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irreverentad

Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

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Exactly, if you've been very lucky to meet your soulmate as school, you don't need to think about things like dating anymore. If like me, you've had a history then you are always questioning yourself etc.

As Dem says, it has changed. Its like 'Pop Idol' dating now, where you have to keep on your toes with women. Its so easy now for people to look elsewhere if you don't impress straight away. A decent looking woman on a dating site could easily date every night of the week. 

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36 minutes ago, Demitri_C said:

Yep valid point I think I only know one person that still is. What people dont understand dating has evolved so much from when I wa sin school. Womens mentality now is certainly different from my mums generation

You'll have to take my word on this, but dating has not evolved.

We didn't have grindr when I was a kid. We didn't have mobile phones or texting. We had the Fantasia nightclub. You would do the rounds, some of them were too shy to bother investing much time in, some were clearly damaged goods. Some were 'ladettes' before we'd had that term helpfully codified for us. Some thought a kiss and a fumble would be followed by marriage. Some, were teaching their boyfriend a lesson or trying to entice someone back home where the hubby was waiting to be untied. Some were permanently looking to trade up. Some were nice and normal.

What you have now, is more instant access to more females from a greater geographical area. But the ones with the mentality to use dating websites.

 

 

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On ‎22‎/‎01‎/‎2016 at 10:02, Demitri_C said:

But it depends on the profile really, there is a lot of profiles where there is nothing for you to feed on. if a man has low self confidence he will approach it differently to someone who has confidence and understands how to attract women. I am not saying just a "hey" is good not at all. But most people I know who have said something along the lines of "hiya how you doing today" get blanked. Some people find it difficult with the initial first message hence why they send a response like that. Sometimes even when you mention an interest in their profile you still get blanked!! 

Women look at it differently to men, if men get a message from a woman first its like wow she is different she has courage to message me first. But for a woman (probably because they receive a large amount of messages) its like filtering to see which guy sounds different or can handle me. 

Again, it works both ways though.  Don't you think if a woman messaged a man she could just as easily be blanked by him, regardless of the message she sends?

It is very much the case that if you're getting 50 messages from 50 different men a day, of course you're going to filter through them.  For me, it's not really about them sounding different, it's just about giving me something to respond to. I fully understand the low confidence thing because I have it myself.  That means though that if I plucked up the courage in the first place to message a guy, I'd at least attempt to engage him in conversation with something a bit more for him to go on than 'hello'.

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It's a sad old game really. Everything is just 'out there' and shockingly performative, oh aren't there just so many options. It strikes me quite silly, hoping to actually find the one via app/dating service, but I guess these are the times we live in. 

 

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It's actually still possible to meet women in the real world, like in a pub or a club. Just throwing it out there...

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1 hour ago, Bunnski said:

It's actually still possible to meet women in the real world, like in a pub or a club. Just throwing it out there...

Nah, not having any of that. I call BS.

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Aside from serious sites like e-Harmony and Match, most blokes I know who are on dating apps aren't looking for the one, but just an easy lay instead. It tends to go like this: get talking to a woman online, feign interest in a relationship, go on two/three dates, get laid, fade out from contact.

And whilst it is possible to meet women in pubs and clubs, you can't be in them as much as you can be browsing catalogues of women on your phone. Not only that, traditionally, blokes had to actually approach women in clubs, now they can just log on and without any bravery, charm or charisma can blast out countless messages which increases their opportunity ten fold. It's not like when you used to hit a club in order to pull and only have a short window in order to meet someone, and if you didn't, you'd have to wait until the next weekend...it's now 24/7. 

I think the whole thing causes a sweet shop mentally in that there's too much choice and it's easy to flit from one person to another in a never ending loop of looking for attention from the next best thing. 

Whilst I don't doubt that some people on these things are genuine, with good intentions, I think its abused and **** knows what it will lead to long term in terms of marriage and divorce rates, people failing to settle etc. 

Edited by Morley_crosses_to_Withe

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The online thing to me seems extremely fake. Everyone puts on something about themselves which isn't particularly true, whether it be a photo or a description.

Funnily enough, the 10/10s don't need **** online dating sites. There's something dislikeable about everyone, but online dating is about searching for someone without a flaw. I'm an annoying word removed (i know, it seems impossible) and I'm a lazy ****, but you think I'd put those traits on any sort of social profiling? **** no.

I also imagine that it promotes a certain "well he's not/she's not good enough for me" mentality, when really, most people are exactly the same boring stereotypical people we all pretend not to be.

Online dating to me wouldn't work, I've got a bit of a wall up against strangers and it takes time for me to make new friends and aquaintences, so i know no one from a tiny snapshot would be good enough for me, which if course is absolute nonsense. Most people are fine, but I'd get a superiority complex.

Different strokes i guess.

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11 hours ago, Dr_Pangloss said:

It's a sad old game really. Everything is just 'out there' and shockingly performative, oh aren't there just so many options. It strikes me quite silly, hoping to actually find the one via app/dating service, but I guess these are the times we live in. 

 

 

I've come to believe that the concept of "the one" is silly. I'd guess that there are literally countless women worldwide who i'd be happy with long term if I happened to get into a relationship with them.

 

Relationships, initially, are just chemistry and timing. For them to last long term, you need to have similar values, lifestyle and life goals. Similar interests and matching personalities are ideal but by no means absolutely necessary.

 

As I posted earlier i've been having issues with my wife for quite some time and i've been thinking about splitting up with her for over a year. On Saturday night, I moved back to my mum's place. Just for a break at this stage. We were never going to get back to having a healthy and happy relationship while I was there.

 

It was really tough to leave and I was super lonely on the first night, but it's definitely for the best. I'm a bit lost at the moment, but i'll settle in. No idea what the plans are in the medium to long term, we'll see what happens.

 

 

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3 hours ago, ThunderPower_14 said:

 

 

As I posted earlier i've been having issues with my wife for quite some time and i've been thinking about splitting up with her for over a year. On Saturday night, I moved back to my mum's place. Just for a break at this stage. We were never going to get back to having a healthy and happy relationship while I was there.

 

It was really tough to leave and I was super lonely on the first night, but it's definitely for the best. I'm a bit lost at the moment, but i'll settle in. No idea what the plans are in the medium to long term, we'll see what happens.

 

 

Sorry to hear things have not got any better TP. With regards to the loniness my advice would be meet friends, obtain a hobby (heck go to a villa game that might cheer you up if we win!! Dont get stuck in doors its literally the worst thing you can do. Start trying to build yourself a new life and build your confidence up. Do the things that you couldnt do before. For example when I was engaged I had to miss out on a trip to Thailand with the boys. this year they decided to go again and now I am longer with my ex I thought I have another opportunity and am going in March. 

EDIT also I should mention I have met someone else who although early stages I honestly seen more in her in 8 weeks than the whole of a 3 year relationship with my ex. Things can only get better...

 

Edited by Demitri_C
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Just now, Demitri_C said:

Sorry to hear things have not got any better TP. With regards to the loniness my advice would be meet friends, obtain a hobby (heck go to a villa game that might cheer you up if we win!! Dont get stuck in doors its literally the worst thing you can do. Start trying to build yourself a new life and build your confidence up. Do the things that you couldnt do before. For example when I was engaged I had to miss out on a trip to Thailand with the boys. this year they decided to go again and now I am longer with my ex I thought I have another opportunity and am going in March. 

 

Thanks mate, great advice! I've definitely tried to fill my time up with stuff even in the first couple of days.

 

Probably the best thing to come out of it so far is that i'm going for a run for the first time in months tonight. I was running several times a week but the brutal Aussie summer killed my motivation in early November. It will give me something to do and get me in shape.

 

I have heaps of mates who would love to catch up and go to the pub or play some FIFA or whatever, so I should be able to keep myself pretty busy.

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1 minute ago, ThunderPower_14 said:

Thanks mate, great advice! I've definitely tried to fill my time up with stuff even in the first couple of days.

 

Probably the best thing to come out of it so far is that i'm going for a run for the first time in months tonight. I was running several times a week but the brutal Aussie summer killed my motivation in early November. It will give me something to do and get me in shape.

 

I have heaps of mates who would love to catch up and go to the pub or play some FIFA or whatever, so I should be able to keep myself pretty busy.

Thats good, the more active you are the less harder it will be and less lonely you will feel. Give yourself some time and see what you want. Whether its just meet a host of different women, take  a break for a bit etc.  Definitely a good start to get involved in running, join  a gym etc. 

Thats good, your friends will play an important role in helping you overcome this, sounds like a supportive bunch so you should be in good hands

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Well the meet the friends/family date was err... interesting. What started as a few friendly drinks in a pub transpired into a cocaine party in a garage :lol:

Amazingly, she still wants to see me. 

 

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9 hours ago, lapal_fan said:

 

Online dating to me wouldn't work, I've got a bit of a wall up against strangers and it takes time for me to make new friends and aquaintences, 

 

I am very similar and I think every time I've been dating someone it's generally failed for this reason. However, every now and again you do meet someone from online and that wall isn't there. I'm not sure if that's down to the chemistry between the two of you, your own personal mood, whether it's a full moon or whether you simply "click" or not, but it does happen.

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21 minutes ago, PieFacE said:

Well the meet the friends/family date was err... interesting. What started as a few friendly drinks in a pub transpired into a cocaine party in a garage :lol:

Amazingly, she still wants to see me. 

 

Do share...hers or yours?! :mrgreen:

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Neither, at my family members house. Went to the pub, met a load of friends and family, then we went back to their house for a party and ended up in a garage for most the night (everyone was in there).  We left the party for mine about 5am and spent the whole next day having a really lazy hungover day which was surprisingly nice! 

All my friends and family liked her a lot so she passed that test :thumb:

Edited by PieFacE

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1 hour ago, PieFacE said:

Well the meet the friends/family date was err... interesting. What started as a few friendly drinks in a pub transpired into a cocaine party in a garage :lol:

Amazingly, she still wants to see me. 

 

Please can I come to you next 'family get-together'?

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