Xela Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Genie said: I'll save the full story for another time but my relationship with my wife looks to be rapidly going down the pan. Been together 16 years, married for 9, 2 incredible kids... but she wants out. No trigger that I am aware of. She just says over time she's felt like she doesn't want me anymore Shes been away this week and due back this afternoon. It's gonna be a pretty horrible weekend. Ahhh man, sorry to hear that. You had no inkling anything was wrong? Edited February 10, 2017 by Xela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Just now, Xela said: Ahhh man, sorry to hear that. You have no inkling anything was wrong? Well yeah, over the last few months she changed a huge amount to someone I barely recognise. I asked her several times but she'd just close up. I knew something was up. We spoke last weekend and she said she wanted out... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 It's one of the sad facts about relationships, is that you are never really 100% secure in them, even when things seem to be going pretty well. There are no guarantees, and when we see things going awry, we can try to address them, but it doesn't always work. The alternative is to never get involved with anyone, but that is just a shit way out IMO. You take your chances and hope it works out. The days of people getting together, getting married, having kids and journeying together into old age seem to be becoming more distant. Sorry to hear your news Genie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 2 minutes ago, Jon said: It's one of the sad facts about relationships, is that you are never really 100% secure in them, even when things seem to be going pretty well. There are no guarantees, and when we see things going awry, we can try to address them, but it doesn't always work. The alternative is to never get involved with anyone, but that is just a shit way out IMO. You take your chances and hope it works out. The days of people getting together, getting married, having kids and journeying together into old age seem to be becoming more distant. Sorry to hear your news Genie Cheers Jon, you're right in this respect. In my mind we've been going along nicely. We build our lives around the children and never have a crossed word. I guess she felt something was missing and went looking elsewhere. Over the past few months she's been cutting herself off more and more from the 3 of us. I've felt very much like a single dad already to be honest. Taking them to the park and soft play and kids parties on my own as she stopped coming to all these things. I tried to get things on track suggesting things to do just the 2 of us but she always declined. Before Christmas I even suggested we go to New York for the weekend but she said no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilS Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Genie said: Well yeah, over the last few months she changed a huge amount to someone I barely recognise. I asked her several times but she'd just close up. I knew something was up. We spoke last weekend and she said she wanted out... 2 minutes ago, Genie said: I guess she felt something was missing and went looking elsewhere. Over the past few months she's been cutting herself off more and more from the 3 of us. I've felt very much like a single dad already to be honest. Taking them to the park and soft play and kids parties on my own as she stopped coming to all these things. I tried to get things on track suggesting things to do just the 2 of us but she always declined. Before Christmas I even suggested we go to New York for the weekend but she said no. Sorry to hear it Genie, I experienced exactly the same thing over the last couple of years. We had been married ten years in Jan 2016, but we agreed to seperate last summer. We just drifted apart spending less and less time together, which then resulted in rows. The worst thing about the split though, was telling the kids. They have never cried so hard, and it makes me tear up thinking about it now. Other than the upset kids, it has been relatively ok and a relief to start again. I will admit it hasn't been easy and there are times when I get a little down, but in the whole I think it will be best in the long run for me. I hope things work out well for you too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Just now, NeilS said: Sorry to hear it Genie, I experienced exactly the same thing over the last couple of years. We had been married ten years in Jan 2016, but we agreed to seperate last summer. We just drifted apart spending less and less time together, which then resulted in rows. The worst thing about the split though, was telling the kids. They have never cried so hard, and it makes me tear up thinking about it now. Other than the upset kids, it has been relatively ok and a relief to start again. I will admit it hasn't been easy and there are times when I get a little down, but in the whole I think it will be best in the long run for me. I hope things work out well for you too. Cheers Neil, telling the kids is the part that I'm dreading most. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 1 hour ago, Jon said: It's one of the sad facts about relationships, is that you are never really 100% secure in them, even when things seem to be going pretty well. There are no guarantees, and when we see things going awry, we can try to address them, but it doesn't always work. The alternative is to never get involved with anyone, but that is just a shit way out IMO. You take your chances and hope it works out. The days of people getting together, getting married, having kids and journeying together into old age seem to be becoming more distant. Sorry to hear your news Genie So true there Jon that's the way I see it. Back in my parents day and beyond people I think had a higher tolerance and more loyalty. Nowadays not so much unfortunately. genie sorry to hear that mate, if she admits to an affair and it was a mistake would you take her back or will it be done for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 53 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: genie sorry to hear that mate, if she admits to an affair and it was a mistake would you take her back or will it be done for you? That's very tough, personally I'd say nope. It's done. Then you think about the children and part of you thinks that you have to give it every chance for their sake. As it goes though I doubt it'll be an option. As it was left last weekend she wanted out so from that sense it's very simple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 2 hours ago, Jon said: It's one of the sad facts about relationships, is that you are never really 100% secure in them, even when things seem to be going pretty well. There are no guarantees, and when we see things going awry, we can try to address them, but it doesn't always work. The alternative is to never get involved with anyone, but that is just a shit way out IMO. You take your chances and hope it works out. The days of people getting together, getting married, having kids and journeying together into old age seem to be becoming more distant. Sorry to hear your news Genie As genie has mentioned there does seem to be a lack of loyalty and commitment these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Must be so hard when kids are involved but staying together just for the kids is not the right thing to do imo. Me and my wife have had our moments and it's truly heartbreaking leaving the kids behind and walking out the family home. Good luck anyway @Genie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeilS Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 4 hours ago, Genie said: Cheers Neil, telling the kids is the part that I'm dreading most. It was the same for us, there is never a good time to tell them and it is horrible for a short while. I don't know how old your children are, mine were 7 and 9 years old when we told them. Mine were very upset at the time, and bar the one wobble at Christmas from the eldest they have quickly got used to things, adapted and seem ok with it all now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikeyp102 Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 7 hours ago, Genie said: I'll save the full story for another time but my relationship with my wife looks to be rapidly going down the pan. Been together 16 years, married for 9, 2 incredible kids... but she wants out. No trigger that I am aware of. She just says over time she's felt like she doesn't want me anymore Shes been away this week and due back this afternoon. It's gonna be a pretty horrible weekend. Bad times mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HanoiVillan Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 8 hours ago, Genie said: I'll save the full story for another time but my relationship with my wife looks to be rapidly going down the pan. Been together 16 years, married for 9, 2 incredible kids... but she wants out. No trigger that I am aware of. She just says over time she's felt like she doesn't want me anymore Shes been away this week and due back this afternoon. It's gonna be a pretty horrible weekend. First of all, deep commiserations, that's an awful situation. If it's not a rude question (and feel free to ignore or tell me to piss off if it is), but have you suggested relationship counselling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaglint Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 Horrible situation @Genie and I genuinely feel for you. Just wanted to say no matter what happens or how bad it gets please don't put the kids in the middle of the breakup. No bad mouthing the mother or passing messages through them. No big rows which force them to take sides. No public spats if you are all out together. You have no idea how damaging and far reaching actions like that can be. Other than that I know it feels bleak now but life is a funny bugger. I have a friend who was in exactly the same situation as you (minus the kids). Few years on and he has a new partner who is a much much better fit for him and he's much happier than he ever was. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baselayers Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 7 minutes ago, villaglint said: Horrible situation @Genie and I genuinely feel for you. Just wanted to say no matter what happens or how bad it gets please don't put the kids in the middle of the breakup. No bad mouthing the mother or passing messages through them. No big rows which force them to take sides. No public spats if you are all out together. You have no idea how damaging and far reaching actions like that can be. Other than that I know it feels bleak now but life is a funny bugger. I have a friend who was in exactly the same situation as you (minus the kids). Few years on and he has a new partner who is a much much better fit for him and he's much happier than he ever was. Agreed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted February 10, 2017 Share Posted February 10, 2017 40 minutes ago, villaglint said: Just wanted to say no matter what happens or how bad it gets please don't put the kids in the middle of the breakup. No bad mouthing the mother or passing messages through them. No big rows which force them to take sides. No public spats if you are all out together. You have no idea how damaging and far reaching actions like that can be. 100% agree, I'm definitely a lover not a fighter. I almost never argue or raise my voice with any one. It's been incredibly amicable so far and the children (6&4) appear to be oblivious to anything at the moment. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurembergVillan Posted February 11, 2017 Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2017 On 10/02/2017 at 11:42, Genie said: I'll save the full story for another time but my relationship with my wife looks to be rapidly going down the pan. Been together 16 years, married for 9, 2 incredible kids... but she wants out. No trigger that I am aware of. She just says over time she's felt like she doesn't want me anymore Shes been away this week and due back this afternoon. It's gonna be a pretty horrible weekend. Big love, mate. Always crap when the walls are crumbling around you and you're not sure why, or what to do about it. "This too shall pass". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 11, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 11, 2017 This thread makes me sad. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 11, 2017 Share Posted February 11, 2017 16 hours ago, Baselayers said: Agreed! Where did you metamorphose from?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Genie Posted February 11, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted February 11, 2017 We had a good chat last night and got a lot of stuff out on the table. Still choppy waters ahead but we've got something to work with. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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