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Things you often Wonder


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1 hour ago, useless said:

What I would do if I saw a tiger in the street. Probably knock on someone's door if it's somewhere with homes, and ask if I can hide inside.

Yeah. Probably the best thing I will read this year. 

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13 hours ago, useless said:

What I would do if I saw a tiger in the street. Probably knock on someone's door if it's somewhere with homes, and ask if I can hide inside.

They would probably invite the tiger in as well, and it would eat all the food in the fridge and drink all the water in the tap. 

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55 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

They would probably invite the tiger in as well, and it would eat all the food in the fridge and drink all the water in the tap. 

There was once a tiger who fancied a pint. Not Carling, of course. That was too weak and too gassy. He wanted a pint that packs a punch, like Stella or Kronenbourg. 

The tiger was thirsty and needed something to wash down the zookeeper he'd just eaten. He liked the atmosphere of Wetherspoon's. Plus, he was barred from The King's Head for mauling the darts team. 

Tiger drank his pint quietly beside the quiz machine. Soon, what with the beer, fags and flame-grilled McCoys he'd spend all his money, but he didn't half have a thirst on. So, when George went to the cellar to flush out the Strongbow line the tiger drank all the beer from all the kegs and all the rum they were saving for Caribbean night. Then he ate the meat raffle. A very naughty tiger. Then, he went to toilet on the bar. 

"'We're going to have to call you a minicab home, tiger,' said George, "the deputy manager, bursting from the cellar. "'Where do you want taking?'

'To the zoo, you silly bollocks.' 

So George, the deputy manager, called the tiger a cab. It took a while to get one, because the first two drivers they sent said, 'Are you mental?!'

Finally, Pavel from Station Cars agreed to. The journey went smoothly and, eventually, after a lot of questioning, the tiger said, 'Look, for the last time, it's not a onesie. 'Wetherspoon's deputy manager George never saw the tiger or Pavel, the Station Cars driver, ever again. 

Edited by sidcow
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On 21/09/2019 at 06:14, useless said:

What I would do if I saw a tiger in the street. Probably knock on someone's door if it's somewhere with homes, and ask if I can hide inside.

You know I have this thought too sometimes. They can jump over 3m high and 11m long and run at what, like 40-50km/h?

We're well and truly outdone in a fight, unless you're a master at Capoeira and all your moves land as intended. Even then you're a goner really..

I wonder if we could call upon the wisdom of our feline friends (the much smaller ones) and hide underneath a car and move every time the tiger tries to scoop us out from under..

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When wonder it I'm usually in a street or somewhere and imagine a situation where I see the tiger in the distance, quite a while away along the road somewhat not taking any notice of me... Yet. I immediately survey my surroundings and try and figure out what I'd do in that situation. I sometimes worry that I think about it that often that I'm going to will it into being a reality. Of course if the Tiger sees me I'd just have to hope that it isn't hungry, or that it's far away enough that I can get to safety before it reaches me. They're clever as well, the video below is one stalking a jeep of tourists on safari, keeps it's distance but as soon as the jeep turns a corner and can't see the tiger that's when it picks up it's speed and it's suddenly close up to them before they realise.

 

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When I went to Ranthambone we left the national park drove around the corner and there was a tiger sitting on top of a small hill enjoying the sunshine minding it's own business oblivious to the fact it was supposed to stay inside the national park :)    ,  we parked up at a respectful distance and took a  few photos marvelling in the silence and majesty of a wild tiger  , but word soon got out and the next thing about 100 jeeps turned up as people started scrambling  closer and closer for that all important blog / instagram photo 

Was quite disgusting behaviour really people were pushing and shoving to get closer  , worst of it was if the Tiger had got pissed off and gone for one of these tourists they'd have probably shot the poor thing  , instead he just got up and buggered off  ...

yeah another TonyH the  tourist moans about tourists ruining things post for the collection  :)

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6 hours ago, useless said:

When wonder it I'm usually in a street or somewhere and imagine a situation where I see the tiger in the distance, quite a while away along the road somewhat not taking any notice of me... Yet. I immediately survey my surroundings and try and figure out what I'd do in that situation.

I had similar thoughts when on safari a few years back and we were sat in the truck with a bunch of lions in snotting distance of us. I just made sure I was sat in the middle so at least those sat on either side of me would be the first distraction for our feline assailants.

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On 21/09/2019 at 10:21, mjmooney said:

They would probably invite the tiger in as well, and it would eat all the food in the fridge and drink all the water in the tap. 

That wouldn't be grrreat.

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During a bout of restless insomnia last night I briefly wondered why the head of our church isn't called The Irish See.

Seems a missed opportunity. 

I got to sleep in the end, thanks. 

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