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The Dressing Room (post Toon)


Hercs
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*We join the lads celebrating their victory over Newcastle*

Gabby: Oh yeah! Finally I can clean my sheets.

A.Young: You mean we got a "clean sheet" Gabby, right?

Gabby: Yeah .... Well both. you know you can only clean your sheets when we get a clean sheet.

A.Young: That's not ....Wait .... You haven't cleaned your bed sheets since the last time we didn't concede?

Gabby: Yeah, look...

*Gabby opens his laundry bag, wolves howl in the distance, the plants in the room die and Ashley promptly covers his nose with his sleeve*

A.Young: Burn it Gabby! Burn it!

*Makoun falls to his knees*

Makoun: My eyes zey are bleeding!

*Houllier enters, chest puffed like a peacock*

Houllier: Ah ze sweet smell of victory.

*Houllier inhales strongly and chokes on the stench*

Houllier: Zut Alors! Gabriel! Dispose of zat unholy foulness at once it is stinking up ze dressing room!

*Gabby grabs Petrov and drags him to the door*

Houllier: I mean ze bag Gabriel! Ze bag!

*Gabby unhands Petrov and slings out the sheets*

Houllier: .... and maybe Stilyan.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter, Petrov is not amused*

Houllier: I am ze kidder of course Stilyan, you weren't even zat bad zis match. I say one thing zough, it is like you guys are trying to give me an 'eart attack with your "slender leads" and "sitting back on ze one goal"!

*the lads look at each other, some laugh sheepishliy, there is faint whispering outside the room*

Collins: He's still alive!

Dunne: I've got a brilliant idea!

*the door bursts open a "ghost" leaps into the room*

Ghost: BOO dere!

*Houllier jumps back with fright clucthing his chest.... Then his nose.*

A.Young: Richard? .... Where did you get that sheet?

Ghost: Richard? Who is Richard I'm a scary ghost so I am and ...!

*the "ghost" collapses in a heap*

Houllier: Mon Dieu! Burn zose sheets!

Makoun: But Boss .... Richar'... 'e is still in zem.

Houllier: You 'eard what I said Jean II.

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