How long before you ask someone to marry you?

[tonyh29]

I've been married 8 years now , I proposed after around 4 months or so after we met and we got married about 5 months after that

Interesting - that's exactly the same timetable as me and my missus (see previous page).

I think it's as you said in your later post , sometimes you just know ... 28 years in your case would say you both knew :-)

My brother in law just had an arranged marriage. He wanted one and he is very happy about it. I cant imagine how weird the wedding night would be though!

lucky he's not Thai , the wedding night weirdness could potentially be even greater ..

Do you know how they whole deal with arranged marriages work ? do they met a few times and then both parties get to choose or is it literally here is your new husband /wife end of ?

[LondonLax]

Do you know how they whole deal with arranged marriages work ? do they met a few times and then both parties get to choose or is it literally here is your new husband /wife end of ?

From my understanding the parents will try and find someone who they think you will fit well with. You meet them a couple of times and you are allowed to veto the arrangement but if you have no objections then you go ahead. They have a pretty high success rate (but then there may be a pressure on not getting divorced).

There are probably some stricter societies where the marriage is more of a sale from one family to the other and you don't get a say but I don't think this is common on the subcontinent.

[Awol]

I was with our lass for 7.5 years before I proposed and we got married about 18 months later - March this year. She'd been dropping increasingly unsubtle hints for about 4 years before I popped the question.

Now the hints are about babies and I don't think 4 years of dodging the issue is on the cards this time..

The key is doing things when you feel ready and not being pressured, if that's after 4 months then fair enough.

[The_Rev]

Do you know how they whole deal with arranged marriages work ? do they met a few times and then both parties get to choose or is it literally here is your new husband /wife end of ?

From my understanding the parents will try and find someone who they think you will fit well with. You meet them a couple of times and you are allowed to veto the arrangement but if you have no objections then you go ahead. They have a pretty high success rate (but then there may be a pressure on not getting divorced).

There are probably some stricter societies where the marriage is more of a sale from one family to the other and you don't get a say but I don't think this is common on the subcontinent.

It's pretty much this.

Like I said in an earlier post, it's probably a dying culture in this country because the people of marring age these days are really the last generation of people who grew up in a house where their parents met through an arranged marriage.

We like to baulk at the idea here in the west, but its a tradition that seems to work very well for a lot of people. Like I said, my missus was born into a house where her parents had an arrange marriage and they were happily married for 45 years before her dad died. All of her aunties and uncles had arranged marriages too and they all turned out okay. She is the youngest of seven children, four of whom are now married. Of those four, three did it the boy meets girl way, one was arranged. The one which was arranged wanted an arranged marriage. I can see this continuing, but becoming diluted with every generation until its almost non existent.

[Rodders]

I can kinda see the appeal to arranged marriages to some people really, not for me at all, but provided there is still that choice, I can appreciate why it does work well, just have to cross your fingers you get on well with your parents

personally, i'm in my first long term relationship now, been with her 15 months now, i'm 25 she's 23. After 4-5 months i was all excited about it, and could have rushed into it then ( well actually i was more broke then so probably not ) but I'm glad I didn't. The 9-11 month spell saw 'growing pains' I guess a result of the fact we'd only been going out a month or so before she effectively had moved in with me, so there was the whole "aargh personal space is lost, what has happened to my bedroom - what the **** is going on with all this makeup on my desk" etc whilst I had a minimal social life due to work etc beyond just her which was slightly strained, but solutions were easy to come about after talking etc, and basically since then never been happier and i look forward to finding the ring and popping the question sometime next year, with a wedding within a year - she changes her mind between nothing fancy and wanting a nice do - fingers crossed the cheaper option wins

I feel that was right for me, having experience slight issues without the pressure of being engaged - I half suspect if i had proposed and then we had those issues I would have been more stressed and felt under greater pressure to 'get out'.

edit: also amid those chats after about a year it became obvious she doesn't really want to give birth to kids - adoption she's fine with - and obviously that's the kind of thing you might want to bear in mind with future commitments. I assumed I would always at some point have my own progeny but I discovered I'm also fine with adoption and also glad that neither of us want to do this for a good 5+ years or so. ( even if she has her broody moments )

[MrWeedMcGrass]

Arranged marriages eh? Indian specialty.

[jonno_2004]

I've been with my girlfriend for two years and really happy with the way things are going. I find its impossible to judge until we're back living together at home for more than 3 months at a time and that needs to be combined with the pressure I'm going to be under at work along with the amount of time I'll actually spend off-island for training. If we can ride with that, I think it's not too far away at all.

[VillaEire]

I think you have to live with the person for a while before deciding to spend your lives together. You just don't know what little habits/quirks might drive you crazy.

[mjmooney]

My daughter and her bf are touring the west coast of the US at the moment.

We've warned them not to get married in Vegas.

[holte_k1]

Got married to my wife a year to the day after we first met.

Was with someone for 7 years before this relationship. This last 18 months has been everything I always wanted, the amount of time doesn't seem relevant. I'm 30, shes 23.

As for the missus, she'd probably say wait until you know them better now though lol.

[Rodders]

^ that reminds me, when I do get married it will be on the same date we celebrate our current anniversary. dates to remember should be kept to a minimum!

[Nath182]

I've been with my gf for over 4 years now, wouldn't consider proposing even now, it really does depend on the circumstances and the couple but I think 5 years or over should give you a good idea of what you're getting yourself into.