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An overview of events over at small heath


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In a small pine panelled office in small heath sits a worried looking Chinese man. He is still coming to terms with his recent purchase and starting to realise what a mistake it was was and how had been duped by those evil porn barons. After clearing out the filing cabinets of rabbits and batteries, he has called his manager in to discuss this weeks match

CY: "Arro my ginger boss man, take a seat"

AM: "Och Aye you little yellow chappy"

CY: "wha you want?"

AM: "Eh? you asked me here"

CY: "No, wha you want to eat? No drinks as plevious owners have told me we never have had any cups here"

AM: "Deep fried Oxo cube then for me"

CY: "Ah so"

AM: "**** off yourself then you ........."

CY: "No you Scottish ferrow, you mistake what I say"

AM: "Ah OK, so what do you want Mr Chairman"

CY: "So this weekend we play those Virra chappies, yeah?"

AM: "Aye its a good one for us, our cup final. I love it at Villa Park no chance of sunlight there as we are always in their shadows"

CY: "Velly funny gineger one. I am worried about the ex-Virra players we have"

AM: "Dunnae worry your little yellow head boss, they are fine"

CY: "But Agent Lidgerell the fans are calling him and Claig Gradener scare the shit out of me"

AM: "Aye good point, I'll drop the fookers"

CY: "Ah so"

AM: "Dannae fookin start again.."

CY: "So who are our danger prayers?"

AM: "Hleb"

CY: "Reb?"

AM: "No the foreign chappy we signed on loan"

CY: "Ah Hreb. Did he play in Engrand before"

AM: "Aye for Arsenal"

CY: "Oy you cheeky Scottish Gineger you taking piss out of me? You said we no say Ah So Nil"

AM: "Eh? We are more bricking it about the Villa players"

CY: "Ashrey Young?"

AM: "Aye but we know that he was caught Wanking"

CY: "I know him he's a friend of mine"

AM: "Who? Ashley Young?"

CY: "No, Wan King"

Bemused at all of this the ginger boss of small heath stands and leaves the office. The Chinese man returns to his tidying up of the office and dreams of Crufts coming back to the NEC, or The Good Food show as he likes to call it.

Meanwhile at the sha training ground the players get ready for the weekend. They all have differing ways of getting ready

Ben Foster: Checks his phone constantly to see if Sir Alex has returned his calls yet for a quick return, he looks glum

Stephen Carr: after his accident with the elevator landing on his head and removing any sight of his neck, is disappointed that his wife has purchased him a scarf

Lee Bowyer: Is picking a fight with his shadow, When the shadow doesn't react he looks away. The shadow then gobs at him and rabbit punches him

Roger Johnson: Is feverishly trying to convince everyone that he was not named by the last owners to star in porn films

Lee Ridgewell: Wonders where Charlie Aitken is

Craig Gardener: Hopes that a few hours out on the pitch at Villa Park not shock him so much as it did last time and he wont be left in a permanent state of shock, as shown by his vacant stare

Barry Fergusson: Is giving the V sign to anyone who will look at him.

Nikola Zigic: Ducks as the Monarch flight from Alicante makes its final approach into BHX

Aleks Hleb: Is still hating his agent for getting him this move

In the distance a few sha fans are cleaning off their knuckles following the walk to the training ground. They are heard to utter

"we ate the Villa"

"did we? I fort we had a burger?"

"no ya soft ****, we ate the villa"

"oh yeah, what they ever won?"

"other than the European Cup, the FA cup, the league cup, the league title, the Super cup and beaten us for the last 6 matches running, what have they ever done"

"yeah we ate the Villa"

Cutbacks to the care in the community budget are hitting hard in Birmingham ..........................

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