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7 hours ago, maqroll said:

I was tending bar in Boston on a busy Friday night. About mid shift I sensed something was wrong. I told the other bartenders I was going to the men's room. I have a public toilet phobia, so I always squat over the bowl without my bum touching the seat. It was a bad time to honor tradition. I proceeded to turboblast the entire white tile wall behind the toilet. It looked like a Jackson Pollock painting in all brown. Horrifying and thoroughly shame inducing. I did my best to clean it up, but I was pressed for time and couldn't stay in there too long. I still feel guilty that some other human being had to clean it up. 

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My take from @maqroll ‘s story, is that ‘tending bar in Boston’ is one of those super cool Sounding things everyone has on their long tick list but never gets within a light year of achieving.

 

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4 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

My take from @maqroll ‘s story, is that ‘tending bar in Boston’ is one of those super cool Sounding things everyone has on their long tick list but never gets within a light year of achieving.

 

Yeah, but aren't you the Mayor of Crwryyrdganmyrwdmawrbnr? That's way cooler.

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32 minutes ago, maqroll said:

Yeah, but aren't you the Mayor of Crwryyrdganmyrwdmawrbnr? That's way cooler.

Tywysog ffres y’r Ynys y Barri.

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55 minutes ago, chrisp65 said:

Tywysog ffres y’r Ynys y Barri.

Easy for you to say. 

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On 29/11/2019 at 15:23, bannedfromHandV said:

We doing poop stories, cos I have a cracker.

Some of you may question why I share this so readily, given the embarassement factor but it's just one of those stories where it'd be selfish to keep it to yourself only.

 

So I met a girl (not gonna lie, on Tinder) back in 2015, think it was around June time we started meeting up and dating. Anyway, got quite serious quite quickly and perhaps 3 or 4 months later I think it was, we were invited to her family's annual get together at a relatively posh Italian place in Newton-le-Willows (posh for me anyway, considering my background).

So I figured ya know, be like close family, usual kind of shit.........we arrived and there was about 40 of them there, cousins, second cousins, old neighbours......a lot of people. I get a little bit uncomfortable in these kind of situations anyway so it was already a stressful kind of evening but it was okay, we started the meal, all was good, smashed through two courses and had a couple of beers and a glass of wine or two. Everything was going swimmingly, chatting away with her Mum and Dad who we were sat next to and who I'd met a few times already, hadn't met anyone else though really before.

So after the main meal, I needed a slash, headed off to the toilet which was right on the opposite side of this fairly large restaurant, we were positioned about as far away from the toilets as possible anyway. So off I go - now I have to add at this stage, I felt absolutely fine, in fact after a few drinks I felt better than fine. 

So I go to the toilet, walk in and there's a few little kids messing about but they quickly exited leaving me alone, toilets were quite small, couple of urinals and one cubicle. So I start pissing in one of the urinals and halfway through, as often happens I needed to fart, so fart I did - and to this day, it will haunt me as one of my worst ever decisions.

From nowhere came an avalanche of diarrhoea, it was horrendous, right down my legs - the works. I actually laughed initially but then after a second or two the realisation set in. I hopped into the cubicle quickly to assess the situation and it was about as bad as you can picture. I was wearing jeans (my favourite jeans) and they were caked in it, my pants were obviously a write off but there wasn't even a bin in there so I had to just roll them up and 'hide' them behind the toilet (they weren't hidden whatsoever). I realised I didn't have my phone with me, absolute panic stations.

In the end I just had to wipe up what I could, put my jeans back on and then had to walk across the breadth of the restaurant to get back to my girlfriend, pulling my shirt down over the back of my jeans in some attempt to hide the carnage (oh and by the way, the restaurant was packed). 

Told her I had a problem and we had to go outside, explained the situation and showed her the damage. We talked for a while about what to do, before settling on my having had a crazy bad migraine from nowhere an needed to leave, which we did, me remaining outside whilst waiting for a taxi. I then had to hover over the seat in the taxi as best possible, all the while trying me best not to have a total breakdown.

To compound it all, when we got back to her house, I cried.

She's still with me to this day believe it or not.

 

***apologies if I've shared this previously on here***

Not too related, but I was on the way home, busting for a piss to the point where I had a little back pressure and my kidneys were hurting. I'm stuck in horrendous traffic. I'm going to piss myself, look around the van, all I had was a large Costa cup. I'm at some roadworks on Hampton Lane. **** it, grabbed the cup, squirmed off my keks, let's go. Ah, such relief. OK, you can stop now! No, you really can stop! 

Took me ages to clean up the piss from the seat and the floor, and of course my keks were soaked! I don't think I've ever done so much piss, must have been nearly a gallon! 

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3 minutes ago, welnik said:

Not too related, but I was on the way home, busting for a piss to the point where I had a little back pressure and my kidneys were hurting. I'm stuck in horrendous traffic. I'm going to piss myself, look around the van, all I had was a large Costa cup. I'm at some roadworks on Hampton Lane. **** it, grabbed the cup, squirmed off my keks, let's go. Ah, such relief. OK, you can stop now! No, you really can stop! 

Took me ages to clean up the piss from the seat and the floor, and of course my keks were soaked! I don't think I've ever done so much piss, must have been nearly a gallon! 

I was once in a tent after a night at Oktoberfest and filled a 2 litre empty bottle with piss. It's amazing the volume you actually piss. As soon as I read Coffee Cup I laughed because I knew what was coming. 

When I pissed in that bottle I was terrified I wouldn't stop as it was getting to the top and I was still going. Luckily I just just managed to stop in time. I was in a tent with a mate of mine who was asleep so if it had overflowed and then I'd panic'd it would have been a hell of a way to wake my mate up!

 

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2 minutes ago, villaglint said:

I was once in a tent after a night at Oktoberfest and filled a 2 litre empty bottle with piss. It's amazing the volume you actually piss. As soon as I read Coffee Cup I laughed because I knew what was coming. 

When I pissed in that bottle I was terrified I wouldn't stop as it was getting to the top and I was still going. Luckily I just just managed to stop in time. I was in a tent with a mate of mine who was asleep so if it had overflowed and then I'd panic'd it would have been a hell of a way to wake my mate up!

 

I read somewhere that the bladder holds around 200mm of fluid. The coffee cup is 400mm and it was properly overflowing! If course, I've then got to get rid of the piss in the cup, out of the window with my hand soaked. Cup in the recycling bin as soon as I got home. 

I never want to feel like that again 

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Was stuck in Oldbury on the motorway coming off at j2 (lol) literally 5 minutes from my old house, desperately needed a piss so bad. Held on for 20 minutes to the point where I thought I was going to explode like a massive piss balloon.

Pain was unbearable but I was scared of being done for a public disorder or something but got to the point where I thought screw it. Pulled over into hard shoulder, blinkers on, got out car, had a piss up the wall, hopped over barrier, got back in the car and the cars behind me were clapping and laughing. Then miraculously within seconds the traffic disappeared and I went straight home.

I justify the risk to myself by thinking that IF I hadn't jumped out to piss all over the fence and weeds then I'd still be stuck in that traffic to this day, so in a way I helped everyone I think. 

Edited by Ingram85
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21 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

Tywysog ffres y’r Ynys y Barri.


Arddull Chris Mawr.

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I've had a mad weekend with bets. I'm up nearly £300 on zero money invested.

Ladbrokes offered a free £1 casino bet, I put it on 16 and won £36.

I invested £2 on Villa to draw 2-2 and won £18

I then put £4 on an ACCA and won £204

I took part in Ladbrokes 1-2-3 free game to try and win £100, I got them all right but had Leicester to win 3-1, but got a free £5 bet 

I put that on West Brom, Rotherham and Cagliari to win - all scored winners in the 90th and I won £40

Luck be with me 😂

Edited by avfcDJ
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18 minutes ago, Davkaus said:

My friends lost their kid. 5 weeks old. There just aren't words.

Awful. I am so sorry 😭

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I don't want it to seem like I need sympathy or anything. I mean, I'm stunned, but I only met the little lad a couple of times.

I just can't even imagine what they're going through. I'm scared to even see them, what can you possibly say.

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1 hour ago, Davkaus said:

I don't want it to seem like I need sympathy or anything. I mean, I'm stunned, but I only met the little lad a couple of times.

I just can't even imagine what they're going through. I'm scared to even see them, what can you possibly say.

It's difficult, my sister lost my niece at a young age, no words mean anything. Best to just offer support if they ever need it. They will never get over it, birthdays, christmas, it's always there. Just be a friend.

Edited by Seat68
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50 minutes ago, bickster said:

New Prime Minister of Finland would get a game

16255740760_bb5f5176d7_z.jpg

Is your Dad in love?

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On 04/12/2019 at 14:08, Davkaus said:

I don't want it to seem like I need sympathy or anything. I mean, I'm stunned, but I only met the little lad a couple of times.

I just can't even imagine what they're going through. I'm scared to even see them, what can you possibly say.

My worst fear. Before my little guy came along obviously I was only worried about my own death, but now thats no problem as long as he's ok.

But if anything happened to him.... 

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