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How do you wipe yer arse?


TheSufferingVilla

Do you wipe your arse:  

287 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you wipe your arse:

    • Standing Up?
      138
    • Sitting Down?
      151


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There is one downside to wiping standing up which I was just recently reminded of (and hence why I resurrect this thread, one of the greatest in the annals of OT).

When you combine this with being a single guy, and thus not bothering to install the bog roll into a dispensing apparatus but instead just letting the roll sit atop the toilet or a nearby shelf, it occasionally transpires that the roll gets dropped into the dirty water, thereby rendering a roll useless.

This is an event that doesn't happen often enough to make any effort to avoid it worthwhile, but it is most annoying.

My flat has a great bathroom but it has no towel or bog roll rails so the exact same thing happened to me not long ago. I have tried sitting down and wiping but my anus feels a bit too exposed and I'm scared of getting shit halfway up my forearm. So I just stand up and do it.

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I don't understand how people do it sitting down. There's only a small gap at the front and the dong is hanging there. Do you go under it? Or just let the shit rub off on it as you pull back? I'm lost...

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I've noticing increasingly, when forced to use public toilets, a smudge of faeces on the rear of the toilet seat. I concluded that this is caused by people wiping their arse incorrectly. The faecal matter from an earlier dump is rubbed up to the top of their arse and deposited on the tiolet seat during their next visit.

Enjoy your dinner.

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Did you lot know that countries such as Japan and Korea have a MUCH lower rate of colon cancer compared to the western world?

It's because they shit standing up and that it's healthier for the bowels. IIRC pooing like that doesn't congest your bowels and cause traffic up insider der. Somethin like that.

That just sounds undignified to me. Also, one would assume that the chance of making a mess were higher. Imagine standing for a curry or Guinness shit, carnage.

Yeah I desperately needed a shit so much when backpacking in Australia I didn't have time to take off my backpack so had to stand and try and get it in, ended up with some on my flipflop. Not great.

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I don't understand how people do it sitting down. There's only a small gap at the front and the dong is hanging there. Do you go under it? Or just let the shit rub off on it as you pull back? I'm lost...
:shock: Sitters shouldn't need to wipe from the front anymore than standers!

To wipe in a seated fashion, if right handed:

  • Lean forward and left thus creating a gap between the toilet seat and right cheek.
    Use the right hand (with toilet paper) to reach around the right side/back of the arse to wipe front to back - away from genitals.

Wiping whilst seated keeps the buttocks spaced out enough to avoid the possible smudge effect caused by standing before being clean.

Wiping whilst seated is only possible if the toilet seat is of reasonable quality/strength AND the person’s arse isn’t too big and flabby that no gap is created. These people should keep wiping whilst standing upright.

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Astonished to see how many sickos are trying to clean their bums while standing.

Surely this isn't the best way to spread the cheeks? And if the cheeks be not spread, clinging nuggets will inevitably remain.

Only way to settle this is to get the arse inspectors in to conduct a formal dag audit on a representative sample of randomly-selected individuals. This should be initiated without delay in order to raise the bar of worldwide arse-crack hygiene.

Ultimately, having in recent years spent time in countries where the hand-held bidet is always available, I can say that there is simply nothing which achieves quite the same exhilarating level of ringpiece cleanliness. If we're to be serious about effective bum-bogey banishment, bidets are the way of the future. Western countries (like Australia :)) are missing out on the comfy, satisfying sensation that can only come from having a truly spotless back passage. Smearing things around with some scraps of paper is never going to achieve this state of clacker nirvana.

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I don't understand how people do it sitting down. There's only a small gap at the front and the dong is hanging there. Do you go under it? Or just let the shit rub off on it as you pull back? I'm lost...
:shock: Sitters shouldn't need to wipe from the front anymore than standers!

To wipe in a seated fashion, if right handed:

  • Lean forward and left thus creating a gap between the toilet seat and right cheek.
    Use the right hand (with toilet paper) to reach around the right side/back of the arse to wipe front to back - away from genitals.

Wiping whilst seated keeps the buttocks spaced out enough to avoid the possible smudge effect caused by standing before being clean.

Wiping whilst seated is only possible if the toilet seat is of reasonable quality/strength AND the person’s arse isn’t too big and flabby that no gap is created. These people should keep wiping whilst standing upright.

as arse wiping instructions go, that is text book stuff 8)

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  • 1 year later...

Funnily enough the other day when i was on the roof{im a roofer} we were working in stoke and running down the side of the roof was a row of terraced houses and i noticed some bloke go the toilet in one of the houses that was directly opposite us, so out off curiousity i just stopped work and as it happens the toilet seat was right next to the frosted window, this bloke was only having a shit and we were just stood their watching, i can confidently say that the bloke up in stoke stands up and wipes his arse

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