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Florida debates banning sex with animals


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  1. 1. Funniest part of the article

    • Man accidentally asphyxiates family goat while having sex with it
      14
    • Man abducts goat (presumably for sex)
      5
    • There is a politician named Larcenia
      0
    • "Animal husbandry" (tee hee...)
      4
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You couldn't make this up

The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida now that a Senate agriculture committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals.

Florida is one of only 16 states that still permit bestiality -- a fact that animal-rights activist and Sen. Nan Rich learned to her horror three years ago when a Panhandle man was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat that he held by the collar during a sex act.

''There's a tremendous correlation between sexually deviant behavior and crimes against children and crimes against animals,'' said Rich, a Sunrise Democrat. ``This is long overdue. These are heinous crimes. And people belong in jail.''

But the Mossy Head man suspected of assaulting Meg the goat was never charged, because law enforcement officials could not link him to the scene. The suspect was arrested months later in a separate goat abduction, said Walton County Assistant State Attorney Walter Parker.

Rich's legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive ''sexual gratification'' from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?'' she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.

''So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?'' Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.

After the unanimous committee vote, Rich predicted the bill would pass this year. She said bestiality used to be illegal in Florida, but the statute was ruled unconstitutional for being too broad.

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Not to be outdone, New Jersey debates banning bikini waxing

Officials say that genital waxing has always been illegal, it just has not been spelled out clearly in the law. They propose to introduce a new law which would specifically ban genital waxing.

The reason given were recent cases where genital waxing had gone wrong and complaints were made by two women who were injured and hospitalized, one of which sued.

Others believe that the proposal is the state's way of diverting the procedure from beauty salons to the medical community, where hair can be removed using laser treatment by dermatologists.

Genital waxing is popular among women who fashion the skimpier and more revealing Brazilian bikinis and the new law would force the practice underground.

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The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida

add a ban on sleeping with your sister as well and that's gonna be a heck of a lot of frustrated rednecks

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''There's a tremendous correlation between sexually deviant behavior and crimes against children and crimes against animals,''

Surely by that logic (not that I agree with it), banning animal sex will just turn them onto the kiddies...

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Surely by that logic (not that I agree with it), banning animal sex will just turn them onto the kiddies...

it's America , give them another 200 years and they will get around to banning that as well ....

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''People are taking these animals as their husbands? What's husbandry?'' she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn't get it.

''So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?'' Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman's suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot

:crylaugh:

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My fav part is the last bit...'beastiality used to be illegal in florida'

gotta love America

Yeah, how the hell can you write a bestiality law that's unconstitutionally broad?

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I can imagine the original law being "Thou shalt not derive joy from animals"

And when a senator doesn't know what husbandry is, shouldn't she be sent away on a sabbatical to, I dunno, school?

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I can imagine the original law being "Thou shalt not derive joy from animals"

And when a senator doesn't know what husbandry is, shouldn't she be sent away on a sabbatical to, I dunno, school?

Hmm. Is there a register for all the nurserymen?
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Meanwhile in Indiana

Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

0318091dog1.jpg

As mug shots go, that one didn't turn out half bad...

The detective's statement on the link is interesting reading, and leads to a bit of advice to any and all interested parties: if trying to pin a child porn charge on your ex-boyfriend, make sure you click "Empty Recycle Bin" beforehand, so that there aren't any videos of you getting eaten out by a beagle.

beagle_picture.jpg

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Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

HAHAHAHA

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This one gets much better though. The police report:

0318091dog3.gif

I saw this one on Fark.com the other day. Paragraphs two and three on this page are just hilarious.

EDIT: removed superfluous quote bracket. :shock:

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There was a story in the paper the other week about a woman reporting her step son to the police for messing with the family dog.

She had suspicions that something wasn't right as the dog was acting weird and nervous whenever her stepson was near the mutt, so she hid one of those voice activated recorders and managed to tape him giving the dog one apparantly...

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