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James Milner - little known facts


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All bookies have stopped talking bets on James Milner after scientists proved he can do anything, absolutely anything he wants. The news comes after the odds tumbled over night on Milner to win the general election, Milner to win celebrity big brother and an accumulator on Milner to be X-Factor winner, dancing on ice winner and having a Christmas number one in 2010.

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- In his spare time, James Milner enjoys tying journalists to goalposts and using their heads for target practice (see this months FHM for details)

- James Milner is our best player, and the long term replacement for Gerrard/Lampard as England's midfield superstar

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James Milner was offered to be immortalised by turning the Doug Ellis stand into the James Milner stand last night. He refused though due to and age old rivalry with Doug Ellis, who stole the bicycle kick off him when he was only 3.

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James Milner said 'go on, let them have a 2 goal lead, i've got an idea' last night.

As with all James Milner plans, it worked perfectly.

James Milner is also responisble for when the traffic lights change as he blinks.

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James Milner was the first man on the moon

James Milner is the only man to ever go to the moon! He has also been to the Sun but felt it was a poor replacement for the Nuclear Fission reactor he developed in his garage.

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James Milner has bought Villa's full allocation of League Cup final tickets using money he saved, delivering " T' Yorkshire Growler" before he could walk.

He will give these away on Saturday morning on the car-park of the Tyburn House to anyone who can beat him at anything.........looks like a poor turn-out for the final.

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