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James Milner - little known facts


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A scientist recently found a way to create a team of James Milners in order to prove/disprove a certain Graeme Souness' theory. The team made it's debut against Barcelona and despite not having much time to gel as a unit, won comfortably.

Unforunately, in doing so, said scientist unwittingly caused the apocalypse. He should never have meddled with nature

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James Philip Milner (January 4th, 1452 – ) is an English footballer, polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician,writer and all round action hero.

James has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest footballers and painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. According to art historian Helen Gardner, the scope and depth of his interests were without precedent and "his mind and personality seem to us superhuman, the man himself mysterious and remote".

James is renowned primarily as a footballer. One of his works, The Wonder Strike Against Sunderland (2009) is the most famous, unsuccesfully reproduced and most parodied work of individual skill of all time, it's fame approached only by Paul (God) McGrath's performances between 1989-1996.

James's drawing of the Hovis Man is also regarded as a cultural icon, being reproduced on everything from the everyday loaf of bread to text books to t-shirts.

James is also revered for his technological ingenuity. He conceptualised a helicopter, a tank, concentrated solar power, a calculator, the double hull and outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. Relatively few of his designs were constructed or were even feasible during his early lifetime, but some of his smaller inventions, such as an automated bobbin winder and a machine for testing the tensile strength of wire, entered the world of manufacturing unheralded. As a scientist, he greatly advanced the state of knowledge in the fields of anatomy, civil engineering, optics, and hydrodynamics.

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The man who climbed onto the ledge at Buckingham Palace for Fathers 4 Justice originally wanted to hire a James Milner outfit. The shop had sold out and he was forced to go with the Batman outfit.

He not only lost his custody battle, but he was also arrested for trespassing and declared criminally insane, living in a mental institute where trainee scientists stare at him through a plastic window for 23 hours a day (the other hour he is sedated)

Most experts agree that had he been dressed as James Milner as he originally planned, he would have not only won his custody battle, but he would have been knighted in the New Years Honours List and would have been the Conservative's first choice for Mayor of London ahead of Boris Johnson.

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Fact: James Milner will be eating Christmas dinner on Christmas day and will still play amazing the next day against Arsenal.

Fact: James Milner told the Premier League to move this game to the 27th so he could enjoy his Xmas lunch then have a jog down to London on Boxing Day to blow off the cobwebs

Nearly correct.... infact after Xmas lunch, James Milner intends to swim the Atlantic so he can celebrate christmas again in New York, after that he will take a quick run to California and celebrate another..... then after swimming the pacific and then the indian oceans he will reach land the southern tip of India, he will then run to Nepal so he can jump everest before having a run through europe to Calais, by now the game would have kicked off and Villa will have a free kick, the ball will hit the crossbar and rebound to Milner who will be having lunch at a Calais cafe, knowing the keeper is off his line Milner will hit a lob straight back and score.....

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James Philip Milner (January 4th, 1452 – ) is an English footballer, polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician,writer and all round action hero.

James has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest footballers and painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. According to art historian Helen Gardner, the scope and depth of his interests were without precedent and "his mind and personality seem to us superhuman, the man himself mysterious and remote".

James is renowned primarily as a footballer. One of his works, The Wonder Strike Against Sunderland (2009) is the most famous, unsuccesfully reproduced and most parodied work of individual skill of all time, it's fame approached only by Paul (God) McGrath's performances between 1989-1996.

James's drawing of the Hovis Man is also regarded as a cultural icon, being reproduced on everything from the everyday loaf of bread to text books to t-shirts.

James is also revered for his technological ingenuity. He conceptualised a helicopter, a tank, concentrated solar power, a calculator, the double hull and outlined a rudimentary theory of plate tectonics. Relatively few of his designs were constructed or were even feasible during his early lifetime, but some of his smaller inventions, such as an automated bobbin winder and a machine for testing the tensile strength of wire, entered the world of manufacturing unheralded. As a scientist, he greatly advanced the state of knowledge in the fields of anatomy, civil engineering, optics, and hydrodynamics.

This makes me want to buy "The complete unedited works of James Milner" and theofficial biography

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