Sit_Down_Potato_Head 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 1) Prior to becomming a professional footballer, James Milner was the boy in the Hovis adverts. He also had a tough childhood. He had to get up out of the shoebox that he lived in at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with his tongues. For breakfast he had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when he got home, his Dad would slice him in two with a bread knife. 2) A single piece of coal can sustain James Milner for up to a fortnight....and that includes him doing lots of running about, and shit 3) In an early episode of "Reeves and Mortimer", a man asks Vic and Bob "Got any booze f' baby?" That baby was James Milner. 4) When not turning out for Villa, James likes to return to his native 1940's, don a flat cap and retire to the safety of the bomb shelter at the end of his garden 5) It's grim oop north and James Milner likes it that way. 6) James Milner can out-pace a whippet over 50 yards (none of that metric nonsense, neither !) 7) James Milner is on the right: 8 ) Adapted for a London location, Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist" was based on the early life of James Milner. James is very proud of this, but doesn't like the musical adaptation as singing and prancing about is stricly for ponces. 9) James Milner doesn't like long trousers. 10) There is a clause in James Milner's contract that, apart from 90mins on match-days, allows him to smoke woodbines at all other times. Link to post Share on other sites
wiggyrichard 70 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Brilliant Link to post Share on other sites
steell 5 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Is it true that he eats cake at half-time and he's never seen a banana? Link to post Share on other sites
Stu_The_Villan 1 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Lol nice one mate Link to post Share on other sites
juantastic9 1 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 When people talk of Chuck Norris, little do they know Chuck's creation is based on the life and times of James 'Our Lad Jimmy' Milner. Link to post Share on other sites
kieran84 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Lol good stuff,So i am not the only one who sometimes thinks milner is a throwback to the old days then. Link to post Share on other sites
MMFy 164 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Reads just like something from Uncyclopedia or ChairmanMoo. Good work! Link to post Share on other sites
Skippertheeyechild 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Is it true James Milner chews tree bark for gum? Link to post Share on other sites
kieran84 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Is it true he washes his own kit with a mangle?And listens to vera lynn before games? Link to post Share on other sites
tomzep 3 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 James Milner once broke both his legs during a game, only to continue and ride his penny farthing home after Link to post Share on other sites
blandy 14,574 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Good stuff, Guy. James Milner doesn't get fancy lucozade isotonic drink at half time, he is refuelled on coal and gravy Link to post Share on other sites
villahero 1 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 " i have in my hand, a piece of paper............It's a poem by J .Milner aged 8 " Link to post Share on other sites
Sit_Down_Potato_Head 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Good stuff, Guy. James Milner doesn't get fancy lucozade isotonic drink at half time, he is refuelled on coal and gravy He only get gravy on his birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelsen 2,052 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 When people talk of Chuck Norris, little do they know Chuck's creation is based on the life and times of James 'Our Lad Jimmy' Milner. I love this thread. Struggling not to laugh out loud in a packed main library at the University of Oslo. Link to post Share on other sites
Born-Not-Made 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 James Milner lost both his legs to an anti-personnel mine in the second world war. He had two right legs sown back on, hence his ability to use both feet equally well. Link to post Share on other sites
wiggyrichard 70 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 His pre-match meal is thought to be gruel, recent reports indicate he got a dressing down from John Robertson for asking for some more. Link to post Share on other sites
whitelight66 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Signing for villa wasn't as straightforward as first thought as young Jimmy was also pondering a west end contract to star in the stage production of 'There's Only One Jimmy Grimble' Link to post Share on other sites
kieran84 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 When james milner needs a filling he uses steel melted down from a bayonet he took from a dead german on d-day. Link to post Share on other sites
tismyk 370 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 James Milner lost both his legs to an anti-personnel mine in the second world war. He had two right legs sown back on, hence his ability to use both feet equally well. Your wrong, it was the 1st World War Link to post Share on other sites
whitelight66 0 Posted February 2, 2009 Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 Is it true he washes his own kit with a mangle?And listens to vera lynn before games? breaking up the monotony of refreshing 606 on deadline day! Link to post Share on other sites
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