Guest RantinRob Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 oh dear, that last one was definately out of Rabbit's Crap Joke Catalogue :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernvilla Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 i thought ud like that one... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RantinRob Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 A couple were invited to a masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3_Penny_Opera Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 as soon as I read the last line I clicked the scroll tab on the right and zapped away from your post, Rob! What an initial thought of disguist. Nice one. Sick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernvilla Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 very good rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinitytalk Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 lmao nice one RR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 Good stuff from Rob and Risso. northern, you're good for the groaners :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paddy Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 a woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre... ...so he gave her one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. "Sally," she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding." "I didn't mom," Sally replied. "I was giving a blowjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Here are some for JC and RR as they seem to ike this type Why didn't the eunuch cross the road? He just didn't have the balls. What do you call a nun in a blender? Twisted Sister. What do you call a faggot in the navy? A Rear Admiral. What do you call a man with no arms or legs at the door? Matt. What's brown and squishy and wears pearls? The Gay Rights Movement. What's the worst thing about having a colostomy? Finding shoes to match the bag. Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. What do you call a hooker's kids? Brothel sprouts. What's the difference between Rock Hudson and George Bush? George's aides haven't killed him, yet. What do you call someone with no arms or legs lying out in the sun? Ray. What happens when a Vulcan woman's tampon fails? She gets Toxic Spock Syndrome. What do you call a woman with no arms or legs in a cash register? Penny. Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party? A: The cake jumps out of the girl. Q. What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies? A. Bingo! Q: What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday? A: Erection day. Q: What's pink and hard? A: A pig with a flick knife. Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the shit out of the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USVillan Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 good one's drat..... here's one.... q: What's black, white, and has difficulty getting through revolving doors? a: a nun with a spear through her head! i love the nun theme.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dom_Wren Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 A teacher gives her class an assignment for the weekend. The assignment is to come up with a paragraph with the word contagious in it. When they get back to class she asks who has a story. top of the class Jenny raises her hand and the teacher asks her to continue. "well"says Jenny "my brother had the measles this weekend and we didn't know if it was contagions." "excellent" the teacher says...."anybody else?" she looks at little johnny and says "ok Johnny you tell us your story" "well" Johnny says "I was sitting on the steps of my house with my dad watching the next door neighbor. " Little Johnny pauses "go on the teacher says" "well" johnny says "he was painting the front of his house with a one inch thick paintbrush." johnny pauses again. "carry on johnny" says the teacher. "well" says Johnny "my dad turned round to me and told me its going to take that word removed ages to paint his house" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northernvilla Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted April 16, 2004 Moderator Share Posted April 16, 2004 on the nun theme nun in the morning nun in the afternoon nun in the evening and nun at night it's not funny it my sex life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalim_a Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Scrabble - GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE And the grand finale - PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA : TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RantinRob Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY That's the second time that word has cropped up today, bwa ha ha ha ha haaaa :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 A man with a stutter goes to the Dr's and complains and asks the Docter to give him some help The Docter takes a look at him and tell him the problem is the size of his penis, its to big. So the man stutters to him to take some off. The Docter does so and the following day the guy comes back looking depressed he says "thanks Doc this is great but I'd rather have a bigger cock, can I have some back please" To this the Docter replies "F-F-F-Fu-uck off" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 A man goes to a bar and the fag machine is shouting at him On the bar these Peanuts are telling him how great he is. He asks the barman "What is going on" To this he replies "The Fag machine is out of order and the peanuts are complementry" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JuanPabloAngel Posted April 20, 2004 Share Posted April 20, 2004 POSH GETS REVENGE ON BECKHAM Rumours have emerged that Posh Spice has taken revenge on her husband, by having an affair with Michael Jackson on a recent trip to France. Michael Jackson denies the claim, saying he was in Brooklyn at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted April 20, 2004 Moderator Share Posted April 20, 2004 @ JPA not very PC admittedly but funny all the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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