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JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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6 hours ago, PussEKatt said:

A guy tells his friends that he can identify any drink at all.

His friends bet him $100 that he cant.

So they blindfold him and give him a drink.

He says thats Jack Daniels 1987

They are impressed, so they give him another drink.

He replies,thats Moet and Shandon 1902

His friends give him one more drink.

He spits it out and says Arrrgggg that was petrol

His friend replies, yes but was it regular or super 

He's back!

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The Flat Earth Society have said they’re worried that continued social distancing will push people over the edge. 

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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

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3 hours ago, Paddywhack said:

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

I laughed entirely too much at this.  Great work.

 

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18 hours ago, Paddywhack said:

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large-breasted crab?

One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Crabs don't have breast, silly!

Q:  What's  the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?

A:  A tribe of pygmies is a bunch of cunning little runts and a girls track team is something else entirely.

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Stolen from afterlife

What's worse than ants in your pants? 

Michael Jackson 

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5 hours ago, villa4europe said:

Stolen from afterlife

What's worse than ants in your pants? 

Michael Jackson 

The funniest bit in that series was the psychiatrist explaining why his mate is called ‘The Nonce’ 🤣 

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Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy? Something inside me says yes.

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Some Americans call their toilet "the John" I call my toilet "the Jim".

It sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning

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Got myself some new aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs 

The birds love it

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The man who invented hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died.

R.I.P. Scott Chegg.

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My mate asked me what my ringtone is.

I said " I've never seen it, but I'm guessing it's a light brown".

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I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sitting out front said "I've not eaten for two days".

I told him "I wish I had your will power".

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43 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

My mate asked me what my ringtone is.

I said " I've never seen it, but I'm guessing it's a light brown".

@drat01 called and wants his defender in a wheelie bin back.

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5 hours ago, BOF said:

@drat01 called and wants his defender in a wheelie bin back.

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Before my surgery, my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas, or with a boat paddle. 

It was an ether/oar situation. 

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I had a mate who liked to dip his balls in hot liquid before getting it on.

Not my cup of tea.

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