useless Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 (edited) I wrote a letter to a deer, it was called Dear deer. Edited September 14, 2019 by useless By the way I know it's not very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I wrote a letter to an expensive deer. It was called Dear dear deer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 (edited) What rhymes with orange. No it doesn't. Edited September 15, 2019 by useless Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted September 14, 2019 Share Posted September 14, 2019 I got the joke from about one minute and fifty-five seconds into this video... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 15, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted September 15, 2019 Chromosomes: the third gender -- XX = Female XY = Male YI = Geordie 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted September 19, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 19, 2019 I once took the pee out of a pirate. He was furious. 9 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 21, 2019 Share Posted September 21, 2019 My teenage son proudly told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son" I said "I hope you used something though?" He replied "Yeah, a balaclava." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 23, 2019 Moderator Share Posted September 23, 2019 On 21/09/2019 at 11:45, rjw63 said: My teenage son proudly told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time. "Well done, son" I said "I hope you used something though?" He replied "Yeah, a balaclava." But surely that wouldn't contain all the ... oh wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle, strange name I grant you, but she tortoise well. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted September 25, 2019 Share Posted September 25, 2019 I had a pet rat called Elvis Got caught in a trap 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 26, 2019 Moderator Share Posted September 26, 2019 18 hours ago, Ingram85 said: My favourite teacher at school was Mrs Turtle, strange name I grant you, but she tortoise well. @Ingram85 I think your account has been hacked. I can't imagine by who @drat01 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 26, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted September 26, 2019 44 minutes ago, BOF said: @Ingram85 I think your account has been hacked. I can't imagine by who @drat01 Lewis Carroll, I would imagine. Quote “The master was an old Turtle — we used to call him Tortoise—” “Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?” Alice asked. “We called him a Tortoise because he taught us.” (Alice in Wonderland) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted September 26, 2019 Share Posted September 26, 2019 (edited) Went to a bakery yesterday to buy some cakes and they were all 20p but there was one that was £2 which seemed a bit strange. So I asked the baker how come all of his cakes were 20p but that one is £2? He said "That ones two pound because that's Madeira cake". Edited September 26, 2019 by Ingram85 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted September 27, 2019 Share Posted September 27, 2019 17 hours ago, mjmooney said: Lewis Carroll, I would imagine. Ingram told it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted September 28, 2019 Share Posted September 28, 2019 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 1, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted October 1, 2019 (edited) I set my sat nav's voice to that of Bonnie Tyler. It just kept telling me to turn around, and every now and then it fell apart. So I changed it to Bono - now the streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Edited October 1, 2019 by mjmooney 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 11, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted October 11, 2019 I've found this fantastic chippy that wraps its fish in copier paper. It's a little plaice on the A4. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted October 11, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted October 11, 2019 It’s only a five minute walk to my local pub. Yet it takes me over half an hour to walk home from the same pub. The difference is staggering. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Robtaylor200 Posted October 14, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2019 I was shopping with Mrs T on Saturday , we came out of Tesco and saw a lady crying her eyes out. She had just lost all her holiday money. I gave her £50. I dont normally do this sort of thing But I had just found a grand in the car park 2 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted October 14, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted October 14, 2019 I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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