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JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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On 19/08/2019 at 09:41, villa4europe said:

guess who had 17 missed calls from their ex last night?!

my ex

Another one for general chat.

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English person: Did you hear about the Irishman who...

Irish person: Yeah, you were literally tricked by a bus.

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I have a blind spot  ..... worst guide dog ever

One of our kids just got their GCSE results - last time I heard that many D's match of the day was starting

In science the saturation point at which grated cabbage can no longer absorb Mayonnaise is known as Cole's Law

I once dated a red head ... no hair just a red head. Everyone thought it was a perfect match

I've got a talking dog, last night at the Karaoke he was booed off stage when singing "its oh so quiet" - suppose his Bkork s worst than his bite

I just sold my old Mic on ebay, so annoyed no feedback

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I've never seen The Matrix.

Seemed pointless as I've not watched Matri, Matrii, Matriii, Matriv, Matrv, Matrvi, Matrvii or Matrviii.

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25 minutes ago, BOF said:

I've never seen The Matrix.

Seemed pointless as I've not watched Matri, Matrii, Matriii, Matriv, Matrv, Matrvi, Matrvii or Matrviii.

Same reason I've never had a Twix

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The average size of a male midget is 132 cm (4.33 ft)It's a little gnome fact.

I've just been adding 4 Fisherman's Friends to 13 Lockets then subtracting 7 Tunes - all in my head. It's a bit of menthol arithmetic.

I was in the nat west bank in manchester yesterday The woman behind the counter started singing "Downtown". I thought to myself, "What a peculiar clerk."

We just got in, and someone has stolen all the new turf we had laid last week. My wife is out there at the moment, looking forlorn.

 

 

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I think he's actually getting worse.

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I was watching the news about that dam in Derbyshire that was about to burst. Some people were in a speed boat crashing into it

Turns out they weren't terrorists just the start of Ramadam

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3 hours ago, drat01 said:

The average size of a male midget is 132 cm (4.33 ft)It's a little gnome fact.

I've just been adding 4 Fisherman's Friends to 13 Lockets then subtracting 7 Tunes - all in my head. It's a bit of menthol arithmetic.

I was in the nat west bank in manchester yesterday The woman behind the counter started singing "Downtown". I thought to myself, "What a peculiar clerk."

We just got in, and someone has stolen all the new turf we had laid last week. My wife is out there at the moment, looking forlorn.

 

 

frustrated power rangers GIF

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I loved it when Leo Sayer said I looked like Sam from cheers - he made me feel like Danson 

 

 

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Someone has stolen my anti depressants.

I hope they are **** happy! 

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Let's say a big welcome to the new chairman of the British Budgerigar Society....
Hugh Zapritti-Boyden!

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