Stevo985 Posted July 24, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 24, 2019 12 hours ago, mjmooney said: Two blokes walk into a Belfast pub and music is playing. 'That's Nat King Cole' says one. 'Who is it, then?' says the other. This reminds me of a joke I heard that I can never remember. Even googling doesn't help. It's another play on the northern irish accent. It's something about two pigeons flying over northern ireland. One of them says something Belfast and the other replies with something like "I'm flapping as fast as I can!" That makes no sense, hence how I can't remember the actual joke properly. I literally think about this all the time and can never remember it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 24, 2019 Moderator Share Posted July 24, 2019 14 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: This reminds me of a joke I heard that I can never remember. Even googling doesn't help. It's another play on the northern irish accent. It's something about two pigeons flying over northern ireland. One of them says something Belfast and the other replies with something like "I'm flapping as fast as I can!" That makes no sense, hence how I can't remember the actual joke properly. I literally think about this all the time and can never remember it! Two ducks flying over Belfast. One duck says "Quack" The other duck responds with "I'm going as quack as I can". 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 24, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 24, 2019 48 minutes ago, BOF said: Two ducks flying over Belfast. One duck says "Quack" The other duck responds with "I'm going as quack as I can". **** my ass that's it! You have no idea how long that's bothered me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 24, 2019 Moderator Share Posted July 24, 2019 1 minute ago, Stevo985 said: **** my ass that's it! Oh you #blush# Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 25, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 25, 2019 (edited) On 24/07/2019 at 11:39, Stevo985 said: This reminds me of a joke I heard that I can never remember. Even googling doesn't help. It's another play on the northern irish accent. It's something about two pigeons flying over northern ireland. One of them says something Belfast and the other replies with something like "I'm flapping as fast as I can!" That makes no sense, hence how I can't remember the actual joke properly. I literally think about this all the time and can never remember it! OK, VT joke committee, solve this one for me. It was 1972, some mates and I were sitting a pub beer garden on a sunny day. On the next table, some bloke was telling his mates a long and involved joke. We weren't particularly listening, but there was a moment of silence before the punch line, which triumphantly rang out: "...and the dwarf was wearing a TOP HAT!!!" Their table erupted in hysterical laughter that went on for several minutes. Jokes being what they are, I assumed that sooner or later I would hear the full thing, and all would be made clear. Nope. To this day, nada. Obviously, I've tried Googling it, but to no avail. It still bugs me. What IS the joke that goes with that punchline? EDIT: Making one up to fit it doesn't count. I want the original. Edited July 25, 2019 by mjmooney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 26, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 26, 2019 17 hours ago, mjmooney said: OK, VT joke committee, solve this one for me. It was 1972, some mates and I were sitting a pub beer garden on a sunny day. On the next table, some bloke was telling his mates a long and involved joke. We weren't particularly listening, but there was a moment of silence before the punch line, which triumphantly rang out: "...and the dwarf was wearing a TOP HAT!!!" Their table erupted in hysterical laughter that went on for several minutes. Jokes being what they are, I assumed that sooner or later I would hear the full thing, and all would be made clear. Nope. To this day, nada. Obviously, I've tried Googling it, but to no avail. It still bugs me. What IS the joke that goes with that punchline? EDIT: Making one up to fit it doesn't count. I want the original. Maybe it wasn't a joke, but an anecdote? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 26, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 26, 2019 I googled it and was greeted with this photo I think I'm already done with the internet today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Paddywhack Posted July 26, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted July 26, 2019 There's too many perverts in the park nowadays, I walked through earlier and literally everyone kept staring at my erection. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted July 27, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 27, 2019 On 25/07/2019 at 14:41, mjmooney said: EDIT: Making one up to fit it doesn't count. I want the original. But how will you know for sure? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 27, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 27, 2019 1 hour ago, Rds1983 said: But how will you know for sure? I trust you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rds1983 Posted July 27, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted July 27, 2019 1 hour ago, mjmooney said: I trust you. Okay, here's the joke as i remember it... "There's too many perverts in the park nowadays, I walked through earlier and literally everyone kept staring at my erection.... and the dwarf was wearing a TOP HAT!!!" 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hippo Posted July 27, 2019 Share Posted July 27, 2019 Was attacked and mugged by 6 dwarves today - not Happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 27, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 27, 2019 2 hours ago, Rds1983 said: Okay, here's the joke as i remember it... "There's too many perverts in the park nowadays, I walked through earlier and literally everyone kept staring at my erection.... and the dwarf was wearing a TOP HAT!!!" THAT'S IT!!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 What is plastic and sings? Polly Murrs This morning, a French man said 'beaucoup' to me, which means a lot. I saw a baby horse disguised using a wig and a false moustache earlier - it was a foal’s pretense. A big tree fell on me once, it had some jokes scratched into the side that was facing away from me. It was difficult at the time, but looking back I can cedar funny side. I suspect my wife has a new job vending the hard outer casing of crustaceans at the beach, though it's really hard to say. I saw an ice cream dessert going through a bereavement earlier. It really looked like it was going through a tough time, so I think Lionel Ritchie was mistaken. Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are 5 Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....I think they're Inca hoots I've lost the packaging for my anti-stress medication. I just don't know how much more I can take. Some people say that a Giant Sequoia is better than a Bonsai, but that’s just bigotry. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted July 29, 2019 Share Posted July 29, 2019 Two things Your jokes a crap. Welcome back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted July 29, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 29, 2019 26 minutes ago, drat01 said: What is plastic and sings? Polly Murrs This morning, a French man said 'beaucoup' to me, which means a lot. I saw a baby horse disguised using a wig and a false moustache earlier - it was a foal’s pretense. A big tree fell on me once, it had some jokes scratched into the side that was facing away from me. It was difficult at the time, but looking back I can cedar funny side. I suspect my wife has a new job vending the hard outer casing of crustaceans at the beach, though it's really hard to say. I saw an ice cream dessert going through a bereavement earlier. It really looked like it was going through a tough time, so I think Lionel Ritchie was mistaken. Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are 5 Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....I think they're Inca hoots I've lost the packaging for my anti-stress medication. I just don't know how much more I can take. Some people say that a Giant Sequoia is better than a Bonsai, but that’s just bigotry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted July 29, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 29, 2019 Has @drat01 been reading Gazza tweets? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 30, 2019 Moderator Share Posted July 30, 2019 17 hours ago, drat01 said: What is plastic and sings? Polly Murrs This morning, a French man said 'beaucoup' to me, which means a lot. I saw a baby horse disguised using a wig and a false moustache earlier - it was a foal’s pretense. A big tree fell on me once, it had some jokes scratched into the side that was facing away from me. It was difficult at the time, but looking back I can cedar funny side. I suspect my wife has a new job vending the hard outer casing of crustaceans at the beach, though it's really hard to say. I saw an ice cream dessert going through a bereavement earlier. It really looked like it was going through a tough time, so I think Lionel Ritchie was mistaken. Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are 5 Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....I think they're Inca hoots I've lost the packaging for my anti-stress medication. I just don't know how much more I can take. Some people say that a Giant Sequoia is better than a Bonsai, but that’s just bigotry. Oh God oh God oh God. Too much. It's wonderful. You could've drip fed them to us over the next month 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I met a bloke in a wheelchair today, his face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I am a Paralympian" he replied "Boxing?" I enquired. "No..." he said ..." hurdles". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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