rjw63 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 My cock was actually in the Guinness Book of World Records once. But it really pissed off the librarian and she kicked me out. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I rammed an ice lolly up my arse earlier. It was Fab. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 A lorry carrying a full load of Vicks VapoRub overturned on the M5 yesterday.. Amazingly, There was no congestion for 8 hours. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Mary's second grade class were receiving first aid lessons from the teacher. "Now children, what do we do if get a splinter in our hand?" asked the teacher. Mary shot her hand up. " Ooh. I know! We put it in a cup of Strongbows." "No, Mary, that is incorrect. But I am curious. Why did you come up with that answer?" " Well, Miss. I overheard my sister. She said that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she puts it in cider." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 Why do laxatives have a best before date? If they go off, what's the worst that can happen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 I finally met my girlfriend's parents for the first time today and judging by the looks on their faces they didn't seem very impressed... Miserable c*nts! It was that awkward I nearly told the warden to take me back to my cell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 28, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted June 28, 2019 It only costs 1p to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping, or dressed as a dolphin. So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted June 28, 2019 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted June 28, 2019 On 21/06/2019 at 21:22, rjw63 said: I rammed an ice lolly up my arse earlier. It was Fab. Shouldn't this be in general chat? 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 (edited) 5 minutes ago, BOF said: Shouldn't this be in general chat? Combine it with the Cucumbers he found for Ruge's party... Time to tell us what's really going on here methinks! Edited June 28, 2019 by AvfcRigo82 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veloman Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 The Geordies decided to hold a rally at St James Park to prove that Geordies aren't thick. Place was packed and Alan Shearer steps on to a stage in the middle of the pitch and asks for a volunteer. Gazza shuffles his way onto the stage. Now , says Shearer , just to prove to the rest of the Country ; what is 6 + 8? Gazza thinks for a moment ans says 23 ! Pandemonium breaks out and the Geordies shout , Give him another chance , another chance ! Shearer looks uncomfortable but agrees and says, OK , what is 10 + 5 ? Gazza thinks for several minutes and says 19 ! More pandemonium and the Geordies scream , Another chance , another chance ! Shearer realising things aren't going to plan says , OK one more, what is 2 +2 ? Gazza thinks very hard for several minutes and eventually says 4 !!! More pandemonium and the Geordies shout , Another chance ,another chance ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I lied to my friends and told them I had created a life-size replica of Jackie Chan entirely out of old silk ties. It is a complete fabric Asian. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 12, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 12, 2019 I've got a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 2 minutes ago, mjmooney said: I've got a stepladder. I never knew my real ladder. That joke is such a rung’un (I’ll get my coat) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted July 13, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 13, 2019 It’s national diarrhoea week next week. Runs through to Friday. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 A bra and a spark plug walk into a bar, but are immediately told by the barman they won't be served. The bra asks why and the barman says "because you're off your tits and he's going to start something" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 In the mean time on Cannock Chase. Two Chavs were stopped by the police. One was sniffing battery acid and the other sniffing Fireworks The police charged one of them and let the other off Oh dear 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) Helping my mates to do some D.I.Y. They were shocked to find out I am not a good electrician Edited July 14, 2019 by Robtaylor200 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 23, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 23, 2019 Two blokes walk into a Belfast pub and music is playing. 'That's Nat King Cole' says one. 'Who is it, then?' says the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted July 24, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted July 24, 2019 I just left my job. I couldn't work for that man any longer after what he said to me. What did he say? "You're fired." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 24, 2019 Share Posted July 24, 2019 8 hours ago, il_serpente said: I just left my job. I couldn't work for that man any longer after what he said to me. What did he say? "You're fired." 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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