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JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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So I suggested to my girlfriend that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Took my daughter to the doctors because she said she had Beiber Fever.

 

Turns out it was downsyndrome

 

 

Don't get it.

I don't intend to. Sounds awful.

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Took my daughter to the doctors because she said she had Beiber Fever.

Turns out it was downsyndrome

Don't get it.

I don't intend to. Sounds awful.
Turned a terrible joke into a funny one. Bravo.
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Three pregnant women are sitting in a doctor's waiting room knitting.

Mum 1 checks her watch and takes a pill "Vitamin C - good for mum, good for baby"

Mum 2 takes a pill and says "Vitamin A, good for mum, good for baby"

Mum 3 takes a pill and says "Thalidomide... I can't knit sleeves for shit"

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My wife tried being a prostitute for a night when we were in financial difficulty and made £102.50.

I asked.her who gave her the £2.50. She said all of them.

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"bob:doctor doctor i need a new but.
doctor:what is it bob.
bob:it has a crack in it
doctor:that is normal bob"

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A couple of guys get a job working at a ranch. On the ranch, there's a beautiful girl, the daughter of the man who owns the ranch. She comes out every day, gets on her horse, takes the horse for a ride, comes back, goes in the house. The big guy says to the little guy, "I want to talk to her. How do I talk to her?" Little guy says, "Tell you what you do—it's easy: Paint one of her horse's legs green, she'll talk to you." The big guy paints one of the horse's legs green. She comes out, she looks beautiful in her riding outfit, goes out for her ride, comes back, goes into the house, doesn't say a word. Big guy says, "You lie to me, she not say anything!" Little guy says, "All right, paint all of the horse's legs green, she'll talk to you." Big guys says, "All right. I do that, you better be right." So he paints all four of the horse's legs green, and she comes out in an even more beautiful riding outfit, she looks amazing, she goes for a ride, comes back, goes in the house, doesn't say a word. Big guy says, "I'm going to hurt you, you lie to me, make a fool of me." And the little guy goes, "Okay, you paint the whole horse green and you can beat the crap out of me if she doesn't talk to you." Big guy stays up all night. Two coats on the horse—the horse is completely green. She comes out in her riding outfit looking gorgeous, she looks at the horse, and she says, "Why is my horse painted green?" The big guy responds: "You wanna ****?"

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Edit: I was going to make an anal sex joke, butt f**k it

Edited by Stevo985

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I'm going to try one of those anti-jokes.

 

 

The punchline will go in here.

 

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Met a girl called Lucy and couldn't understand a word she was saying, so I decided to go on a Lucy date.

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What do Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr have in common?

They're the last two Scousers left that have ever had a job.

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