Jump to content
JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

Recommended Posts

 

What do you call a banana cut in half?

"A banana split."

What?

 

 

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”

Edited by useless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

What do you call a banana cut in half?

Anything you like, it can't hurt you now.

 

You see, a banana doesn't have the ability to hear you in the normal ears sense of the word sounds. But even if it could hear you much, it's not going to have such a grasp of the english language as to know you've just called it something rude, faggot plantain or fruity dildo. It simply wouldn't have the skill set. 

In the somewhat unlikely event of the banana developing ears and having some basic understanding of english phrase chucking, it's still essentially immobile anyway. Other than it persuading some imbecile to chuck it (and hoping their aim is better than their loyalty to other humans) It's not going to come after you.

Presuming this was a hearing, understanding and now mobile banana the risk is still very limited, you've cut the little **** in half.

Call it whatever makes you feel good about yourself. It's just a dumb dead seed. 

 

 

What?

 

 

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

What do you call a banana cut in half?

"A banana split."

What?

 

 

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”

 

That's not a joke.

It's a statement of fact :)

 

A banana split is called a banana split because it contains a banana split in half

 

Or have I massively missed something in that joke?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

 

What do you call a banana cut in half?

"A banana split."

What?

 

 

“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”

 

That's not a joke.

It's a statement of fact :)

 

A banana split is called a banana split because it contains a banana split in half

 

Or have I massively missed something in that joke?

 

 

A banana cut in half

 

 

img_1802_thumb.jpg?w=289&h=218

 

A banana split

 

 

 

banana+split.jpg

 

The joke now

 

 

Frog-Dissection_blog.jpg

 

 

 

 

Edited by useless
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two elephants are taking a shower. One of them says the other,
"Pass the soap."
The first says: "Not soap, Radio!"

Edited by useless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What do you call a loaf of bread cut into small slices?

"A sliced loaf"

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

He saw useless about to tell a joke and didn't want to be in the position of having to fake a laugh as it made him feel socially awkward, so he took evasive action.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

Nothing. Chimneys can't speak.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What did one washing machine say to the other?

 

"whirrrrrrrrrrrr shuhuhuhuhuhhuh KLSKLSKLSKLKSLSKLKS whiirrrrrrr"

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did useless post a rubbish joke in the 'WAHEY! It's a JOKE' thread.

Edited by useless

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There once was this guy who worked for the Railroad as a conductor. Let's say his name was Joe. Well, Joe was walking through the train, en route, collecting tickets from the passengers. He comes to car 12, booth 3. In it was a man.

So, he asked him for his ticket: "Excuse me sir, do have your ticket?"

"Oh, I am soooo sorry, I dropped it out the window by accident," he replied.

"Sorry sir, can't have any passengers without tickets." He grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and threw him out of the train. Well, he landed on the tracks and was run over by the train. Naturally, the conductor was arrested and thrown in jail. He was convicted of murder before a jury of his peers, and sentenced to death by electrocution.

The day of his execution came up, and he was asked what he would like for his last meal. He asks for a banana. They gave it to him, he ate it, received his last rites, and was escorted to the chair. The executioner strapped him in, hooked everything up. Last, he threw the big switch once, and nothing happened. So, he did it again, and nothing happened. Well, by law the guy was legally dead, so they had to release him.

Oddly enough, the guy got a job on another railroad, as a conductor! One day, he was gathering tickets, and came to a booth with a little boy.

"Young man, do you have your ticket?", asked the conductor.

"A-a-a, I'm sorry, I ate it by mistake..", said the little boy.

And.. the same thing happened -- the boy was thrown off the train and killed. The guy was arrested, sentenced to death by electrocution. It came to him last day. The death row guard asked him what he would like for his meal. He asked for banana again. He ate it, and a priest gave him last rites.

He was escorted to the death chamber. This time, though, they were smart.

They washed his hands to get rid of any banana slime, they washed up the chair. Next, they placed him the chair, and hooked him up. The switch-puller pulled the switch once, and nothing happened. The switch-puller pulled the switch twice, and nothing happened, not even a single hair raising on the guy's chest.

Well, as the law says, they had to let him go...

Even more amazingly, he got a job on yet another railroad.

This time it was a rabbi. Same old stuff. Rabbi had no ticket (he forgot to buy it). Guy threw him off the train, rabbi died. Guy was arrested, convicted, sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the guard asked him what he would like for a last meal, he asked for a banana. He ate it, received last rites, and was escorted to the chamber.

However, this time the officials where going to get it right! They scrubbed his body with a brillo pad. They scrubbed the chair with steel wool. They tried the chair on a few other prisoners...

Okay, they strapped him in, and threw the switch once, nothing happened. Threw the switch a second time, nothing happened. At this point the guy was legally dead, etc, etc.

But, before the guy could leave, the executioner, extremely frustrated (he'd seen this same guy three times already). asked, "What is it with the banana!"

The guy replied, "I just like bananas."

So, the executioner screamed, "THEN HOW COME YOU DON'T DIE!!!!!"

"I dunno," replied the guy, "I guess I'm just not a very good conductor."

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Judas: still on for Friday?

Jesus: Friday?

Judas: yeah, the last supper

Jesus: the what?

Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas

 

Reminds me of this :D

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...
Â