Stevo985 Posted May 13, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 13, 2013 HA! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 13, 2013 Moderator Share Posted May 13, 2013 See that's not bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 See that's not bad I'll bow out of this thread on a high then Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Designer1 Posted May 13, 2013 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2013 My mates girlfriend is mute. She communicates via embroidery. It's her version of sign language, sew to speak. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 13, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 13, 2013 That had me in stitches. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted May 13, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 13, 2013 Took me a while to cotton on. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 13, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted May 13, 2013 And that's just a sampler of his jokes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I was supposed to be bowing out on a high but... ...I had to come back and say how much I'm enjoying this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 I caught my son listening to a song called "Smack my Bitch Up".I took him to one side and explained it wasn't big or clever to hit women."But Dad", he said, "It's not about that at all. It's about injecting women with heroin so they can be manipulated into prostitution."I apologised for my mistake. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes.I didn't see the person, so I'm not going to assume what gender she was. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted May 16, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted May 16, 2013 I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said "Nice legs". The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so?" I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now." 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 "Groan" Said the table. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. The pain was so intense that the decided to return to the clubhouse for help.Her pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "What's wrong?""I was stung by a bee," she replied."Where?" he asked. She said, "Between the first and second hole." He nodded knowingly and said, "Your stance is too wide." Edited May 17, 2013 by claretman 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 An Australian buisnessman sells his company to a japaneese buisnessman and he has to travel to Japan to finalise the deal. He gets picked up at the airport by a chaffur driven car and taken to the best hotel in Tokyo and finds that he has a beautiful prostitute laid on for him as well. That night he gives her one and she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$% " The next morning he thinks, she enjoyed the sex so much last night that he gives her another go this morning, and again she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$%' He meets the Japanese buisnessman and signs the papers and the Japanese buisnessman invites him to a round of golf. They are at the 18th hole and he decides to miss his 4 foot putt on purpose as his whole time in Tokyo has been great. So he missis his putt, and when the Japaneese man puts his in to win the game, he shouts "@#$% @#$%" Japanese buisnessman...." what do you mean wrong hole" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 3 explorers visit an island. This is a completely uncharted island so they have no idea what to expect. They roam around for a few days, finding new animals and some of the most extraordinary plants they'd ever seen. Eventually after a week, they stumbled into a village. Nobody was around so they had to be quiet. Suddenly one of them sneezed and hundreds of tarted up tribesmen and women came flooding out of their huts. They were immediately tied to logs and taken to the leader of the village (who for all intensive purposes can speak English). 'TO RESPECT OUR GODS AND NOT BE SACRIFICED, YOU MUST PASS A CHALLENGE. GO BACK INTO THE JUNGLES OF THE ISLAND AND FIND ME TEN PIECES OF THE SAME FRUIT' The 3 men are released and taken with armed guards around the island. The first bloke comes back with apples. 'NOW YOU MUST PUSH THOSE PIECES OF FRUIT UP YOU RECTUM WITHOUT MAKING ANY NOISE OR FACIAL EXPRESSION' The 1st bloke gets to 2 apples then winces and is sacrificed. By a stroke of luck, the 2nd bloke has the smallest berries you'll ever seen. He gets to 8 then bursts out laughing and is sacrificed. In the afterlife, the first 2 blokes meet up and the 1st bloke is flabbergasted. 'You could have got out of that. You were doing so well. What happened!?' 'Oh god, I couldn't help myself, I saw the other guy walking into the village with pineapples.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 An Australian buisnessman sells his company to a japaneese buisnessman and he has to travel to Japan to finalise the deal. He gets picked up at the airport by a chaffur driven car and taken to the best hotel in Tokyo and finds that he has a beautiful prostitute laid on for him as well. That night he gives her one and she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$% " The next morning he thinks, she enjoyed the sex so much last night that he gives her another go this morning, and again she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$%' He meets the Japanese buisnessman and signs the papers and the Japanese buisnessman invites him to a round of golf. They are at the 18th hole and he decides to miss his 4 foot putt on purpose as his whole time in Tokyo has been great. So he missis his putt, and when the Japaneese man puts his in to win the game, he shouts "@#$% @#$%" Japanese buisnessman...." what do you mean wrong hole" That joke makes no sense and even if it did it wouldn't be funny. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 PussEKatt, please don't post in this topic again said everyone, always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 An Australian buisnessman sells his company to a japaneese buisnessman and he has to travel to Japan to finalise the deal. He gets picked up at the airport by a chaffur driven car and taken to the best hotel in Tokyo and finds that he has a beautiful prostitute laid on for him as well. That night he gives her one and she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$% " The next morning he thinks, she enjoyed the sex so much last night that he gives her another go this morning, and again she keeps yelling " @#$% @#$%' He meets the Japanese buisnessman and signs the papers and the Japanese buisnessman invites him to a round of golf. They are at the 18th hole and he decides to miss his 4 foot putt on purpose as his whole time in Tokyo has been great. So he missis his putt, and when the Japaneese man puts his in to win the game, he shouts "@#$% @#$%" Japanese buisnessman...." what do you mean wrong hole" 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted May 17, 2013 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted May 17, 2013 (edited) Time to rescue the thread!! How do you get down from an elephant? You don't, you get down from a duck. Play me off, Johnny! Edited May 17, 2013 by Stevo985 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 That gif is amazing, truly makes it, read it fast as fast as possible then look at the gif. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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