claretman Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) My wife came into my shed earlier, and said to me: ''I'm not being funny, when are you going to do something with your life? All you do is sit in this shit heap all day, making crap inventions! And not just that, they never work or do anything!!"It was at this point that my newest invention, the Slap-A-Fat-clearing in the woods-O-Matic-3000 proved her wrong. Edited March 27, 2013 by claretman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 ^^Dont get it (and there's a GIF thread y'know) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Swing and a miss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 i think it's a STRIKE OUT. 3-2 on the scoreboard means 3 balls and 2 strikes, so, now he is out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 At least Gareth is awake today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Would have been easier to say "shit joke mate" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 I thought it was a nicer thing to do, I even went as far as to put a smiley in first. But yeah, your probably right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Dammit when I seen rob left a comment I was kinda looking forward to clicking in ...what a crock of arse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 My wife went absolutely mental when I got drunk last night and came crashing through the front door at 11pm. "You're a word removed!" she screamed. "I know I am," I said, as I took off my seatbelt, climbed out of the car window and staggered upstairs to bed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) I came home early from work to find my wife sat in the living room. Completely out of character she told me to get my cock out and whank off in her face. I got such a hard on and whipped it out and started to toss myself off in her face vigorously. Just as I was about to come her mother walked in from the kitchen holding a freshly made cuppa. "There mum" said my wife "I told you he was a dirty sex obsessed bastard." Edited March 28, 2013 by rjw63 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Kissing the back of someone's neck is a sensuous thing to do. Unless it's a stranger in a queue in Primark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Since my girlfriend had her car accident, it's made having sex quite difficult for us. The morgue keep calling the police. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I was a bit paranoid about my sexual prowess after catching my wife filling in a Cosmopolitan questionnaire - "Is Your Man Bad In Bed?". "It's just something to do when I'm bored" she protested. "That's a relief," I replied, as I carried on thrusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 I'll always remember my first shag. 12 years old and scared as hell. Mind you, I was 31. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 28, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted March 28, 2013 SHould we change the thread title to "Rob's Confessions"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Bahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 28, 2013 Share Posted March 28, 2013 A bloke in the pub shouts in a drunken rage "All lawyers are cnuts!!" I got up and screamed "Hey! You take that back! I take offence to that!" The bloke slurs "Why? Are you a lawyer?" "No. I'm a cnut" I replied,punching him in the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted March 29, 2013 Share Posted March 29, 2013 Some doctors are touring the local assylum when they see a patient painting a beautiful picture. Doctor: You cant be mad if you can paint like that. Patient: I am not mad. Doctor: Then why are you here ? Patient: Because I get all the paints I want,all the paper/canvass I want and I can spend all day painting. Just as the doctor is about to walk on he sees a man hanging from the ceiling. Doctor: Why is that man hanging from the ceiling ? Patient: Oh him, He is mad, he thinks he is a lightbulb. Doctor: Why dont you cut him down then ? Patient: What, and paint in the dark ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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