Ginko Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 I'd just undo the vice, but that's just me I guess... I don't think we should encourage Puss E Katt to make more jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Husband comes home early from night-shift to find his wife in bed with the milkman. Husband grabs the milkman and takes him out to the garden shed.He puts the milkmans dick in the vice and locks the vice.He then goes over to the other end of the shed and returns with a hacksaw, and puts it down by the vice. Milkman: What?! you expect me to believe that you are going to cut my dick off. Husband: No,you are, I am going to set fire to the shed. Is this from past experience? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 It doesn't work though. The cunnilingus does taste the same (well, I'd imagine so), but the beer most definitely doesn't. 'Late for the Sky' is one of my favourite albums. Just noticed the picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 29, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 29, 2013 'Late for the Sky' is one of my favourite albums. Just noticed the picture. Good man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Bob’s missus was fed up of him coming home from the pub every weekend pissed up and covered in his own sick, so she’s gave him an ultimatum, behave or he’s out!! Comes the weekend and he’s at the pub again, knocking them back and getting carried away, so much so that he forgot his wife’s threats and got bladdered again. Eventually he threw up all down his new jacket and at that point he remembered what she had said. “Shite!” he said to his mate and then went on to explain what a pickle he was now in. “No problem” his mate said “just tuck a tenner in your top pocket, then when you get home and the wife starts on you, pull out the cash and say that a guy in the pub threw up on you and he was that sorry that he gave you the cash to get your jacket cleaned, simple.” Bob was made up and straight away put a ten pound note in his top pocket and carried on drinking. Much later he arrived home in a terrible state and his wife was livid. “That’s it, I warned you, we’re finished!!” she shouted. Bob quite calmly explained what had happened and said if she didn’t believe him, check his pocket. She gingerly put in her hand and pulled out two, sick covered tenners. “I thought you said he gave you ten pounds to clean the sick off your coat and there’s twenty quid here, why the extra” “Oh yeah, I forgot to say he shit in my pants too!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Clement Freud is looking down at you with a grumpy look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stewiek2 Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 After the furore of horse meat being found in Tesco burgers, Primark are now in the spotlight this week after it was revealed that camel toe has been found in all their leggings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 1, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 1, 2013 Probably closer to moose's hoof. Camel toe is the somewhat desireable version. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 My mate Sid was a victim of ID theft.He's just called S now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 1, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 1, 2013 Your avatar rescued you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Hey, c'mon. Its a cut above Puss E Kat's offerings surely? How about- BBC News: "3 Cliff Walkers Fall to Their Death" Wow, what were the chances of them all having the same name? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 1, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 1, 2013 I can only conclude that you and PussEKatt are the same person. If not, you're perfect for each other Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 1, 2013 Share Posted February 1, 2013 Harsh! I'll see what else I can dig out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 1, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 1, 2013 Harsh! I'll see what else I can dig out.No rush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted February 1, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 1, 2013 Knock knock "Who's there?" "Peter Odemwingie" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 1, 2013 Moderator Share Posted February 1, 2013 Nicked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted February 1, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 1, 2013 Took my girlfriend to the cinema last night. "Two tickets, please," I said to the guy at the counter. "For the hobbit?" "She's my girlfriend, actually." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted February 3, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2013 Went to see Southampton play last week, and sat behind the goal. Was a terrible first half though, all I saw was a load of old Boruc. (Believe it or not, that joke was not created by a professional comedian, but me. Puss E Katt, you're welcome to use it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 (edited) Peter Odemwingie disgusted many fans on transfer deadline day, but his optimistic style gave me inspiration. I've been knocking on Holly Willoughby's door all morning, shouting, "Can I have a tit wank?" ********** Peter Odemwingie is playing terrible for QPR today. It's like he's not there. Edited February 3, 2013 by rjw63 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regular_john Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Tesco in a spot of bother again after human DNA was discovered in Welsh lamb. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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