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JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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As my spunk dribbled down my girlfriend's chin, I looked her in the eyes and said, "Do you like that?"

"No," she replied, "What the **** is in this sandwich?"

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France have today announced that it published those pictures of Kate Middleton in response to us sending them Joey Barton.

It has been described as a tit for Tw@ retaliation

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John Terry has announced his retirement from international football.

However, he remains confident of picking up a winners medal in the 2014 World Cup.

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My mate Dwayne is built like a brick shit house, or at least he was until he lost his legs in a car crash. He's more like a brick shit bungalow now

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I'm tired of all these razors telling me they have 3,4, and 5 blades or whatever. Want to impress me?

Make one I can shave my bollocks with, without me being terrified.

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I hate glory supporters excuses..."Well my Dad supported them when I was young"...

My dad used to **** my mom as well, It doesn't mean I have to...

I do that because I'm a small heath fan.

  • Haha 1

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I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening.

And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews.

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My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

"Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

And that was all the invitation I needed...

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They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary.

His last entry was about 10 years old.

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Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church...

The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession.

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Child abuse victims always show the same signs.

Difficulty maintaining relationships, anger issues, suicidal thoughts and the most obvious of all, a Jim'll Fix It badge.

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Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church...

The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession.

That's a good (but dark) one :)

I'll be telling that to my (catholic) mother and waiting for her reaction :D

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After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, **** him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

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Three people walked by a strip bar they walked in, the first guy licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on one side of her butt. The next guy also, licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the other side of her butt. The third guy walks in takes out a credit card swipes it through her butt and takes the 200 dollars.

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I hate taking my Ethiopian girlfriend to parties.

A couple of glasses of fresh clean water and she's anybody's.

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I saw Lee Majors at the airport yesterday and he looked a million dollars.

He's really let himself go .

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My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

"Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

And that was all the invitation I needed...

Bravo sir

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