Troglodyte Posted September 21, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2012 As my spunk dribbled down my girlfriend's chin, I looked her in the eyes and said, "Do you like that?" "No," she replied, "What the **** is in this sandwich?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted September 21, 2012 Moderator Share Posted September 21, 2012 France have today announced that it published those pictures of Kate Middleton in response to us sending them Joey Barton. It has been described as a tit for Tw@ retaliation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villadude Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 John Terry has announced his retirement from international football. However, he remains confident of picking up a winners medal in the 2014 World Cup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted September 26, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted September 26, 2012 It's a ten minute walk from my house to the pub. Weirdly, it's a two hour walk from the pub to my house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 My mate Dwayne is built like a brick shit house, or at least he was until he lost his legs in a car crash. He's more like a brick shit bungalow now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I'm tired of all these razors telling me they have 3,4, and 5 blades or whatever. Want to impress me? Make one I can shave my bollocks with, without me being terrified. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I hate glory supporters excuses..."Well my Dad supported them when I was young"... My dad used to **** my mom as well, It doesn't mean I have to... I do that because I'm a small heath fan. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 I was having a great time at the Nazi karaoke evening. And then I went and spoiled it all by saying something stupid like I love Jews. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 My girlfriend was putting sun cream on. "Do you mind doing my back?" she asked. "Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes." "Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?" And that was all the invitation I needed... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary. His last entry was about 10 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church... The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Child abuse victims always show the same signs. Difficulty maintaining relationships, anger issues, suicidal thoughts and the most obvious of all, a Jim'll Fix It badge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 5, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted October 5, 2012 Jimmy Savile had to stop going to church... The priests kept fighting over who got to hear his confession. That's a good (but dark) one I'll be telling that to my (catholic) mother and waiting for her reaction Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face." "He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!" "You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you." "Well, **** him," said John. "I did. You're back at work on Monday." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted October 5, 2012 Share Posted October 5, 2012 Three people walked by a strip bar they walked in, the first guy licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on one side of her butt. The next guy also, licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the other side of her butt. The third guy walks in takes out a credit card swipes it through her butt and takes the 200 dollars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 5, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted October 5, 2012 You've gone from hero to zero there, Dem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 What's the difference between Jimmy Savile & Weetabix? ....Weetabix still comes in 12's. . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshVilla Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 I hate taking my Ethiopian girlfriend to parties. A couple of glasses of fresh clean water and she's anybody's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I saw Lee Majors at the airport yesterday and he looked a million dollars. He's really let himself go . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 My girlfriend was putting sun cream on. "Do you mind doing my back?" she asked. "Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes." "Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?" And that was all the invitation I needed... Bravo sir Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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