JohnCresswell

WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

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4 minutes ago, choffer said:

If you've had an accident in your sleep, do you call a somnambulance?

You pissed the bed again didn't you?

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Turns out it's very easy to prevent women from eating Tide pods

Spoiler

But it's much more difficult to deter gents.

 

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  • Haha 2

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My Marina Van  True story who else would confess to owning a Marina Van

I customised it (yeh I was young then) a long long time ago

 

It was British Racing Green, a front spoiler, rear roof spoiler a bonnet bulge, whistling indicators, triple air horns, a siren, a C.B. radio, red and blue whip aerials on each side, the back windows had skull and cross bones printed on mirror glass you could see out but you couldn’t see in, I had taken all the switches off the dashboard and fitted them to a console in the middle. I had lined the inside with foam and fur, speakers and lights sunk into the fur. Thick bamboo poles separated the front from the back.

Shag pile carpet and cushions.

Finished off with the name on the visor VANTASTIC

 

One night I was taking a young lady over Cannock Chase in my van to see the deer feeding at about 1 o’clock in the morning.

She asked me if I was into kinky sex and could I whip her. So bloody dark I couldn’t see a stick, I didn’t want to miss out so I broke a foot off one of my aerials and whipped her with that.

The next night I met her in the pub and she could hardly walk I had whipped a bit too hard; she showed me the marks on her bum. She had taken the day off work and gone to the doctors

The Doctor said it was the worse case of van-aerial disease he had ever seen

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3 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said:

My friends butler has no left arm

serves him right 

I think, I might soon regret, posting those battery life extending tips 😁

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What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

 

 

How would I know.  I'm just the drone operator.

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On 29/01/2019 at 09:03, Robtaylor200 said:

My Marina Van  True story who else would confess to owning a Marina Van

 

I customised it (yeh I was young then) a long long time ago

 

 

 

It was British Racing Green, a front spoiler, rear roof spoiler a bonnet bulge, whistling indicators, triple air horns, a siren, a C.B. radio, red and blue whip aerials on each side, the back windows had skull and cross bones printed on mirror glass you could see out but you couldn’t see in, I had taken all the switches off the dashboard and fitted them to a console in the middle. I had lined the inside with foam and fur, speakers and lights sunk into the fur. Thick bamboo poles separated the front from the back.

 

Shag pile carpet and cushions.

 

Finished off with the name on the visor VANTASTIC

 

 

 

One night I was taking a young lady over Cannock Chase in my van to see the deer feeding at about 1 o’clock in the morning.

 

She asked me if I was into kinky sex and could I whip her. So bloody dark I couldn’t see a stick, I didn’t want to miss out so I broke a foot off one of my aerials and whipped her with that.

 

The next night I met her in the pub and she could hardly walk I had whipped a bit too hard; she showed me the marks on her bum. She had taken the day off work and gone to the doctors

 

The Doctor said it was the worse case of van-aerial disease he had ever seen

giphy.gif

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Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid.

Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out.

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3 minutes ago, chrisp65 said:

Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid.

Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out.

This would be much funnier if it was in 'General Chat'.

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1 minute ago, BOF said:

This would be much funnier if it was in 'General Chat'.

except general chat's doing my **** crust in

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7 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid.

Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out.

Would have been better without the punchline.

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