BOF Posted January 25, 2019 Moderator Share Posted January 25, 2019 Turns out it's very easy to prevent women from eating Tide pods Spoiler But it's much more difficult to deter gents. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 My Marina Van True story who else would confess to owning a Marina Van I customised it (yeh I was young then) a long long time ago It was British Racing Green, a front spoiler, rear roof spoiler a bonnet bulge, whistling indicators, triple air horns, a siren, a C.B. radio, red and blue whip aerials on each side, the back windows had skull and cross bones printed on mirror glass you could see out but you couldn’t see in, I had taken all the switches off the dashboard and fitted them to a console in the middle. I had lined the inside with foam and fur, speakers and lights sunk into the fur. Thick bamboo poles separated the front from the back. Shag pile carpet and cushions. Finished off with the name on the visor VANTASTIC One night I was taking a young lady over Cannock Chase in my van to see the deer feeding at about 1 o’clock in the morning. She asked me if I was into kinky sex and could I whip her. So bloody dark I couldn’t see a stick, I didn’t want to miss out so I broke a foot off one of my aerials and whipped her with that. The next night I met her in the pub and she could hardly walk I had whipped a bit too hard; she showed me the marks on her bum. She had taken the day off work and gone to the doctors The Doctor said it was the worse case of van-aerial disease he had ever seen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted January 30, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted January 30, 2019 If you could be in a band with any musician alive or dead who would it be? Bono, dead. 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 My friends butler has no left arm serves him right 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MickeyC_UTV Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 3 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: My friends butler has no left arm serves him right I think, I might soon regret, posting those battery life extending tips 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 6, 2019 Moderator Share Posted February 6, 2019 What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital? How would I know. I'm just the drone operator. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 On 29/01/2019 at 09:03, Robtaylor200 said: My Marina Van True story who else would confess to owning a Marina Van I customised it (yeh I was young then) a long long time ago It was British Racing Green, a front spoiler, rear roof spoiler a bonnet bulge, whistling indicators, triple air horns, a siren, a C.B. radio, red and blue whip aerials on each side, the back windows had skull and cross bones printed on mirror glass you could see out but you couldn’t see in, I had taken all the switches off the dashboard and fitted them to a console in the middle. I had lined the inside with foam and fur, speakers and lights sunk into the fur. Thick bamboo poles separated the front from the back. Shag pile carpet and cushions. Finished off with the name on the visor VANTASTIC One night I was taking a young lady over Cannock Chase in my van to see the deer feeding at about 1 o’clock in the morning. She asked me if I was into kinky sex and could I whip her. So bloody dark I couldn’t see a stick, I didn’t want to miss out so I broke a foot off one of my aerials and whipped her with that. The next night I met her in the pub and she could hardly walk I had whipped a bit too hard; she showed me the marks on her bum. She had taken the day off work and gone to the doctors The Doctor said it was the worse case of van-aerial disease he had ever seen 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted February 8, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted February 8, 2019 Went to the gym earlier, while working out I noticed a hole in my trainer... just big enough to get my finger in. So anyway... she's made a formal complaint and now I'm banned for life. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted February 11, 2019 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted February 11, 2019 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid. Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 11, 2019 Moderator Share Posted February 11, 2019 3 minutes ago, chrisp65 said: Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid. Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out. This would be much funnier if it was in 'General Chat'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 1 minute ago, BOF said: This would be much funnier if it was in 'General Chat'. except general chat's doing my **** crust in 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted February 11, 2019 Share Posted February 11, 2019 3 minutes ago, chrisp65 said: except general chat's doing my **** crust in Looks fine to me 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted February 11, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 11, 2019 (edited) I've made a ventriloquist dummy out of some old carpet. It's ruggish. Edited February 14, 2019 by choffer 5 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted February 11, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted February 11, 2019 7 hours ago, chrisp65 said: Just had the neighbour round complaining about my kid. Apparently his daughter and my son have been playing doctors and nurses. I explained it was only natural that they'd be curious and want to explore the funny little physical differences between the sexes. It's part of growing up and I was sure there was no harm in it. Turns out he's taken her appendix out. Would have been better without the punchline. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted February 11, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 11, 2019 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Paddywhack Posted February 12, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted February 12, 2019 I was thrown out of Weight Watchers. I accepted the decision with huge grace, because they threw her out as well. 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted February 12, 2019 Share Posted February 12, 2019 We always had a jumper for Christmas. It was my job to talk them down. BBC said there was a programme about the clitoris on the red button. I couldn't find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 13, 2019 Moderator Share Posted February 13, 2019 In the 1980s, a freight plane full of car parts exploded over Japan. It rained Datsun cogs. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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