choffer Posted February 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 6, 2017 23 hours ago, Ginko said: Did you know dogs can't operate an MRI? But catscan. There's another joke along similar lines which I will attempt to butcher........ Man goes to the doctor for a private check-up. Doc gives him the all-clear. Man demands a second opinion so the doc opens the door and in walks a tabby cat. Cat looks the man up and down, nods to the doc and leaves. The doc tells the man he's fine and there's nothing wrong with him. The patient, still unhappy, asks for another opinion so again, the doc holds the door open and in walks a labrador. The dog walks around the man, sniffing as he goes. Once finished he looks at the doctor and gives him a nod. The doctor tells his patient that having been checked thoroughly three times, he is 100% certain there is nothing wrong with him and hands the patient his bill which comes to £1,000. The guy can't believe the price and asks for a breakdown so he can understand why it was so expensive. The doc replies "The original consultation was £100 but you weren't happy so the catscan was another £400 and the lab test was £500." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted February 6, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 6, 2017 4 hours ago, Enda said: What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a lentil on his face. A subtle twist on an old favourite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted February 6, 2017 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 6, 2017 Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? A. Don't know and don't care. 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted February 16, 2017 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 16, 2017 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted February 16, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 16, 2017 3 hours ago, mjmooney said: That is a Harry Redknapp style top top joke which I will be inflicting on my work colleagues in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 On 04/02/2017 at 11:25, AJ said: How is KFC like sex? After you are done with the breast and thighs, you put the greasy bone in the box. Once you get past the tender breasts and juicy thighs all that's left is a greasy bucket. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Straggler Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 54 minutes ago, Dante_Lockhart said: Once you get past the tender breasts and juicy thighs all that's left is a greasy bucket. If you are purchasing at the cheap and nasty end of the market you are going to feel sick afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted February 17, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 17, 2017 I was going to go on holiday to Thailand with a friend but then he said Phuket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darrenm Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Surely this has been done before? Who's the coolest guy at the hospital? The ultrasound guy Who's the coolest when he's not around? The hip replacement guy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post villa4europe Posted February 18, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted February 18, 2017 Got an Eastern European cleaner to do my house, she's good but she takes ages to do the hoovering shes a Slovak 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted February 20, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted February 20, 2017 Went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I have told a donkey to **** off!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted February 24, 2017 Share Posted February 24, 2017 Have you ever thought about how a cup of tea might be cold by the time it gets down to a giraffe's stomach? No, no you haven't, because you only ever think about yourself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted February 25, 2017 Share Posted February 25, 2017 On 20/02/2017 at 08:56, Designer1 said: Went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but I have told a donkey to **** off!" This is my favorite joke of all time, I don't know why but if I try to tell it to someone I always end up cracking up before I even finish it, its not even that funny 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted March 2, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 2, 2017 I used to be in an 80's Indie Band called "Prevention" We were better than The Cure. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 On 17/02/2017 at 22:20, sidcow said: I was going to go on holiday to Thailand with a friend but then he said Phuket. I was going to do drugs in Thailand, but my friend advised against it. When I asked why, he said "Phuket" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 I just had my recurring dream where I ask for a tattoo of Jim Morrison and they give me a tattoo of Val Kilmer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted March 24, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 24, 2017 I hate getting old. I was at a lap-dancing club last night and as I tucked a tenner into her underwear she whispered, "Come upstairs with me and I'll give you super sex." "Thanks," I said. "I'll have the soup." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Straggler Posted March 24, 2017 Share Posted March 24, 2017 Why do you never see a fruit molester on their own. Because they like to come in pairs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted March 27, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 27, 2017 How do you tell a chemistry professor from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted March 27, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted March 27, 2017 Heisenberg was flying along in his sports care when he got pulled over. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I knew exactly where I was." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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