Popular Post BOF Posted July 20, 2021 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted July 20, 2021 Found out today why there are barcodes on all returning Swedish military ships. It's so they can Scandinavian. 6 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Big Salad Posted July 26, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted July 26, 2021 I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it,but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mark Albrighton Posted July 26, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted July 26, 2021 In the office I would tell jokes and everyone would fall about laughing. Now doing meetings for work on Microsoft teams and the like, my gags barely raise a smile. Turns out I’m not remotely funny. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted July 27, 2021 Share Posted July 27, 2021 On 26/07/2021 at 05:45, Big Salad said: I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it,but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. If you find it's keeping the sheets off you for more than 4 hours, you should seek medical advice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 28, 2021 Moderator Share Posted July 28, 2021 17 hours ago, StanBalaban said: If you find it's keeping the sheets off you for more than 4 hours, you should seek medical advice. If he's lying down and has a perpendicular erection he should probably get his scrotum loosened as well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted July 28, 2021 Share Posted July 28, 2021 6 minutes ago, BOF said: If he's lying down and has a perpendicular erection he should probably get his scrotum loosened as well. I shudder to think what my GP's reaction would be if I asked for a 'scrotum loosening'. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomav84 Posted July 28, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted July 28, 2021 just popped over from the jack grealish thread. talk of scrotum loosening is genuinely preferable to that. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 29, 2021 Share Posted July 29, 2021 Bloke checks into a hotel. He phones reception and says "Hi, this is room 26. Can I have a wake-up call please?" Desk clerk: "Certainly Sir. You're in your mid-30s, single, live with your mother, and you've achieved nothing in life." 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 Trying to tell a Joke to thick sod at work, not sure what is funniest. Goes like this Alright William ?, yes thankyou Rob did you have a good weekend ? Actually I went up Telford town center. There was a couple of lads busking, playing ABBA songs really loud, so loud I could hear the drums from Nando's Where's that then 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted August 11, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: Trying to tell a Joke to thick sod at work, not sure what is funniest. Goes like this Alright William ?, yes thankyou Rob did you have a good weekend ? Actually I went up Telford town center. There was a couple of lads busking, playing ABBA songs really loud, so loud I could hear the drums from Nando's Where's that then Not sure many people under 30 would get that reference to be fair. The song is nearly 50 years old now. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted August 11, 2021 Moderator Share Posted August 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: Trying to tell a Joke to thick sod at work, not sure what is funniest. Goes like this Alright William ?, yes thankyou Rob did you have a good weekend ? Actually I went up Telford town center. There was a couple of lads busking, playing ABBA songs really loud, so loud I could hear the drums from Nando's Where's that then I have to confess, I wouldn't have got that if it was spoken, yes I obviously know the song but I'm not really a lyric person Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 3 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: Trying to tell a Joke to thick sod at work, not sure what is funniest. Goes like this Alright William ?, yes thankyou Rob did you have a good weekend ? Actually I went up Telford town center. There was a couple of lads busking, playing ABBA songs really loud, so loud I could hear the drums from Nando's Where's that then last time I was in Telford town centre there was a man playing Dancing Queen on a didgeridoo. I thought, that’s abba-riginal. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 11, 2021 Moderator Share Posted August 11, 2021 1 hour ago, bickster said: 5 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: Trying to tell a Joke to thick sod at work, not sure what is funniest. Goes like this Alright William ?, yes thankyou Rob did you have a good weekend ? Actually I went up Telford town center. There was a couple of lads busking, playing ABBA songs really loud, so loud I could hear the drums from Nando's Where's that then I have to confess, I wouldn't have got that if it was spoken, yes I obviously know the song but I'm not really a lyric person I had a similar situation in town one day with a band playing a Queen song. I was a bit far away at the time and I could barely make them out because the weather was absolutely horrendous. Thunderbolts of lightning, very very frightening. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted August 11, 2021 Moderator Share Posted August 11, 2021 8 minutes ago, BOF said: I had a similar situation in town one day with a band playing a Queen song. I was a bit far away at the time and I could barely make them out because the weather was absolutely horrendous. Thunderbolts of lightning, very very frightening. Another One Bites The Dust 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted August 11, 2021 Moderator Share Posted August 11, 2021 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the **** Queen covers band. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted August 11, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 11, 2021 20 minutes ago, bickster said: Another One Bites The Dust You've just got to get right out of here @bickster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 11, 2021 Share Posted August 11, 2021 9 hours ago, sidcow said: You've just got to get right out of here @bickster and he wants to be free 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Big Salad Posted August 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2021 (edited) My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out. I can't read a ****ing word now. Edited August 12, 2021 by Big Salad 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted August 12, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 12, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Big Salad said: My wife asked me to put tomato ketchup on the shopping list that I was writing out. I can't read a ****ing word now. Edited August 12, 2021 by sidcow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted August 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 12, 2021 A strange woman looked through my window this morning and saw me watching porn and masturbating furiously. Thankfully after about ten seconds of shocked embarrassing silence the lights turned green. 2 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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