WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[Paddywhack]

I'm going to run out of likes today.

Edited April 24, 2018 by Paddywhack

[Stevo985]

Then there was this other funeral.

The widow was meant to read something she had prepared earlier, but couldn't stop crying.

A man stood up and asked her if she'd like him to read what she was trying to say instead. She nodded.

The man took the paper and read "It better myself"

As he sat back down the widow turned to him and said "Thanks, I couldn't have said it better myself"

[BOF]

4 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Then there was this other funeral.

The widow was meant to read something she had prepared earlier, but couldn't stop crying.

A man stood up and asked her if she'd like him to read what she was trying to say instead. She nodded.

The man took the paper and read "It better myself"

As he sat back down the widow turned to him and said "Thanks, I couldn't have said it better myself"

[StefanAVFC]

Lot of funerals lately but reminds me of one I went to

 I was sat behind the widow, and I leaned over and asked her if I could say a word

She said sure

I stood up, cleared my throat and said "Plethora"

As I sat down, she leaned back over and said "thanks that means a lot"

[blandy]

28 minutes ago, BOF said:

Make it stop.

At this funeral, a man asked the widow if he could say a few words,

She agreed

Crying, he said "make it stop"

She said "I guess it's all over, now" and cried as well.

So sad. Covfefe!

[Stevo985]

12 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

Lot of funerals lately but reminds me of one I went to

 I was sat behind the widow, and I leaned over and asked her if I could say a word

She said sure

I stood up, cleared my throat and said "Plethora"

As I sat down, she leaned back over and said "thanks that means a lot"

That reminds me of another funeral I was at.

You were there and you asked the widow if you could tell a joke. She said you could.

You got up and told the joke.

As you sat back down, the widow turned to you and said "That's Bin Dunne you **** mongaloid"

Edited April 24, 2018 by Stevo985

[StefanAVFC]

Why did the half blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well

[lapal_fan]

Why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? 

So he could see her CRACK

[AVFC_Hitz]

At a funeral a man asks a widow if he can say a few words.

She agrees.

He stands, says nothing but goes from 1 to 10 in his head.

The widow, a little bemused, replies "Thanks, it's the thought that counts"

Edited April 24, 2018 by AVFC_Hitz

[lapal_fan]

Just now, lapal_fan said:

Why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? 

So he could see her CRACK

at her funeral, a bloke asked humpty dumpty to say a few words

He said "ok then" (whilst he was crying)

and the bloke stood up and said 

"I'm eighty two"

and then humpty turned around and said (crying a lot) "thanks mate, that was wicked, she loved that number"

and then the bloke turned around and said "thanks a lot" 

and then humpty dumpy said "plethora lol"

and then blake spinned around and said "oxygen in the blood an that"

and thn humpy pumpy said "that is from ur bodee"

an tn sad "I have a head like as ****' orange"

a n s "rocket polisher"

asdsfgfjdgndpijaf "thnks a loot"

an they all said "ROFLTERCOPTERTANKBUSTERANUS"

 

FIN. 

[Stevo985]

2 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

 

asdsfgfjdgndpijaf "thnks a loot"

 

It's finally happening everyone. Laps has finally had a stroke.

[StefanAVFC]

I went to @lapal_fan's funeral the other day

I asked his wife if I could say a few words

I stood up and said 'Mr Tumble is a paedophile'

As I sat down, she turned around and said 'yes that's true but this isn't the time or the place for that'

[blandy]

why is 

28 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

Why did humpty dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall? ...

 

Why is egg white?

Albumen.

[StefanAVFC]

In France, why do they only need one egg to make an omelette? 

Because one egg is un oeuf

[lapal_fan]

Just now, StefanAVFC said:

In France, why do they only need one egg to make an omelette? 

Because one egg is un oeuf

Arrr Matey

Plethora

Urethra 

[Paddywhack]

There's another funeral.

A man says to the widow, "Can I say a few words?"

She says, "Of course you bloody can".

He says "To not have died" and sits down.

She says "Thanks, he would have loved that"

[Stevo985]

Oh man, that reminds me of ANOTHER funeral I was at.

A man asked the widow if he could say something.

She said "not you as well?! **** get on with it then"

The man stood up and said "Something"

As he sat back down, the widow turned to him and said "Thanks, that means more to me than anything"

[StefanAVFC]

What I'm taking from this, is that there's some weird bloke turning up at funerals asking to say things

[lapal_fan]

I was at the funeral and a man goes up to the widow and says

"can I say something then you stupid bitch?"

and the widow goes "yea why not?"

and the bloke says "anything to eat?" then sits back down

and the widow turns and says "thank you, there will be at the wake later" 

and the man stands back up and says "egg sandwiches?" and sits back down

the widow turns around and says "thanks, yes"

and the man stands up again and says "sausage rolls" and sits back down

and the widow turns and says "lovely, yes"

and the man stands up again and says "mini scotch eggs"

and the widow goes "thank you, yes"

and then the man stands up again and says "I bet the salad goes untouched, if there is any"

and the widow gently turns around and says "I imagine so, yes - thanks for the kind words"

and the man stands back up and says "a small selection of asda family share puddings"

and the widow turns with a tear in her eye and says "yes, I got the mini rolls pack, party rings, mini eclairs, and mini kiplings, thanks"

and the man stands up and says "carry on, I've got to eat, I'm very hungry now" then sits down

and the widow says "yes, please reverend, hurry up and burn the bastard, we're all very hungry" - while crying 

[StefanAVFC]