choffer Posted February 8, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 8, 2014 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate. Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?” Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”. Copyright Adam Buxton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate. Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?” Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”. Copyright Adam Buxton I don't even know who Adam Buxton is, I copied the joke from another forum. I couldn't even begin to try and make my own jokes up, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 You don't know who Adam Buxton is? He's only the funniest man with a beard this side of Coventry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted February 8, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 8, 2014 Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are having Easter at their holiday home with guests, after a long hunt Arnold is unable to find even one egg while all the others have mountains of chocolate. Maria asks him “Does this mean you hate Easter now, Arnie?” Schwarzenegger replies “I still love Easter baby”. Copyright Adam Buxton I don't even know who Adam Buxton is, I copied the joke from another forum. I couldn't even begin to try and make my own jokes up, lol. They (Adam & Joe) used to do a made-up jokes section on their podcast (which are highly recommended btw) and this joke originated from there. For tortured punchlines and punnery of the highest order, check it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted February 8, 2014 Share Posted February 8, 2014 Thanks guys, I realize who he is now, I'm sure he tells the joke real great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I've recently started using food in my magic act.I start by crushing garlic, basil and pine nuts and then I blend them together with grated parmesan and olive oil.Hey Pesto! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I was going down on a woman last night when I started to taste horse semen. I looked up at her and said 'Oh, so that's how you died, Nan'. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonLax Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 That's quite a skill you have that you can tell an animal by tasting its seman! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post claretman Posted February 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 11, 2014 An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?” “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 My missus laughed in my face when I told her I was going to make a car out of spaghetti Should of seen her face when I drove pasta 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted February 12, 2014 Share Posted February 12, 2014 I sabotaged a baking competition at a church the other day by setting it on fire. There were some very hot cross nuns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyShears Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 DFS are selling settees that float and can reach up to 10 knotsThey've got a sail on. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 14, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 14, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 I said to my wife, "What do you want for Valentine's day?" She said, "I don't know, a CD of love songs would be nice." "Any particular artist?" I asked. "Well," she said, "I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I do like a particular black person who's blind." That's just great! I thought to myself. I'm going to look like a right word removed standing in HMV asking if they've got anything by Harvey Price. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 14, 2014 Share Posted February 14, 2014 What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on my face. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Meath_Villan Posted February 15, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted February 15, 2014 Asked my wife what present she wanted for Valentines Day "Here's a clue, think of an ex England goalkeeper" apparently she meant Flowers not Seaman! 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist who went to trial for public indecency? he got off on a technicality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaglint Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 (edited) Not really a joke but a funny story my friend told me (Is there a funny stories thread?) He was working for a new company about 3 weeks into new job at a meeting with some clients he had never met before. A fella mid 40's a girl early 20's. They had a good meeting and all went fine and towards the end my friend said "before we finish dont you think we should discuss the elephant in the room" (in reference to some product line that was going to be stopped in the near future). The meeting carries on and they discuss that and other matters then as everyone is getting there things together the girl pipes up (who hasn't spoken at all so far in the meeting) and says that she is really offended that Tom (my friend) has just referred to her as an elephant! The other two are just stunned into silence until the girls boss says to her no thats just a saying and explains... Edited February 18, 2014 by villaglint 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Not really a joke but a funny story my friend told me (Is there a funny stories thread?) He was working for a new company about 3 weeks into new job at a meeting with some clients he had never met before. A fella mid 40's a girl early 20's. They had a good meeting and all went fine and towards the end my friend said "before we finish dont you think we should discuss the elephant in the room" (in reference to some product line that was going to be stopped in the near future). The meeting carries on and they discuss that and other matters then as everyone is getting there things together the girl pipes up (who hasn't spoken at all so far in the meeting) and says that she is really offended that Tom (my friend) has just referred to her as an elephant! The other two are just stunned into silence until the girls boss says to her no thats just a saying and explains... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted February 18, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 18, 2014 I love 'my mate' stories! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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