rjw63 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 My former manager's girlfriend came to our place of work (a bar), slugged back 2 white wines and went to the ladies' room to have buck naked girl sex with the woman she was chatting up at the bar, while her boyfriend embarrassingly paced outside the door having sent in a waitress to spy on them and confirm cunnilingus was being performed inside the toilet stall. pics would be lovely 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 My former manager's girlfriend came to our place of work (a bar), slugged back 2 white wines and went to the ladies' room to have buck naked girl sex with the woman she was chatting up at the bar, while her boyfriend embarrassingly paced outside the door having sent in a waitress to spy on them and confirm cunnilingus was being performed inside the toilet stall. pics would be lovely its a given Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post knoppy1987 Posted August 24, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) Good thread - been very distracting for me the last 20 minutes. Not necessarily funny but some odd things from work. I don't think I have bought toilet roll in about a year having helped myself to work supplies. That's about the worst thing I have done. Still etched into the toilet wall is a small pink wand with an arrow pointing and the name 'Neil'. Cruelly, Neil had tourettes as well as other things so he didn't have the best deal in life but he did lose his job. I honestly don't believe it was him who did it but hey ho. A colleague of mine took a day off when we had a deadline for a job with Turkish Airlines; the word removed emailed in saying he drank a cold can of coke after a warm shower the night before and hadn't felt good since. Always pulls sickies on deadline day but that excuse took the biscuit and is somewhat infamous at work. A colleague of mine once issued an aircraft report (we're aircraft appraisers) with a picture of Arnie on the front cover in the captains seat of a Boeing 777 with his thumb up; not what you do to a client paying over £50k. The same colleague also went to South Africa to inspect some Beechcraft King Air aircraft. In our reports we have to put pictures of the aircraft etc. He had a picture in there of some bird shit on one of the passenger windows with the caption 'Some Bird Dudu' and another one with some oil markings on fuselage 'ominous stain'. He once compared a utility Helicopter exit door as being the size of a 'large dog'. He also signs off his reports in random Polish names usually Americanised ones. He also writes reports in a very Americanised manner for shits and giggles. With Emirates branding being everywhere, he took some toilet roll and drew the Emirates logo on around 10 or 12 sheets of the roll and put it back in the toilet. He also bought Emirates stickers and stuck them on his business cards. He refuses to flush the toilet after a turd as well. No idea how he gets away with it. He has worked here since 1999. Probably the best thing I have seen him do: he had a packet of sausages in his car for weeks (probably nice sausages when edible). He was leaving one Friday and threw them in the car park in the Chairman's parking space. He then ran the sausages over numerous times and the Chairman's parking space was covered in sausage. It was made funnier as he drives a Skoda Octavia Estate without the headrests so it just looked as if some demoralised Taxi driver was going nuts in the car park. He is a tad eccentric and is that guy that buys his Mrs a hoover for Christmas. However, he knows everything about aircraft. Edited August 24, 2015 by knoppy1987 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 24, 2015 Moderator Share Posted August 24, 2015 My former manager's girlfriend came to our place of work (a bar), slugged back 2 white wines and went to the ladies' room to have buck naked girl sex with the woman she was chatting up at the bar, while her boyfriend embarrassingly paced outside the door having sent in a waitress to spy on them and confirm cunnilingus was being performed inside the toilet stall. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troon_villan Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 A few years back the ceo's PA sent an email intended just for him to the entire company. It was someone's CV with the message "it's always better to hire someone who already has a job if you know what I mean..." [emoji38] I don't get the joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 At another bar job, i witnessed a girl who was at the bar and jyst met some guy, start giving him a handjob right there at the bar. They then went downstairs tk the restrooms...the doorman went down to check things out, and said he saw the guy pounding thegirl from behind up against the cigarette machine. They were asked to leave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 At another bar job, i witnessed a girl who was at the bar and jyst met some guy, start giving him a handjob right there at the bar. They then went downstairs tk the restrooms...the doorman went down to check things out, and said he saw the guy pounding thegirl from behind up against the cigarette machine. They were asked to leave I think, at the bar, he just asked her if she could get some change out of his pocket because his hands were full and then later he was helping her nudge the machine because her cigarettes had got stuck. Totally innocent. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post dAVe80 Posted August 24, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted August 24, 2015 (edited) When I used to work shifts, doing 4 days on, 4 days off, I used to have to do a handover report and email it to the bosses on the other rotation. It became blatantly obvious that no one was actually reading the emails, so for my own amusement, instead of ending the emails with, "Kind regards" or "Many thanks", I started to end them with things like, "Big up", "Easy now", "One love", "Jah bless", etc. That kept me amused for months. Edited August 24, 2015 by dAVe80 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Easy now, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCDAN Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 When I used to work shifts, doing 4 days on, 4 days off, I used to have to do a handover report and email it to the bosses on the other rotation. It became blatantly obvious that no one was actually reading the emails, so for my own amusement, instead of ending the emails with, "Kind regards" or "Many thanks", I started to end them with things like, "Big up", "Easy now", "One love", "Jah bless", etc. That kept me amused for months. AKA the Ali G soundboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marka Ragnos Posted August 24, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted August 24, 2015 A shitacular thread. Jeeeeez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 When I used to work shifts, doing 4 days on, 4 days off, I used to have to do a handover report and email it to the bosses on the other rotation. It became blatantly obvious that no one was actually reading the emails, so for my own amusement, instead of ending the emails with, "Kind regards" or "Many thanks", I started to end them with things like, "Big up", "Easy now", "One love", "Jah bless", etc. That kept me amused for months. AKA the Ali G soundboard. Not really. More street slang from my youth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 Working at JLR is a laugh a minute, therefore too many humourous anecdotes to mention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) I have a few more additions on yesterday that have come to mind. Emails - one of the lads who I work with had just started and I had allowed to him to email a female client from Ireland who works for an Engine Leasing Company. The lad is from Sri Lanka, really nice person and speaks superb English so I thought nothing of it. Maybe some nerves or writing about engine thrust ratings but instead of writing 'Dear Emer, I trust you are well.....' he simply left it as (and spelled trust wrong) 'Dear Emer, I thrust you. Please find attached.....'. Unfortunately we didn't make it in time for a recall. Sadistically, I was quite happy about that. This one, I can't believe I didn't mention yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn't present in the meeting but rumour got out quickly and there was firing. We had a Engine Technical Inspector join us from Rolls-Royce along with another chap who still works here. Anyway, we have this 'Daily Business Update' meeting. Very corporate BS and all the managers join in the boardroom. Anyway this Tech Inspector is asked to link up his laptop with the big screen to detail revenue streams from an asset management contract. Chairman, COO and CFO present up pops last nights Ebony delights. Always click 'X' and do a shut down. Anyway he was sacked but rumour has it him and his mate used to enjoy business trips to Africa for certain reasons. The other chap is never in the office and spends a lot of time circling Asia and East Africa. Back to the eccentric colleague. When I first joined, he used to buy sandwiches from a sandwich van that stopped by the office. However, he became incredibly unhappy that they kept putting mayonnaise on his sandwich despite him telling them. He was in a foul mood one day and went to the sandwich van and bought his sandwich. It had mayonnaise on it. He gave them a right roasting as it was a pre-order arrangement. Next day, went and bought a sandwich; it had mayonnaise on it again but he had not looked and returned to the office. He threw the sandwich unintentionally at a standalone fan - sandwich everywhere. I had to praise the sandwich van man for that. Class act. He also has the most stupid taste in sandwiches and worse, he pays someone all the time to make them. At the minute he is paying about £3.70 to have a sandwich containing beef and sausage. No sauce, no butter just nothing on brown bread. Anyway the same fan was eventually broken (by him) when he had an argument with his then boss over some Helsinki expenses when one food bill came in to the equivalent of £400 and a taxi fare well over the odds. It turned out he went out for a few pints and met a Finnish family of five. He was probably slaughtered so played the 'big I am' and offered to take them all to dinner on the company credit card. He was only there for a night inspecting an old Finnair MD-11. Argument commenced and he stormed out the office booting the fan into the wall on his way out. He got a similar bollocking when in Kentucky at a General Electric conference. He got bored and paid a taxi driver to take him around 100 miles away to the hills and to see some scenery. He also got a speeding fine in Austria and tried to expense that which is just bloody idiotic. So back to his doodles (which he is good at), he drew an A380 (and if you know the aircraft it is an ugly monstrosity and we're not massive lovers of Airbus aircraft) but adapted it so that it was actually a hippo. Anyway he pinned it up next to his desk and although not particularly funny, we had Airbus visiting and one of their representatives comes and has a chat to him for 10 minutes, but as an onlooker all I could focus on was this Hippo A380 drawing on A3 paper and how I was hoping the Airbus guy would see it. Edited August 25, 2015 by knoppy1987 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I once uncovered a Paedophile who'd been hiding in my town under an alias for 5 years - with his cupboard under the stairs plastered with Level 5 images of children. That and the lady whose children reported her for shagging the family Labrador. 2 of the reasons why I don't work in Child Protection anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I have a few more additions on yesterday that have come to mind. Emails - one of the lads who I work with had just started and I had allowed to him to email a female client from Ireland who works for an Engine Leasing Company. The lad is from Sri Lanka, really nice person and speaks superb English so I thought nothing of it. Maybe some nerves or writing about engine thrust ratings but instead of writing 'Dear Emer, I trust you are well.....' he simply left it as (and spelled trust wrong) 'Dear Emer, I thrust you. Please find attached.....'. Unfortunately we didn't make it in time for a recall. Sadistically, I was quite happy about that. This one, I can't believe I didn't mention yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn't present in the meeting but rumour got out quickly and there was firing. We had a Engine Technical Inspector join us from Rolls-Royce along with another chap who still works here. Anyway, we have this 'Daily Business Update' meeting. Very corporate BS and all the managers join in the boardroom. Anyway this Tech Inspector is asked to link up his laptop with the big screen to detail revenue streams from an asset management contract. Chairman, COO and CFO present up pops last nights Ebony delights. Always click 'X' and do a shut down. Anyway he was sacked but rumour has it him and his mate used to enjoy business trips to Africa for certain reasons. The other chap is never in the office and spends a lot of time circling Asia and East Africa. Back to the eccentric colleague. When I first joined, he used to buy sandwiches from a sandwich van that stopped by the office. However, he became incredibly unhappy that they kept putting mayonnaise on his sandwich despite him telling them. He was in a foul mood one day and went to the sandwich van and bought his sandwich. It had mayonnaise on it. He gave them a right roasting as it was a pre-order arrangement. Next day, went and bought a sandwich; it had mayonnaise on it again but he had not looked and returned to the office. He threw the sandwich unintentionally at a standalone fan - sandwich everywhere. I had to praise the sandwich van man for that. Class act. He also has the most stupid taste in sandwiches and worse, he pays someone all the time to make them. At the minute he is paying about £3.70 to have a sandwich containing beef and sausage. No sauce, no butter just nothing on brown bread. Anyway the same fan was eventually broken (by him) when he had an argument with his then boss over some Helsinki expenses when one food bill came in to the equivalent of £400 and a taxi fare well over the odds. It turned out he went out for a few pints and met a Finnish family of five. He was probably slaughtered so played the 'big I am' and offered to take them all to dinner on the company credit card. He was only there for a night inspecting an old Finnair MD-11. Argument commenced and he stormed out the office booting the fan into the wall on his way out. He got a similar bollocking when in Kentucky at a General Electric conference. He got bored and paid a taxi driver to take him around 100 miles away to the hills and to see some scenery. He also got a speeding fine in Austria and tried to expense that which is just bloody idiotic. So back to his doodles (which he is good at), he drew an A380 (and if you know the aircraft it is an ugly monstrosity and we're not massive lovers of Airbus aircraft) but adapted it so that it was actually a hippo. Anyway he pinned it up next to his desk and although not particularly funny, we had Airbus visiting and one of their representatives comes and has a chat to him for 10 minutes, but as an onlooker all I could focus on was this Hippo A380 drawing on A3 paper and how I was hoping the Airbus guy would see it. I want your job, not literally your job, but outside of commercial aviation pilot, inspecting the beasts would be the next best thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knoppy1987 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I want your job, not literally your job, but outside of commercial aviation pilot, inspecting the beasts would be the next best thing. I inspect/appraise the engines but it's not a bad job especially if you're a bit of a aircraft nerd. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 I want your job, not literally your job, but outside of commercial aviation pilot, inspecting the beasts would be the next best thing. I inspect/appraise the engines but it's not a bad job especially if you're a bit of a aircraft nerd. You literally are my hero. I have stood infront of jet engines at cosford and said to my wife, I would love to be able to understand that. Seriously, if I had my life all over again that would be the route I would choose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 /ghey 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted August 27, 2015 Share Posted August 27, 2015 /ghey how can it be ghey its not like I am outside his house, now, behind the wall, rubbing a picture of a a Rolls Royce RB211 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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