SIFF World Cup

[villaajax]

Technically Robbie Savage is a human so a vote for humans is a vote for Robbie Savage.

[Ginko]

Yes well, technically Joran Van Der Sloot is Dutch, so does that mean by supporting the Netherlands you support him?

[8pints]

3rd Place Play-Off

Chimp XI vs The Gorillas

 

A meaningless game really, we all know that, two defeated sides playing for pride but this one has added spice in the sense it is a tense Simian Derby!

 

5th Minute

 

The Gorillas pile the pressure on early, they are bombarding the back-line of Chimp XI with some strong direct play! Congo launches the ball in to the air, it lands just inside Chimp XI's penalty area, Joe Young's first to react! He takes a shot....oooo, he snatched at that, if truth be told and it's crept just past the post! 

 

8th Minute

 

Chimp XI with a corner now, Cornelius sends the ball in, it evades every Gorilla, dips right in front of Bili, he connects......GOAL!

 

Bili knocks the ball in to The Gorilla's net and they are not happy!......Wait a minute, the ass-istant is flagging!

 

Pingu The Ref waddles over to have a word....he blows his whistle, the goal's disallowed!

 

Pingu reaches for his pocket and brandishes a red card in Bili's direction! Now it's Chimp XI's turn to be angry! We're just looking at the Replays sponsored by Parrots and it becomes quite clear now we can see it from different angles, that Bili handled that in to the net!

 

Good spot by the ass-istant and Bili is given his marching orders! There's been a lot of talk about hand-ball controversy in this tournament and there's another example of it! Chim XI will be forced to play the vast majority of the game with only ten apes!

 

19th Minute

 

Gorillas surge forward, some attractive passing play....wait there, Bam Bam with the perceptive interception! He looks up and drives a ball up the field, Chimp XI on the counter here and The Gorillas are caught out a bit!

 

The ball lands in front of Bubbles, out on the left wing! Bubbles controls the ball and cuts inside, The Gorillas try to close him down, he takes a speculative shot......GOAL!

 

The sign of a natural goal scorer there! The ball nestles snugly in the left hand corner of the goal, The Gorilla's keeper caught out at the near post!

 

Surely that cements Bubble's place as the Tournament's top goal scorer with 4 goals to his name!? Will The Golden Paw belong to him this year!?

 

 

33rd Minute

 

The Gorillas try to get a foot-hold in the game, they are playing some beautiful football, Chimp XI's back four is looking solid however as Muggs brings it out from the back.

 

He plays it across the pitch to Koba, just outside the penalty area, he surges forward, King Kong slides in......PENALTY! Koba is down inside the area holding his ankle, he looks to be in tremendous pain! King Kong is already back up though and remonstrating with Pingu! We're looking at Parrot Replays and it's clear to us all there was absolutely no contact! Koba dived! 

 

King Kong can not believe this decision has been made! As the yellow card is shown to him, his team-mates join him in the protest!

 

Seat68 is livid and storms out of his technical area, waving his hands about in anger! He shouts over to 8pints but Chimp XI's Coach refuses to be drawn on the matter! The coward just stares straight ahead but deep in his heart he must know, his consistently controversial Chimp has once again showcased his ugly side!

 

The Gorillas are going bananas! Pingu consults his ass-istant and it seems like they are in agreement! The decision stands, that donkey has bought the deception too!

 

Koba greedily grabs the ball and marches towards the penalty spot as The chants of The Gathered Gorilla Fans echo around the stadium "You know what you are, you know what you arrrrrr-arrr, Koba you ******! You know what you are!"

 

Koba places the ball on the spot but Caesar intervenes, he's telling Koba to step back and let Bam Bam take it! Bam started the move for the first goal today but he had a very mixed semi-final, his confidence may still need a boost!

 

Koba kneels and offers his open palm to Caesar who strokes it and the pair get out of the way and let Bam Bam step up!

 

He looks calm, short run up, leans over the ball as he thumps it and......Keeper saves! Punches it away! But Bam Bam is on the follow up, rushes forward, throws his head at it......GOAL! Bam Bam scores the rebound! 

 

 

Half time

 

The midway point arrives with The Gorillas playing the better football but with Chimp XI having put their chances away, however manufactured one of them was, to go in two goals up!

 

Security accompany Pingu and his Ass-istants off the field! Gorillas fans are going nuts and Seat68 can't get anywhere near him to give him a piece of his mind as much as he tries!

 

There's a fracas inside the tunnel! I can't see anything but Koba's bottom and four or five Gorilla boots trying to kick it! There maybe a SIFF investigation, this all looks very ill-tempered, hopefully the break enables a few tempers to cool,

 

55th Minute

 

Ten minutes in to the second half and things are more composed, there's still an edge to the game though and you feel like once more incident could make this whole thing kick off big style!

 

Chimp XI with the ball now, Caesar dribbling it through the Gorilla midfield, they can't get the ball off him! Caesar bearing down on the box, Gorillas look a bit last ditch! David Silvaback comes through the back of Caesar, I'm sure there's an acronym for that, split seconds after he gets his shot off!

 

Pingu looks to see if there's an advantage......and there is! The ball sails in to the top corner! GOAL! Expertly finished by Chimp XI's captain but he looks to be in some trouble here! He's down on the ground and he is not moving! Gorillas and Chimps come together once more and Pingu is having a hard job keeping a lid on this!

 

David SIlvaback is cautioned as the physios run on to Caesar's aid! It's not looking good and the stretcher has been waved on! Oh deary, deary me!

 

Caesar is carefully bundled on to the Banana hammock, it's a tight squeeze! As they depart down the tunnel, accompanied by a hearty but worried applause from Chimp XI's faithful, I can't help feeling this is not a fitting Tournament goodbye for one of the greatest Chimps to ever play the game!

 

Stanley is brought on in Caesar's place but Chimp XI are without their true leader. Koba steps up and rolls on the Captain's armband!

 

69th Minute

 

It's nothing but a tetchy affair now! Chimp XI look woeful, even though it's them with the three goal lead! Plenty of misplaced passes and mistimed runs!

 

Wait a minute, what's this!? An energetic human has trespassed on to the field of play and is proceeding to remove all of his clothes! Security are slow to react and the human is completely in his birthday suit in no time!

 

It appears he has smeared something in to the shape of a word across his chest! What does that say!? "Imaginary" I think, the human is tumbling about and seemingly having a great time in the age it takes Security to catch up with him and escort him off the pitch! He's running around chanting "This is imaginary! This is imaginary! This is imaginary!" fans seem bemused.

 

As he heads to the rear of the stadium, we can clearly see there's a bit of art work on his bottom too. a hashtag on one cheek and 'topbantz' on the other, what a peculiar interruption to an already strained meeting! Finally, the game gets underway once more!

 

88th Minute

 

It's all Gorillas now! Chimp XI trying to stifle the game but they are having no luck! Their discipline has completely gone, they are just trying to stop The Gorillas from playing, they have no thoughts to string any moves of their own together!

 

Gorillas win a free-kick just outside the box! Faustino Gorilla steps up, strikes it sweetly...GOAL!

 

The Gorillas get one back and their desperate to retrieve the ball and get on with it! Koba holds on to it inside the net, Jeebus that guy really is a word removed!

 

Pingu interjects, the Penguin grabs the ball and waddles back to the halfway line for the kick off! Problem is that Penguin waddles so slowly, the game is not exactly getting off to a quick restart!

 

89th Minute

 

Chimp XI kick off and try to shield it but it's not working! The Gorillas force back control again! They make moves on the Chimp XI net, Chimps are reeling trying to block them off and crowd them out!

 

A square ball across the pitch, Christina .A. Gorilla gets on the end of it, she looks focused, it's apparent there's only one thing on her mind!

 

Chimps try to kick lumps out of her but she stays on her feet and in possession of the ball! Pingu plays the advance as the Girl Gorilla...the 'Girlrilla' maybe not, moves towards Çarli as she rushes out to try and grab the ball!

 

Christina .A. Gorilla keeps her cool and chimps the chip......chips the chimp......as she falls at her feet, Christina .A. Gorilla sidesteps Çarli and slots the ball in to the empty net.......GOAL!

 

Christina .A. Gorilla scoops up the ball and strides back to the halfway line to get the game started once more! Gorillas, at one point three goals behind, are mounting a comeback case here, they are only one behind, but have they left it too late? Or are Chimp XI falling apart in the same way they did in the Semi-Final?

 

 

90th Minute

 

Surely an equaliser is not far away for The Gorillas? fifty-fifty ball in the middle, Koba and Gorilla Mockingbird challenge for it......woah! Koba went in with the elbow there! He's sure to be in trouble! Some Gorillas try to help Gorilla Mockingbird to his feet whilst others crowd around Koba, The Gorillas are going Ape Sh*t!

 

Pingu waddles up, what's he going to do? Gorilla Mockingbird is back on his feet and in Koba's face......I don't believe it! Koba just bit Gorilla Mockingbird, right on the nose! If he wasn't going to be given his marching orders beforehand, he is sure to be now! Koba is holding his teeth, claiming Gorilla Mockingbird hit him in the face with his nose but no one's buying it!

 

And sure enough, when Pingu finally waddles over, out comes the red card and Koba is sent on his way. He leaves the pitch to monumental jeers, even from his own fans!

 

And Pingu's seen enough all together! Tired of both SImian sides not understanding what he is saying, Pingu has blown the whistle, drawing this ill-tempered game to a close!

 

Final Whistle

 

As I said at the beginning, this game does not even mean anything, we are unsure if it even counts as it is not written by The SIFF President but the Chimp XI manager, so it is a bit biased basically isn't it? No vote or anything, just decided by 8pints' mind, who is now writing in third person, what a pretentious *****!

 

It has the official logo at the start which the other games don't even contain, so there must be some real officiality somewhere here.

 

In conclusion, a violent Simian Derby, bookended by Chimp dismissals, acts as our Third Place Play Off, where Chimp XI get the win after some dubious behaviour from one player in particular as well as them having to hold on after their leader was broken up.  

 

Chimp XI 3 - 2 The Gorillas

Edited August 24, 2014 by 8pints

[mjmooney]

[Voinjama]

This is the very first time I have dipped into this thread. Had a quick look at the last page. One word - speechless. 

[Rob182]

Go back to the start and read it, you'll learn some interesting animal facts.... Kind of.

[Stevo985]

The 3rd place play off was unsanctioned.

If 8 pints took any money from that game then he's in a world of trouble

[villaajax]

Kangaroos take the lead, despite people being offered money to vote human, via PM... allegedly.

 

 

 

[mjmooney]

That's a sending off.

[Stevo985]

SIFF WORLD CUP FINAL

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are moments away from the kick off for the FINAL of the SIFF world cup. Here you'll find live updates of the game as it happens.

 

0 Minutes: Stefan leads out his human team, the favourites to win the final, with great pride. The Kangaroos are already out waiting for kick off. The captains exchange pleasantries and handshakes. The Humans win the toss and kick off. We are underway!

 

2 Minutes: A cagey start. Both teams feeling each other out. The Kangaroos' pace is immediately evident, but the Human's superior footwork is paying dividends, however, as they hold onto possession and keep the ball away from the kangaroos.

 

7 Minutes: our first real chance here. Rachel Riley slips a through ball in between the kangaroo centrebacks but Heskey's effort is well saved byKangazares down to his right hand side.

 

10 Minutes: this time it's the kangaroos with the chance. Against the run of play, but Kangarooney fires an effort at Gareth's goal but the agile giant tips the effort around the post. The kangaroos are unable to make anything from the corner.

 

12 Minutes: GOAL! The Humans make their dominance count with an early goal. A corner is whipped in and half cleared, but Jack Woodward meets the clearance with a thunderous volley from the edge of the area which finds the top corner. 1-0 to the humans.

 

15 Minutes: The kangaroos are level almost immediately as they break quickly from a Human attack but a square ball Bryan Kangaruiz is fired wide.

 

18 MInutes: Booking! Henry the Hoover finds herself in the book after a cynical foul on the kangaroo midfielder stops a Kangaroo attack in its tracks

 

21 Minutes: GOAL! The Kangaroos are level!! Another foul from the illdisciplined humans gave Kangarooney a chance to fire in a free kick, and fire it in he did. Using the unorthodox yet effective backheel that the kangaroos have perfected, he fired the ball hard and low leaving Gareth RDR stranded. We're back level, 1-1.

 

24 Minutes: Booking! Another booking here for the humans as their tough tactics begin to backfire. This time Ban Ki Moon goes in hard, too hard for the ref's liking and he goes into the book.

 

30 Minutes: GOAL! Unbelievable stuff here. The humans are ahead again. A patient build up negates the kangaroos' pace, with the humans passing the ball around in the opposition half. Eventually Boris Johnson overlaps and whips in a cross which is met by Henry the Hoover who powers home a header at the far post. 2-1 in favour of the humans.

 

32 Minutes: Woodwork! The humans almost find themselves 2 goals to the good here as a curling Jordi Alba effort clips the outside of the post and out for a goal kick. The kangaroos living dangerously.

 

35 Minutes: GOAL! No...disallowed. A Kangaroo cross looks to have been headed in by David Kangaluiz, but the linesman flags and replays show the afro'd kangaroo used his hand to put it in. He receives a booking for his troubles.

 

40 MInutes: The kangaroos really are living dangerously here, leaving themselves very open at the back in search of an equaliser. This time a kangaroo attack breaks down and the human counter leaves Heskey clean through, but Kangaluiz uses his pace to recover and block the shot.

 

43 Minutes: GOAL! And the Kangaroos' luck runs out. Heskey is clear again and this time he makes no mistake, taking the shot early and slotting it home under the onrushing Kangazares. The Human fans erupt into chants of "Even Heskey Scored". 3-1 to the Humans and they're totally in the driving seat now.

 

45+1 Minutes: The ref has blown for half time here. The Kangaroos need to regroup and change tactics for the second half or this game is going to get away from them.

 

 

 

46 Minutes: The Kangaroos get us back underway here and an early chance falls to Kangaruiz but he cant' get the ball out of his feet and scuffs it well wide.

 

49 Minutes: FLASH POINT! We've got a red card here! Henry the Hoover has gone in hard on David Kangaluiz and the referee shows no hesitation in showing a second yellow, the humans are down to 10.

 

50 Minutes: but that's not all! The humans are accusing Kangaluiz of play acting and, OH! David Kangaluiz has lashed out at Jack Woodward with a punch. The ref is reaching for a card. Yes, it's red!! The Kangaroos are also reduced to 10 men. Unbelievable stuff, Jeff.

 

53 minutes: Chance for the kangaroos. The Kangaroos seem to be coping with the reduced numbers better, the lack of human midfielders allowing them to fire some long balls up to Kangarooney. He gets on the end of one but his header is easily gathered by Gareth RDR.

 

58 Minutes: GOAL! We've got a game on our hands here. The Kangaroos continue to show more intent at 10 vs 10 and this time Kangarooney is the creator, his backward header pounced upon by Kangaruiz who fires home into the bottom corner. 3-2 to the Humans!

 

62 Minutes: The humans have been given a wakeup call and respond with some attacking play of their own. A couple of half chances go astray but Riley squanders a golden opportunity when scuffed clearance lands at her feet but she can only find the goalkeeper's gloves with her effort.

 

66 Minutes: Again the humans go close. A clever one two between woodward and Downing sees the latter through on goal but Kangazares is out to smother in time.

 

75 Minutes: GOAL! This match is heading for a hell of a climax! The Kangaroos weather the Human onslaught and then launch a counter attack of their own. Brian Kangaruiz leaps into attack, slides in Kangarooney who fires hard and high and beats Gareth with a screamer into the roof of the net. 3-3!!

 

78 Minutes: Chance! The humans look shell shocked! The Kangaroos are in again and almost take the lead but Ban Ki Moon slides in with a last ditch tackle and Nathan Baker clears with a hoof upfield. This game has completely turned on its head.

 

80 Minutes: It's end to end stuff here now. Neither side wants extra time, and it shows. This time the humans go close, a Stewart Downing drive is tipped round the post. Baker rises highest from the resulting corner but can't find the target with his header.

 

83 Minutes: Chance! It's the Humans again with a great chance. Rachel Riley finds the byline and cuts the ball back. Woodward runs onto it and fires a vicious shot at goal but Kangazares somehow gets a hand to the ball with a huge leap and turns the ball round the post.

 

86 Minutes: GOAL! I don't believe this! The Kangaroos have the lead. Kangarooney has his second of the match as he latches on to a Kangaruiz cross from deep and heads down into the ground, the bounce taking it over the flailing arms of Gareth RDR. The Kangaroos have come from 3-1 down to lead this game with less than 5 minutes to go!

 

89 Minutes: StefanAVFC is urging his players forward as the Humans throw everything at the kangaroos in search of an equaliser. A Rachel Riley effort finds the side netting and a Downing cross is met by a wayward Heskey header. No breakthrough yet as the fourth official signals 4 minutes of injury time.

 

90+2 Minutes: CHANCE! It's so close from the humans. They're lumping the ball forward now, and a Heskey knockdown finds the feet of Ban Ki Moon who had stayed forward. His shot is parried by Kangazares and Downing's follow up is again saved by the Kanagaroo keeper. And incredible double save. ArteSuave is screaming at his players to step out and not play so deep. 2 minutes left!

 

90+3 Minutes and 30 seconds: A long ball into the box finds Heskey who's header is tame, but it can only be turned over the crossbar by Kangazares. The Humans have a corner and it will probably be their last chance. Gareth RDR, fresh from his heroics in the semi final, strides forward. Can he do it again?

The corner is delivered, unbelievably it finds the big goalkeeper's head, his header loops towards goal... SAVED! Kangazares plucks the ball with a diving effort and clutches it to his furry kangaroo chest.

 

94 Minutes: It's over!! Kangazares barely has time to clear the ball and the full time whistle goes. The Kangaroos have done it! The crowd are on their feet and the roof is nearly blown off with the roar!!

 

RESULT - KANGAROOS 4 - 3 HUMANS

 

The Human team sink to their knees in despair. Stefan tries to comfort his players but it's all too much for them. The kangaroos are celebrating with their fans. Incredible scenes here.

 

Cheers turn into boos and jeers as President Stevo appears on the big screen, angrily storming out of the stadium from his corporate box, his face a picture of rage.

 

 

The chaos calms down, the Humans receive their runner up medals. The Kangaroos climb the steps and the crowd go wild as the inaugural SIFF World Cup is lifted by the deserving winners, the KANGAROOS!!!!

 

 

Thanks for tuning in. Follow Stan Colliepaw for all the post game reaction from an incredible and historic night on the African Savannah.

Edited August 24, 2014 by Stevo985

[villaajax]

[villaajax]

ITV's coverage of this is shocking.

[StefanAVFC]

ITV's coverage of this is shocking.

 

We missed the goal.

[Stevo985]

Well there you have it. I guess the answer was Kangaroos.

[villaajax]

 

Yeah!

[Rodders]

called it from the start. Never bet against the Aussies. 

[villaajax]

"Sock it to 'em SocceKangaroos"

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTZ8sQlBkfU

[ArteSuave]

Justice was done. Good job everyone. Take that you human weaklings.

[ArteSuave]

The other animals now know their place too.

[useless]

The whole tournament has been great but the Final was like when Man first landed on the Moon or something, really something else. Kangaroos have taken a giant leap tonight and should remember what they were doing on the night of  'August 24th 2014', for a long time to come.

 

R.I.P RIchard Attenborough.