What is your experience of mental health?

[Mandy Lifeboats]

I am a Civil Servant and a key worker. I am close to the edge now. 
 

We have no hand sanatiser, no antiseptic wipes and we’re all crammed together in one office. Colleagues who care for elderly or ill relatives are being bullied to come in against their will. Work has gone up 10 fold. Workforce has halved. 
 

I am not stupid enough to walk out. But I do feel the stress is making me ill. It’s a time of crisis and I want to help. But no-one seems to give a damn about supporting us as we support others. 
 

For the first time ever I have tears in my eyes because of work. 
 

It feels better just sharing that. 

[Jon]

55 minutes ago, Rodders said:

tough times mate, but you are doing the right thing in isolating- presumably you've been video calling as much as you can? 

This too indeed will pass. Have you got a routine you can focus on to distract you mentally?

Cheers dude. Not been video calling as she's at her mom's and we don't have particularly good relations. But hopefully I can get her back by the weekend, if I'm feeling any better.  

No routine really.  Trying to keep myself distracted with tv/ internet. I think the more I can keep myself distracted, the less I'll worry about this.  

[A'Villan]

5 hours ago, Jon said:

Seems like I've chosen the wrong time to come off my meds. 

Spent the last 5 weeks gradually coming off sertraline.  Been fully off them for over a week now.  Now self isolating whilst living alone with probable covid. Breathing issues, fatigue, chest pain etc. 

Not seen my daughter for over a week due to the covid.  Lonely, ill and slightly anxious. It's been a challenge, but hopefully, "this too shall pass". 

Thoughts are with you, Jon. I know it's tough, but so are you, so please remember that psychological stress leads to the weakening of our immune system.

Try not to rue your lack of contact with your daughter, but fill your heart and mind with her memory, and take care of yourself so that you play your role in emerging out of this, asap.

Alone, I am always in good company. I wish that for you in these trying times.

[mikeyp102]

On 24/03/2020 at 12:01, Davkaus said:

Same boat here. I lived alone for years, and to be honest at times I'd started to resent giving up so much of my time and space at home, and missed the old single days of basically just slobbing around at home playing games. 

Now it's out of my hands, I'm pretty **** miserable. I've been symptomatic for a couple of days, so literally not leaving the house for another 5 days, then another 2 weeks minimum, (realistically 5+ I guess) before I can actually see another person. Minimum 3 months before I'm likely to see my other half again. 

I know it's a crap time for almost everyone, not just me, but living alone through this is particularly rough. We'll cope, but it's going to be **** awful.

Yep I live alone. Been working home since Tuesday. It’s only Thursday eurgh. I’ve gone for walks, and rang a lot of people but it’s already starting to grate. I don’t even go out that much these days, but still just to talk and laugh with someone in person would be nice. I think the weekends are going to be harder with no routine, no work to break up the day. 
Yes, I get it, it’s far better to be in and healthy than running the risk of infection or infecting others, but it’s still boring 

[mikeyp102]

19 hours ago, A'Villan said:

After the knife attack on me and the stabbing of a family member a day later, my stress levels were heightened, add COVID-19 to the mix and I had my first issue with overwhelming thought processes and feelings as if the world was on my shoulders, as I tried to make sense of it all. I did the sensible and confided in professionals, as well as loved ones.

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.

Unfortunately I've been diagnosed with Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenia which essentially puts a rubber stamp on my forehead, and allows anyone who's interested in doing so to be dismissive of my aptitude to discern things as they are, as a consequence of having a chemical imbalance in my brain, and a tendency for delusional thinking. This frustrates me.

Under this pretense my whole being is undermined, that's undeniably true but not necessarily apparent. I don't resent it. I only want to explore it so that what is true may come to light. Breathing life into a voice that speaks with authority and unquestioned understanding on my existence to deem me 'mentally ill' only serves to pathologise, and whether you like to acknowledge it or not, whether you've thought about it to this extent or not, also serves to create a power imbalance.

I am fallible, as are you.

And so, I don't blame clinicians for misrepresenting the greater truth about the people they deal with. At age 30 I have lived well over 250,000 hours. I have spent a few dozen hours sharing my limited perspective and understanding on what has transpired in that time to people (clinicians). Likewise these clinicians have had only a few dozen hours to accumulate their own limited perspective and understanding of my own unique existence (and that's assuming they have the intellect to avoid pigeon-holing people in accordance with their academic jargon and knowledge).

I have taken some time off my work in mental health, only because I need to be sure I am of service. My oh my, I/we have a lot that can be done.

I believe heart and mind, we all deserve to be chess players and not simply chess pieces, because the intellectual struggle belongs to us all.

When I return to work, which will be in a week, I will remember that, like in chess, I can't undo the moves or mistakes, but I can look to make better choices, and alike, when I see a good move to be made, I look to make a better one, until time is up. I will also endeavour to remember, that whilst considered weak, a pawn never backs down, and only moves forward.

Ah man that’s sounds horrendous, hope you are family are ok after the knife attacks. 
 

As for the Schizophrenia, how did that all start? (If you don’t want to talk about it, I completely understand). 
You've always seemed very thoughtful and level headed in your posts so I hope you get better. 

[A'Villan]

6 hours ago, mikeyp102 said:

Ah man that’s sounds horrendous, hope you are family are ok after the knife attacks. 
 

As for the Schizophrenia, how did that all start? (If you don’t want to talk about it, I completely understand). 
You've always seemed very thoughtful and level headed in your posts so I hope you get better. 

Thanks Mikey, I appreciate the well wishes and kind words.

I came out of it unscathed but my family member not so, the paramedics thought they were going to lose him. The attack on me was by someone who thought he'd receive something just for pulling the knife and didn't know what to do when challenged, lucky for me. The attack during the botched home invasion was most definitely done by a seasoned criminal who had stabbed people before. Callous and apathetic toward life and a honed ability to inflict harm, we are very lucky we didn't have a death in the family that night.

In regards to my diagnosis, I was just discussing with my sister yesterday that our family has experienced a lot of drama and hardship over the years, she thinks it's abnormal the amount of challenges we've had and that as a consequence we're a bit abnormal too, to that I thought 'good' because our story has been largely one of triumph in the face of turmoil and at times tragedy, yet we still hold our heads, we all have backed and supported each other, always, even if through gritted teeth at times, and I can say with confidence that my direct family have always treated others with respect and dignity, regardless of whether or not those on the receiving end treated themselves that way. For that I am grateful.

I guess everyone has their story to tell, whether it's a rich kid lost in a bubble, to the homeless man contemplating a crime so he can go to jail and have a higher quality of sanctuary, and place to lay his head. Everyone brings something to the table, and when you realise that you don't have to think and do in accordance with what is popular by demand, or what an authority demands of you, just in order for compliance and fitting in, you are then freeing yourself from shackles that are pulling you off the path where you learn to think and feel for yourself, where you are faced with your own heart and mind and everything that comes with that. "Not everything faced can be changed, but nothing is changed until it is faced". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, because if it were any different no one would experience anything beautiful anymore, as if they could not behold beauty with their own eyes, how else?

Honestly Mikey, just through your kind gesture and thoughts, I would share with you my journey, but it's a long one, and I'm still in the process of wrapping my head around parts of it. One thing I am learning on this journey is that it's okay not to know sometimes, that's no weakness, it is when we assume knowledge beyond that which we have true understanding, that's when we are missing the mark. It's unfortunate when we see the intelligent doubtful, and the stupid full of confidence, I see it all the time. Hell, I grew up in the 90's where in some circles if a male wore his pants halfway down his arse he was supposed to command street credibility and 'gangster' status. What kind of organised criminal commands respect when he can't even arrange his pants to be in place at the start of the day? But you are asking about my diagnosis and not my prejudice against 'low rider' fashion trends that perplex me.

I think the honest answer is there a many factors. There was an attempted kidnapping on me in my childhood years, that certainly came back to haunt me unexpectedly in later years. I abused drugs from age 13 to 21. I had a psychiatrist ask my mother if he could study me when i was two years old, as she had taken up his counsel during what she describes as tough times, I forget the reasoning behind his interest in me but it was something along the lines of the way I internalised and processed emotions, perhaps for my age, I really don't know, all I know is that my Mother tells it as it is, she always has, she is the reason we got through, and it's her willingness to fight for us, if and when she needs to, that meant that we didn't succumb to adversity, that we do our best not to. They say Mother knows best, and as long as that is not corrupted or drained out of her, well, we have named the forces of the world after her, Mother Nature.

What I might do, as I have a propensity to crap on about anything and everything that's on my mind, is take a break from keyboard warrior status and make a concise summary in bullet-point form of the leading contributing factors to me being diagnosed as I have (still guaranteed to exceed 10,000 words) and I will send it to you in a PM, that way I don't hog the microphone, and if you have any questions I can answer you without having to worry about clogging up the thread. That would actually help me, as mentioned earlier I am scheduled to give a talk to aspiring clinicians on the 31st this month, and a summary of events would be handy for that talk. I will add in some of the farfetched that has not been so easily explained just to give you some insight as to why any person who hasn't directly experienced what I did, might have difficulty conceiving how that would come to be. Hell, it's been one of the most humbling aspects of my life, not understanding why this is my experience and expecting an explanation like I am entitled to one, because when you stop and think about it, none of us are all knowing, not a single one of us. And we often take that for granted, take it as a given, that the truth and insight we have into this experience we call life, is as a result of all our efforts, our ancestors and their ancestors efforts. Sometimes it astonishes me how divorced we are from each other, when we are all united by the hard hitting truth that none of us really know exactly what is happening, and that we all are in the same boat, of defining our existence as it unfolds and giving meaning to that, which then breaths life into truth, as we know it.

[kurtsimonw]

This isolating thing is really shit.

My brother has been staying with his girlfriend, so I'm pretty much completely alone and it's awful. I'm thankful I have a temp job, but it's only 20-25 hours a week so that's still a lot of free time. I've been working out, but it's hard with just resistance bands as I can't really get a lot of stuff done that I'd like to.

Being single is shit 100% of the time. But it's really extra shit now. I think it's sunk in as well that when my brother does move in with his girlfriend, this is how it's going to be all of the time. Despite missing so much time at work, about 10 weeks, I'm financially secure with decent savings. But what for? Going on holiday alone? Buying myself material things? Eh.

I don't want to exist. I want to live.

[Jon]

1 hour ago, kurtsimonw said:

This isolating thing is really shit.

My brother has been staying with his girlfriend, so I'm pretty much completely alone and it's awful. I'm thankful I have a temp job, but it's only 20-25 hours a week so that's still a lot of free time. I've been working out, but it's hard with just resistance bands as I can't really get a lot of stuff done that I'd like to.

Being single is shit 100% of the time. But it's really extra shit now. I think it's sunk in as well that when my brother does move in with his girlfriend, this is how it's going to be all of the time. Despite missing so much time at work, about 10 weeks, I'm financially secure with decent savings. But what for? Going on holiday alone? Buying myself material things? Eh.

I don't want to exist. I want to live.

Yeah, it's crap. It's hit home how much I miss the pub. Not the booze so much as the pub, the human contact and interaction.  

[A'Villan]

On 02/04/2020 at 05:49, Jon said:

Yeah, it's crap. It's hit home how much I miss the pub. Not the booze so much as the pub, the human contact and interaction.  

Bit of ale for what ails. Not my style, I don't really drink, but I know what you mean. I get that from basketball.

On 02/04/2020 at 04:47, kurtsimonw said:

This isolating thing is really shit.

My brother has been staying with his girlfriend, so I'm pretty much completely alone and it's awful. I'm thankful I have a temp job, but it's only 20-25 hours a week so that's still a lot of free time. I've been working out, but it's hard with just resistance bands as I can't really get a lot of stuff done that I'd like to.

Being single is shit 100% of the time. But it's really extra shit now. I think it's sunk in as well that when my brother does move in with his girlfriend, this is how it's going to be all of the time. Despite missing so much time at work, about 10 weeks, I'm financially secure with decent savings. But what for? Going on holiday alone? Buying myself material things? Eh.

I don't want to exist. I want to live.

That's the spirit, Kurt. Where focus goes, energy flows. 

"The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin"

 

[A'Villan]

My position at the psychiatric ward has been put on hold indefinitely. There is scope for me to work remotely, however the onus is on me to devise a system for that to work, whatever I come up with will need to be reviewed and approved by the hospital. I think I've come up with a pretty reasonable and practical way forward, however I fear that I will get the thumbs down.

I put the ideas forward on Monday. 

[wilko154]

On 01/04/2020 at 18:47, kurtsimonw said:

This isolating thing is really shit.

My brother has been staying with his girlfriend, so I'm pretty much completely alone and it's awful. I'm thankful I have a temp job, but it's only 20-25 hours a week so that's still a lot of free time. I've been working out, but it's hard with just resistance bands as I can't really get a lot of stuff done that I'd like to.

Being single is shit 100% of the time. But it's really extra shit now. I think it's sunk in as well that when my brother does move in with his girlfriend, this is how it's going to be all of the time. Despite missing so much time at work, about 10 weeks, I'm financially secure with decent savings. But what for? Going on holiday alone? Buying myself material things? Eh.

I don't want to exist. I want to live.

Same boat for a lot of people mate, I'm going slightly mad myself being in the house so much. Returning to work next week for 15-20 hours a week should help though as I'll see a few more people.

I know what you mean about not being able to work out, I don't even have resistance bands and they seem to be sold out everywhere.

Football Manager is currently my saviour but I don't know how long for.

[A'Villan]

With solitary confinement about to take place for the foreseeable future, I would like to think now is not the time to rue misfortune, rather to exercise creativity and innovation.

So, some questions (just five) for the forum. I do not expect replies from anyone, but being a forum, feel free to share. Please be kind and considerate, to yourself first and foremost.

I want to emphasize that having no answer to these questions does not make you any lesser than the rest of us, nor does it mean starting a dialogue is not for you.

Remember the above quote, "The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin"

• What adds meaning to my life?
• What puts me into a state of flow?
• What gives me gratification (not necessarily instant)?
• What causes stress and anxiety for me?
• What relieves stress and anxiety for me?

[hogso]

On 26/03/2020 at 09:03, Mandy Lifeboats said:

I am a Civil Servant and a key worker. I am close to the edge now. 
 

We have no hand sanatiser, no antiseptic wipes and we’re all crammed together in one office. Colleagues who care for elderly or ill relatives are being bullied to come in against their will. Work has gone up 10 fold. Workforce has halved. 
 

I am not stupid enough to walk out. But I do feel the stress is making me ill. It’s a time of crisis and I want to help. But no-one seems to give a damn about supporting us as we support others. 
 

For the first time ever I have tears in my eyes because of work. 
 

It feels better just sharing that. 

DWP? Sounds like my office! 

[Xela]

How's everyone coping with the lockdown? 

I'm fine so far, work is really busy so that fills the days up. Easter will be a bit odd though - 4 days of solitary confinement with no work. Not sure how i'm going to pass the days. 

[mikeyp102]

3 hours ago, Xela said:

How's everyone coping with the lockdown? 

I'm fine so far, work is really busy so that fills the days up. Easter will be a bit odd though - 4 days of solitary confinement with no work. Not sure how i'm going to pass the days. 

A bucket of lube and a Huge stash of porn.

—————————————

In all seriousness I know what you mean. I’m rattling round the house on my own. Weekends already seem to drag when you can’t go out, so a four day weekend will be worse 

[Xela]

17 hours ago, mikeyp102 said:

A bucket of lube and a Huge stash of porn.

Well, that's Friday sorted...

[Rugeley Villa]

Anxiety has heightened a bit but I take medication for it, so keeps it under control. A lot of people with issues are going to find it hard. I bet most of us know someone who suffers with some kind of mental illness. Usually I can shut off at night, but the last week or so I can’t shut off, which is annoying. Reading the last few pages has been a bit of an eye opener. Hope the posters having troubles can pull through. 

[mjmooney]

58 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Anxiety has heightened a bit but I take medication for it, so keeps it under control. A lot of people with issues are going to find it hard. I bet most of us know someone who suffers with some kind of mental illness. Usually I can shut off at night, but the last week or so I can’t shut off, which is annoying. Reading the last few pages has been a bit of an eye opener. Hope the posters having troubles can pull through. 

I think you were wise to chuck out the booze. 

[Rugeley Villa]

Just now, mjmooney said:

I think you were wise to chuck out the booze. 

Definitely. Would have paid the price today . Went to bed last night thinking thank god I didn’t carry on. 

[Xela]

I think this weekend will be tough. Hot weather and being in lockdown. 

I know i've said it before but I really need to move and get somewhere with a garden. Think it would be good for my mental health as well.