What is your experience of mental health?

[Chindie]

If I arranged a BBQ at the moment, let's say this weekend is meant to be a scorcher, and didn't invite family, nobody would turn up.

My 30th birthday had about 5 people excluding family wish me happy birthday - I got 4 cards total. I saw my siblings for about an hour combined.

Loneliness sucks but all I can suggest is find something to fill the void. Even if it's a solitary pursuit. I make models, I've tried on and off to learn other creative skills. If you fancy taking up a less solitary pursuit, great. Even if it's something as random as board game clubs. There's tonnes of people who meet up at bars or the like and play random games or do tabletop RPG stuff, they even advertise for people sometimes.

[Xela]

9 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

Beyond fed up. Never felt this low. 

Went to get the train today. Cancelled. Just thought **** it and went home. Really can't be arsed with anything at this point. I feel like such a pointless being and sometimes wish I'd just have the courage to end it. 

I had a BBQ at the start of the month. Massive mistake. Of 25 people invited, 6 showed up. 3 of those for about an hour. People said it happens, it's hard to get people together. 2 weeks later my brother has 20 people over for a BBQ. I had 5 people wish me a happy birthday. 

It's amazing how you can be 32 years old and have so few people give a shit about your existence. 

Never felt so alone. Everyone around me is in relationships, spending weekends with friends, getting married, having kids. I have a house, great, for what? Just an empty space to live in. Not going to work means I'll eventually lose it anyway. 

Doctors aren't of any use. Medication and therapy doesn't work. 

Sorry to hear you are still feeling this low. 

I know its no comfort but a lot of men are in exactly the same boat

Apologies for the DM link but its the only paper running this article that you don't need to subscribe to

Quote

Almost one in five men have admitted that they have no close friends as the UK becomes increasingly crippled by a loneliness epidemic. 

Around 18 per cent of men said they did not consider themselves to have close friends with 32 per cent stating that they did not even have a best friend, according to the survey by YouGov. 

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7488709/One-five-men-no-friends-loneliness-epidemic-leaves-thousands-living-isolation.html

I never thought i'd say it but i'm similar to Ruge! I like my own company and I wouldn't even have 25 people to ask for a BBQ let alone get 6 people over! I barely had 5 people wish me happy birthday on my 40th! A colleague at work had about 80 people turn up for his 40th and they hired a bar in the jewellery quarter. We're not all the same!

I class myself as having 4 good proper friends and 3 of those I barely see as they either live in London, or have families/kids. We meet up every now and again its like we've never been apart. 

I feel lonely at times but other times I welcome the solitude. I certainly think I need to put myself out there more to meet like minded people

As @Dr_Pangloss says, do you have any hobbies or interests that you would like to develop further? 

[mjmooney]

I read this, and the drugs/addictions threads, and I realise how lucky I am. And it is down to luck. 

[Rugeley Villa]

Cheers @Xela  

[choffer]

This is one of the threads for me where there is an inversely proportional relationship between how much I read it and how frequently I post in it. 

I applaud those who are brave enough to be so open about their health*, their struggles and life in general.

It seems to be a conversation I'm having so often with family, colleagues and friends recently. Guys just don't as a rule have lots of friends and loneliness is a real thing for many. It's why things like CALM exist.

I can relate much more than I'd like with posts from Kurt and Chindie and the like in here. There's not a lot anyone can say that helps when you're low but there is often therapy in just expressing your feelings/frustrations/disappointments - even if it is just with a bunch of nobheds on a football forum. It's great that it feels much more acceptable for guys to emote publicly these days without fear or judgement and it's similarly heartening to see so many supportive responses here.

I'm, not sure I really have a point here - maybe I'm just trying to engage in a subject that I find tough to talk about or maybe I'm just showing solidarity with fellow posters. You are all magnificent clearings in the woods, even if you're not always able to recognise it.

 

 

* I deliberately try not to use the phrase "mental health" as it's all just, well, health really, innit.

[Xela]

11 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Cheers @Xela  

Two peas in a pod mate! 

[mjmooney]

7 hours ago, choffer said:

I deliberately try not to use the phrase "mental health" as it's all just, well, health really, innit.

Quite so. Almost no-one gets through life without experiencing some form of illness. If we're incredibly lucky it's no more than colds and coughs, if we're not, it's cancer or worse. Mental health is no different - we all get bad periods - of anxiety, anger, sadness, neurosis - and an unfortunate few get worse, with severe depression, schizophrenia or psychosis. But, despite an outdated clinging to cartesian dualism (the belief that the 'soul' - read 'mind' - is totally separate from the body), there is no reason to differentiate. We all get ill. 

[Rugeley Villa]

For the last 5 days or so I’ve had a bad flair up of my IBS. It’s playing havoc with my mental health. Not passing solids, it’s just basically watery stools. Stomach pains, appetite ain’t great, but when I do eat it goes straight through me. Constantly on the toilet. My mood is really low because of it, and my stress and anxiety have increased. I can definitely see how IBS and mental health are linked. I have noticed over the last 12 months or so it is getting worse. If I have a takeaway nowadays you can guarantee i’ll be paying the price for it, especially if I have an Indian. I rarely have them now because it’s just not worth the discomfort after. 

[villa89]

Well I might as well put this here as I feel suicidal (*again). It looks like I've lost a lot of money with carstore that I won't be able to get back. Buying a new car was supposed to cheer me up after having a miserable year so far. Instead it's gone tits up and it's close to pushing me over the edge. Too many tears, too many sleepless night, no happiness, no joy only bloody misery day after day. I have realised that I don't actually live life, I just exist. The problem is that my existence has really become a hardship with worries about money, job, accommodation so I have to ask myself how much longer I can continue. Hopefully I can find the balls to end it all like my uncle did a few weeks ago. Sick of it.

[HanoiVillan]

55 minutes ago, villa89 said:

Well I might as well put this here as I feel suicidal (*again). It looks like I've lost a lot of money with carstore that I won't be able to get back. Buying a new car was supposed to cheer me up after having a miserable year so far. Instead it's gone tits up and it's close to pushing me over the edge. Too many tears, too many sleepless night, no happiness, no joy only bloody misery day after day. I have realised that I don't actually live life, I just exist. The problem is that my existence has really become a hardship with worries about money, job, accommodation so I have to ask myself how much longer I can continue. Hopefully I can find the balls to end it all like my uncle did a few weeks ago. Sick of it.

Money can be the hardest thing in the world, but things can usually be delayed at least. If you're feeling suicidal or like you want to hurt yourself, you should give someone a call. If you don't want to talk to the Samaritans or a crisis line, call someone you know whose judgement you respect, and talk it over. 

Good luck, and know that you are valued on here. 

[Paddywhack]

58 minutes ago, villa89 said:

Well I might as well put this here as I feel suicidal (*again). It looks like I've lost a lot of money with carstore that I won't be able to get back. Buying a new car was supposed to cheer me up after having a miserable year so far. Instead it's gone tits up and it's close to pushing me over the edge. Too many tears, too many sleepless night, no happiness, no joy only bloody misery day after day. I have realised that I don't actually live life, I just exist. The problem is that my existence has really become a hardship with worries about money, job, accommodation so I have to ask myself how much longer I can continue. Hopefully I can find the balls to end it all like my uncle did a few weeks ago. Sick of it.

I'm sorry to read about your uncle. I'm afraid I don't really have any advice, but your last two lines hit me. Please don't give up.

[choffer]

10 minutes ago, Paddywhack said:

I'm sorry to read about your uncle. I'm afraid I don't really have any advice, but your last two lines hit me. Please don't give up.

A friend of mine gave up last night. It’s a decision he is not in a position to change his mind on. 

However bleak it may seem, however hopeless, ending your life is not a reversible decision. There is help, even in what seems an impenetrably hopeless situation.

[bannedfromHandV]

@kurtsimonw @villa89

Guys, I’m not going to profess to having been a great ally of either of yours at any point until now but no one wants to see/hear the point you guys are reaching.

Without trivialising the situations I honestly think you’d likely be surprised at the amount of people who share many of the same frustrations and low points - of course the difference being that everyone has different coping mechanisms and different life circumstances that may help them get through it more easily than others.

I’ve had my own troubles, in 2015 my wife left me for another guy, my grandfather passed away, I spent the summer in a cast after rupturing my Achilles and then my stepfather was diagnosed with what would be terminal cancer, in early 2016 i was fired from my job and went on to spend 6 months unemployed - but things did get better.

If you feel like you have no one to turn to please do not think you are alone - I’m sure any number of members here would volunteer their time to help, including me - I know I’ve built a rep on here and there’s probably a whole bunch of people who think I’m a bit of a dick (or maybe a lot of a dick) but I’m actually a fairly normal and decent bloke - speaking with a ‘stranger’ might be cathartic in some way, if you want my phone number DM me and I will happily send it and have a chat. 

[lapal_fan]

The problem with being a dude in the 21st century.

We don't have to survive and provide much anymore, and people dying isn't socially accepted if they die before 70.  We can't call it collateral to the greater good. 

The world is becoming much more feminine, which is absolutely fine, but taking away that fight/survival instinct out of men can lead to some pretty sorry places.  Now we're expected to talk about things, and accept other view points and beliefs.  We just wanna smash a rock into someones head, problem solved. 

It's sometimes difficult to see the point when everything is on a plate, 5 minutes away.  The only survival we have to worry about is employment, and that's often not in our hands, but in the hands of accountants looking at numbers on a spreadsheet, hoping to drive efficiency in the hope of a bonus or promotion.  

So without the distraction of survival, we look into things more closely and feel the effects of sadness even more.  It's a deafening echo chamber. 

@villa89 - is the car your only problem?  Or is it other things too?  

Distract yourself and get back out to nature - you'll feel the benefit.

/ @A'Villan post  

[Ingram85]

Hope you guys are ok.

I have 2 or 3 good mates but 2 are from work and 1 I've only recently got back in touch with and we catch up monthly and while it wont be the same as when we were teens it's a start.

Loneliness really gets me sometimes. I cant win. I love my other half and her kid but sometimes I just want to disappear for a few days down to the coast which she understands completely. Most of the time I crave and love solitude then occasionally I crave company but if everyone else is busy then its that forced isolation that hits hard, makes me feel trapped. Doesnt help growing up with all of us so busy and with relationships/kids/other commitments. We put our social lives last when it should be top of the list really. 

Theres a large group (probably more than I think tbh) of posters here all in a similar situation. If anyone wants to arrange a regular VT social group meet up thread or something I'll be in for that. Ive always wanted to meet a few other posters and even if it's people who have differing opinions on here, in real life we are probably just your average guys who would get on. I'm not the miserable scrote that I come across on here and besides, I dont share the same opinions as my actual mates always.

A few drinks in a central location or something once or twice a month. We dont need to be the best of friends but we do all have hobbies and interests that are similar and it may be awkward and stilted at first but then when isnt it when people meet for the first few times.

I know I'd benefit from it but if it's a shit idea then ignore it. Just an idea.

Edited October 1, 2019 by Ingram85

[Xela]

6 hours ago, villa89 said:

Well I might as well put this here as I feel suicidal (*again). It looks like I've lost a lot of money with carstore that I won't be able to get back. Buying a new car was supposed to cheer me up after having a miserable year so far. Instead it's gone tits up and it's close to pushing me over the edge. Too many tears, too many sleepless night, no happiness, no joy only bloody misery day after day. I have realised that I don't actually live life, I just exist. The problem is that my existence has really become a hardship with worries about money, job, accommodation so I have to ask myself how much longer I can continue. Hopefully I can find the balls to end it all like my uncle did a few weeks ago. Sick of it.

Really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. What's the problem with carstore? Maybe we can help you with that for a start?

 

[Ingram85]

@kurtsimonw @villa89 How are you guys both getting on? I hope things have got a little bit better. Dont be afraid to chat more in this thread and let me know if you are both interested in a VT Support meet up for food/drink. That goes for anyone else as well. I'm happy to organise but need a rough estimate of numbers.

[tonyh29]

On 01/10/2019 at 12:31, bannedfromHandV said:

I know I’ve built a rep on here and there’s probably a whole bunch of people who think I’m a bit of a dick (or maybe a lot of a dick) but I’m actually a fairly normal and decent bloke - speaking with a ‘stranger’ might be cathartic in some way, if you want my phone number DM me and I will happily send it and have a chat. 

I could have written those very same words myself  , I fear I may have somewhat misjudged you based on our interactions

 

[Ingram85]

4 hours ago, tonyh29 said:

I could have written those very same words myself  , I fear I may have somewhat misjudged you based on our interactions

 

We are all the same really. We have differences about emotive subjects that sometimes bring out a different side in people. Real world stuff and just talking to each other in a normal casual setting I think most people would just get along. Message boards are not real life. Except @lapal_fan, I bet he's a proper annoying cockwomble in real life too. 

Edited October 3, 2019 by Ingram85
For Lapal the big ghey.

[lapal_fan]

3 hours ago, Ingram85 said:

We are all the same really. We have differences about emotive subjects that sometimes bring out a different side in people. Real world stuff and just talking to each other in a normal casual setting I think most people would just get along. Message boards are not real life. Except lapalfan, I bet he's a proper annoying cockwomble in real life too. 

YOU DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE NERVE TO TAG ME IN, YOU BIG LONELY CHICKEN!

BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!

<--. THAT'S YOU!