What is your experience of mental health?

[MakemineVanilla]

42 minutes ago, Straggler said:

Too be fair reading my post back it does read a little like a product endorsement.  First for the Guardian website and then for Mindfulness. I guess I shouldn't be too pissed off if it is interpreted that way.  It is just that I genuinely have not spoken in this much detail about what has happened to me to anyone ever.  It was quite therapeutic just writing the post and I felt really good getting it all out there in one place.  As I said at the end it felt like this thread was a safe place to talk and MV's comment rather burst my bubble.  I guess I have seen enough times that on the internet that intent and interpretation can be wildly different and not to get too caught up in it all.  Thanks for your comment.

My sincere apologies.

It seemed extremely detached for a description of what amounted the emotional abuse of your son and yourself.

I am aware that mindfulness is at the centre of Buddhist philosophy but I am also aware that it is also being heavily marketed these days.

The link to Oxford University seemed like it was meant as an endorsement.

The outcome is far better than can usually be expected but I would worry about the boy.

Sorry, I guess I got triggered. 

 

[Straggler]

6 minutes ago, MakemineVanilla said:

My sincere apologies.

It seemed extremely detached for a description of what amounted the emotional abuse of your son and yourself.

I am aware that mindfulness is at the centre of Buddhist philosophy but I am also aware that it is also being heavily marketed these days.

The link to Oxford University seemed like it was meant as an endorsement.

The outcome is far better than can usually be expected but I would worry about the boy.

Sorry, I guess I got triggered. 

 

Apology accepted. 

To a certain extent I was trying to write as objectively as possible to let people understand the facts and to help me order my own thoughts a bit. I also think a part of how I coped with being called less than worthless without breaking apart was to remove all my emotion from the situation.  Without going too deep, if I argued with her she would escalate so I found the fastest way to diffuse her was to give her nothing to work with then walk away at the first possible opportunity.  Essentially I would have to stand there saying nothing whilst she yelled anything she could think of at me.  I'm not saying this is in any way healthy or a good example, but please be aware that I was dealing with this very much in isolation. Whilst stood there to try and stop the words from cutting too deep I would study them and internally prove to myself that she was objectively wrong.  An internal calm and dispassionate dissection of a horrible storm happening on the outside.  I suppose you could describe it as going to my happy place.  The dispassionate voice you are hearing on the page I think is in part a reflection of that internal monologue.

I will always worry about the boy, I'm not sure his relationship with his Mum will ever be the same again, but I think I saved him from the worst of it and he is a happy little trooper these days. 

That is probably a longer answer that I needed to give but I guess it is in the right thread.  Anyway, no hard feelings held here, I have forgiven much worse.

[MakemineVanilla]

9 minutes ago, Straggler said:

Apology accepted. 

To a certain extent I was trying to write as objectively as possible to let people understand the facts and to help me order my own thoughts a bit. I also think a part of how I coped with being called less than worthless without breaking apart was to remove all my emotion from the situation.  Without going too deep, if I argued with her she would escalate so I found the fastest way to diffuse her was to give her nothing to work with then walk away at the first possible opportunity.  Essentially I would have to stand there saying nothing whilst she yelled anything she could think of at me.  I'm not saying this is in any way healthy or a good example, but please be aware that I was dealing with this very much in isolation. Whilst stood there to try and stop the words from cutting too deep I would study them and internally prove to myself that she was objectively wrong.  An internal calm and dispassionate dissection of a horrible storm happening on the outside.  I suppose you could describe it as going to my happy place.  The dispassionate voice you are hearing on the page I think is in part a reflection of that internal monologue.

I will always worry about the boy, I'm not sure his relationship with his Mum will ever be the same again, but I think I saved him from the worst of it and he is a happy little trooper these days. 

That is probably a longer answer that I needed to give but I guess it is in the right thread.  Anyway, no hard feelings held here, I have forgiven much worse.

You do sound remarkably dispassionate and detached and I can see why I misread you.

Are you an engineer by any chance?

 

[Straggler]

4 minutes ago, MakemineVanilla said:

You do sound remarkably dispassionate and detached and I can see why I misread you.

Are you an engineer by any chance?

 

Not an engineer, but it is fair to say that I am in technical sales and very much a professional geek. 

[BOF]

That long post was a powerful read @Straggler.  Thanks for sharing it.  Sounds like an absolute living nightmare and huge credit to you for not walking away and for instead sticking by her and trying to fix it all.  I imagine you'd be in the minority of people who would have the patience and understanding to do that, often at the expense of your own well-being.  Best of luck with whatever solution continues to work best for you & your family

[Straggler]

4 minutes ago, BOF said:

That long post was a powerful read @Straggler.  Thanks for sharing it.  Sounds like an absolute living nightmare and huge credit to you for not walking away and for instead sticking by her and trying to fix it all.  I imagine you'd be in the minority of people who would have the patience and understanding to do that, often at the expense of your own well-being.  Best of luck with whatever solution continues to work best for you & your family

Thanks BOF. I guess I have strayed from the point I was trying to make a little bit.  One of the core problems we had as a couple wasn't that she was a complete bitch or anything like that.  It was that we were completely and utterly ignorant about mental health and depression.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have been able to spot the signs and we could have been spared all those years of heart ache by seeking treatment earlier.  If she had a growth on her skin or pain in her left arm we would have known what to do.  I read all the stories on here, people asking if they should seek help, if they should visit a Dr.  My wife was sick and her disease which, without treatment, nearly cost us everything we hold dear.  So yes if you are worried treat your mental health like you would a new lump or a broken bone.  Go get it checked out

Obviously not all directed at you BOF, thanks again for your kind words.

[Xela]

Fascinating story @Straggler thanks for sharing

I doff my cap to you for how you coped. I wouldn't have. I'd have been out of there early doors. The minute she wanted to control my wage or have access to my email and social media accounts. I wouldn't have anything to hide but its just the principle of it all. But then again, I guess I've never been that in love with someone 

[MakemineVanilla]

20 minutes ago, Xela said:

Fascinating story @Straggler thanks for sharing

I doff my cap to you for how you coped. I wouldn't have. I'd have been out of there early doors. The minute she wanted to control my wage or have access to my email and social media accounts. I wouldn't have anything to hide but its just the principle of it all. But then again, I guess I've never been that in love with someone 

As the law stands such behaviour would be classed as domestic abuse.

[Ikantcpell]

I have also suffered from anxiety in the past, and it was all because of a girl ofcourse.

Both her and her mother were totally braindead, but you cant help who you fall in love with i guess.

She broke up with me cause she got a model contract in florida, and then after like 6 months, when i finally got over her, she phoned and wanted me back, haha

I told her to F**k off back to Yank land.

Edited August 24, 2016 by Ikantcpell

[maqroll]

15 hours ago, AVFCDAN said:

I wonder what peoples opinions are of American medicinal culture vs our own?

I'm still astounded at just how frequently and casually Americans seem willing to medicate themselves. Obviously I don't personally know any Americans but I do listen to quite a few podcasts involving them and they all seem to be on medication of some kind, having also seen Louis Theroux's documentary and from what I have casually observed in the media and TV it really is common place. Is this just because they are ahead of he curve in terms of being open and doing something about it or has it almost become in vogue to have issues and to be actively treating them?

I can't help but think that 50 years ago half the population of America and the UK weren't all walking round anxious and depressed because they didn't have their meds to sort it out. Is it just a symptom of modern society or something more than that?

Really fascinating topic I think.

i called a psychiatrists office when i first realized i needed help. he listened to my story and wrote me a script for clonazepam, just like that. i didn't get any guidance, or anything other than the meds.

i get the feeling that in america we've reached critical mass in terms of medication being considered the silver bullet. it can help, and augment, but cognitive therapy in combination is the way to go, i think. problem is in the states is that millions of suffering people can't get the help they need for lack of cash. sorry state of affairs.

[Jon]

19 hours ago, Straggler said:

Thanks BOF. I guess I have strayed from the point I was trying to make a little bit.  One of the core problems we had as a couple wasn't that she was a complete bitch or anything like that.  It was that we were completely and utterly ignorant about mental health and depression.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have been able to spot the signs and we could have been spared all those years of heart ache by seeking treatment earlier.  If she had a growth on her skin or pain in her left arm we would have known what to do.  I read all the stories on here, people asking if they should seek help, if they should visit a Dr.  My wife was sick and her disease which, without treatment, nearly cost us everything we hold dear.  So yes if you are worried treat your mental health like you would a new lump or a broken bone.  Go get it checked out

Obviously not all directed at you BOF, thanks again for your kind words.

Was an informative read Straggles, so thanks for taking the time. I have been on citalopram for well over a year now, and it has helped to a fair degree, although I do get these darker/angrier periods (though to a much less severity it seems) that your wife has been through. I also didn't know I had a problem, but I have a wife who has had some mental problems, eating disorders etc and was able to help and tell me to go to the doctor. Hence the citalopram. Having read your post though, I am now going to look into this 'hippy bullshit' as it looks like something that may be of great benefit to me too

[darrenm]

I went through all of the anxiety and panic attacks during my early thirties stemmed from picking up on harmless palpitations as something wrong with my heart. Ended up in A&E a few times and got a couple of 24 hour ECGs. They couldn't find anything besides a few 'ectopic beats'.

Exercise helped massively and gave me something to focus on instead. It still tries to come back every now and again but it never takes hold.

[snowychap]

3 hours ago, darrenm said:

'ectopic beats'

That's a backing group, isn't it?

[Rugeley Villa]

3 hours ago, darrenm said:

I went through all of the anxiety and panic attacks during my early thirties stemmed from picking up on harmless palpitations as something wrong with my heart. Ended up in A&E a few times and got a couple of 24 hour ECGs. They couldn't find anything besides a few 'ectopic beats'.

Exercise helped massively and gave me something to focus on instead. It still tries to come back every now and again but it never takes hold.

Same happened to me about two months ago, chest pain,sharp pains around the heart,painful hand and wrist. Thought I was on the verge of heart attack and that made me have bad anxiety, I suffer from anxiety at times anyway but this weren't pleasant. Nowt wrong just day to day pains from job and the stresses of life.  

[Rugeley Villa]

My mum has just started back to work after nearly two months off with stress,anxiety etc. She has come off Prozac now and is on this new drug.

[Ikantcpell]

Mental health problems has exploded in the last 10 years, i have a friend who works at a psychiatric hospital and he says they are overloaded with patients.

In Stockholm, prozac is being taken in such large quantities that it can be found in the drinking water.

The good thing is that the taboo about it has been broken, atleast the younger people are more open about thier problems than the older ones.

 

[trekka]

I attended a mental health first aid course as part of my previous job.  I'm not a mental health worker and I found it incredibly moving.  I was there more of an observer to see if there is anything I could take back to the "day job" but it is an experience I will never forget.  People with mental health problems deserve our respect for the problems they are currently facing and need the right level of support. 

Mental Health First Aid England

 

[trekka]

5 hours ago, darrenm said:

I went through all of the anxiety and panic attacks during my early thirties stemmed from picking up on harmless palpitations as something wrong with my heart. Ended up in A&E a few times and got a couple of 24 hour ECGs. They couldn't find anything besides a few 'ectopic beats'.

Exercise helped massively and gave me something to focus on instead. It still tries to come back every now and again but it never takes hold.

From what I've learned from the course I mentioned, anxiety can manifest itself into physical problems in a big way (like all of the symptoms that you're having a heart attack).  A guy who attended (who now looks after retired armed forces folk) said he was taken to A&E countless of times.  He now spots the signs and changes things to make him think of something else (like exercise).  

[NurembergVillan]

8 hours ago, Jon said:

I am now going to look into this 'hippy bullshit' as it looks like something that may be of great benefit to me too

If you, or anybody else, wants to dip their toe in it there's a great app called Headspace which offers guided meditation.  It's really accessible and doesn't feel hippified at all.

They've got an offer on right now of 3 months for 99p.  It's usually £7.95 per month.  I've done a 10 day trial before and found it to be really useful.  Can't justify why I didn't sign up properly to be honest.

In terms of the efficacy of yoga and meditation, I'd have to tread carefully in what I say because I'm bound by confidentiality agreements but suffice to say I've seen robust scientific proof that mindfulness practice has a huge positive effect on anxiety, depression, and our ability to resist the onset of it.

PS - I'm on my second spell of Fluoxetine (last one was 8 years ago for a few months) and will be signing up for the Headspace offer this time.

UPDATE - In the two minutes since my original post I've now signed up. You cancel at any time with the monthly subscription, so if you're not happy as you go through the 3 months for 99p you can pie it off.  Be great for a few others on here to try it so we can compare notes.

[Straggler]

8 hours ago, Jon said:

Was an informative read Straggles, so thanks for taking the time. I have been on citalopram for well over a year now, and it has helped to a fair degree, although I do get these darker/angrier periods (though to a much less severity it seems) that your wife has been through. I also didn't know I had a problem, but I have a wife who has had some mental problems, eating disorders etc and was able to help and tell me to go to the doctor. Hence the citalopram. Having read your post though, I am now going to look into this 'hippy bullshit' as it looks like something that may be of great benefit to me too

Good luck Jon, I hope it works out for you.  If you do decide to go along I would be interested to know how you get on with it.  My wife wants to go back again and it would be nice to get another perspective on how effective it is.