AstonMartyn88

What is your experience of mental health?

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It's weird how just talking a bit about it makes me feel better. Just hope this therapist is easy going. 

Edited by KenjiOgiwara
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11 hours ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?

Sorry to hear you’re going through a hard time at the moment. There are much smarter people on here able to give advice on this subject, but I know for a fact you’re not an awful person, please don’t think that. You wouldn’t be on here asking for advice if that were true. 

Also, I don’t think accepting the fact you may need help is anything at all to be ashamed of either, in fact I applaud you for making that first step, a lot of people don’t.

The best of luck to you mate, I hope things work out for you.

 

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12 hours ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

It's weird how just talking a bit about it makes me feel better. Just hope this therapist is easy going. 

If they're not, or it's not feeling like a good match, find another one.

Each therapist has their own unique traits and what suits one person won't suit another.  Find one that works for you, then hold nothing back.  They can only work with what you give them.  Give them everything, give yourself the best chance of making positive change.

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Do what the others have said and go speak to someone.  Whilst there is a lot of goodwill on VT, none of us are experts.  

I was feeling low a few years ago and felt like a bad person. 

To test this hypothesis, I kicked a dog to death near a canal, and booted his dying body into the lock, the poor thing never came back up again.. 

Needless to say, I felt ruddy awful about doing it, which told me that I'm not awful at all.  

Now I play 7 a side football, have 6 Facebook friends and enjoy watching people fall over on Segways on YouTube. I hope one day you can be this happy xoxox 

Edited by lapal_fan
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As I've said in this thread previously, I suffered for 2/3 years with anxiety and I saw no way out. I would get random panic attacks out of nowhere and wouldn't know how to handle them. Was on pills but got off them and have been 2/3 years 'clean' with nothing since.

However, had a wobble a couple of weeks ago. Had the onset of a panic attack and couldn't keep it at bay. Felt almost ashamed afterwards. Opened up to the girl I'm seeing and she was really supportive which was nice.

Not sure what I'm expecting writing this down but it helps :)

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58 minutes ago, StefanAVFC said:

As I've said in this thread previously, I suffered for 2/3 years with anxiety and I saw no way out. I would get random panic attacks out of nowhere and wouldn't know how to handle them. Was on pills but got off them and have been 2/3 years 'clean' with nothing since.

However, had a wobble a couple of weeks ago. Had the onset of a panic attack and couldn't keep it at bay. Felt almost ashamed afterwards. Opened up to the girl I'm seeing and she was really supportive which was nice.

Not sure what I'm expecting writing this down but it helps :)

man up son 

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Don't worry about what's gone on before, it's done and it's gone. You aren't a time traveller, you can't change it. What you can always change, every day at any time, is how you decide to do things in the present and the future.  And it's rare that people write off people forever. If they see you're open and honest about the past, that's always a path to re-connecting. Just don't get bogged down by male pride. Acknowledging the full picture of who you are is important, otherwise you sleep walk through the same habits and behaviours.  If you start to think about why you might be acting in a certain way with certain people, you've got a chance of reconfiguring new habits. But, as everyone's said, the best person and place to work through that with is a trained professional who you feel comfortable with. 

But by all means, if you just want to rage into the internet ether to let off steam here, you can do that as well! :D 

 

But best of luck! :):thumb:

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14 minutes ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Oh well I've made the step and got my first appointment planned. If I can do this right for myself it's obviously worth it. But I can't pretend I feel good about it. Feel sick to my stomach just thinking about this appointment. 

 

Keep us posted though, eh?  It's often very encouraging for someone who is going through a tough time to hear of the experience of others getting help. 

 

Hope it all goes well.

Edited by choffer
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21 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Good stuff. It sounds like an astute analysis. I'm no psychiatrist, but when I read your original post two things occurred to me: 

(1) Fear of failure/rejection. It's as if part of you thinks "I'm unworthy of being liked, this is bound to go wrong, I may as well get my rejection in first and get it over with". Then you hate yourself for doing it, which increases the self-loathing, and perpetuates the cycle.

(2) It then becomes a form of OCD, almost like Tourette's - you're thinking "I mustn't say it, I mustn't say it" - which paradoxically only increases the likelihood that you WILL say it. 

My suggestion is that - admittedly reducing it to a cliché - you just need to chill out and accept that you're not perfect - nobody is. OK, you will sometimes screw up - but everybody does. That's life. 

Relationships are a compromise, and you can't win 'em all - sure, some people just plain won't like you - but so what? Others will. 

When I first met my wife, we were having a conversation about what we found attractive in people - you know, looks, intelligence, GSOH, the usual list. And she said something which struck me as profound - but so obvious I'd never really articulated it - "I like people who like me". I said "Well, I like you". We've had some big struggles, but 37 years later we're still married. 

Speak for yourself asshole ;) 

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1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

Good stuff. It sounds like an astute analysis. I'm no psychiatrist, but when I read your original post two things occurred to me: 

(1) Fear of failure/rejection. It's as if part of you thinks "I'm unworthy of being liked, this is bound to go wrong, I may as well get my rejection in first and get it over with". Then you hate yourself for doing it, which increases the self-loathing, and perpetuates the cycle.

 

This seemed to be the theme of the meeting. It's like I get it into my head I am not good enough and to keep my head above water I treat people like shit (or defensively shut people out and away), which ironically leads to what I don't want to happen. 

Edited by KenjiOgiwara

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14 minutes ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

This seemed to be the theme of the meeting. It's like I get it into my head I am not good enough and to keep my head above water I treat people like shit (or defensively shut people out and away), which ironically leads to what I don't want to happen. 

I'm so pleased you're already seeing some progress.  It's awesome.

Same as anything in life, throw yourself into it and you'll get your reward.  It's hard, but you're making a better future for yourself so it was never going to be easy.

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41 minutes ago, A'Villan said:

Wasn't going to post this and to be honest I don't know why I am now. True to form, this one's lengthy.

I guess I am in admiration of the other forum members who have allowed themselves to be vulnerable enough to share their story, that takes courage.

Some of you may be aware that I work at a mental health clinic as an advisory board member.

The clinic employs psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurses, social workers, vocational consultants, AOD counselors and so on.

We work closely with the major public hospitals in Melbourne as well as psychiatric wards.

So I have some experience in mental health because of the role that I have at the clinic.

However my experience and expertise (some of you may scoff at 'expertise' once you read the following) is not from working at the clinic, it's from lived experience.

I have previously suffered from depression and anxiety. But they came, and they passed, and they came to pass.

My most recent battle was the big one though. I was given the diagnosis of chronic paranoid schizophrenia.

When a girl I was seeing at the time asked me if I was seeing a professional I didn't think much of it.

By the time my family told me that they had booked an appointment with a psychiatrist, I knew what the diagnosis would be and wanted none of it.

I told my family that I would do it for them, but that they would diagnose me with schizophrenia for sure.

Usually a diagnosis of schizophrenia is given after 6 months of certain symptoms being displayed. The doctors took over 2 years to decide to diagnose me with it.

There are positive and negative symptoms with schizophrenia. And it may not be what you think.

Positive symptoms are the nasty buggers. Your hallucinations, delusions, racing thoughts etc.

Negative symptoms consist of cognitive issues, apathy, lack of emotion.

My advice, and this goes for everyone in life, be honest and tell it how you see it. Truth will set you free. Support and community are only as good as the people involved.

There's little room for pride and ego when life has you pinned down to the ground and is pounding on you. Your life is on the line.

It's been a long journey. Well worth it. I can safely say I am high functioning and healthy. I haven't had a truly s*** day in a long time.

I'll be honest mate.. 

The first post I saw of yours, I instantly thought "this guy is mental" :lol: 

Only joking, I'm not going to say "sorry about your illness", I'll just congratulate you on your apparent success on getting on top of it. 

I mean really, the three of you come across as top blokes :thumb:  

 

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3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

I'll be honest mate.. 

The first post I saw of yours, I instantly thought "this guy is mental" :lol: 

Only joking, I'm not going to say "sorry about your illness", I'll just congratulate you on your apparent success on getting on top of it. 

I mean really, the three of you come across as top blokes :thumb:  

 

Thanks @lapal_fan. For making me crack a smile first and foremost.

It's taught me a lot. Especially about belief and inner dialogue. I don't need you to feel sorry for me, if I was to feel sorry for myself, that might become a hindrance.

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It's easier to say this here than tell people at home or a doctor but I think I've got issues.   The smallest thing gets me down and not just for an hour or two but days or weeks.  I didn't get a  job I went for this week and it's got me so low I've just contemplated walking into work and quitting. I hate my job.  But like everyone else I've got a mortgage to pay so got to earn .  I went to bed at 8 last night just so I didn't have to be with other people.  What's wrong with me?

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1 hour ago, dubbs said:

It's easier to say this here than tell people at home or a doctor but I think I've got issues.   The smallest thing gets me down and not just for an hour or two but days or weeks.  I didn't get a  job I went for this week and it's got me so low I've just contemplated walking into work and quitting. I hate my job.  But like everyone else I've got a mortgage to pay so got to earn .  I went to bed at 8 last night just so I didn't have to be with other people.  What's wrong with me?

You're human.

Going to bed at 8pm so you have some time to yourself, even if it's spent sleeping, is a healthy reaction to the feelings that you've described, in my opinion.

Seems like you could use some time for yourself. Doing things that serve a purpose for you. What's your work-life balance like?

Working hard so you have a place for shelter to call home can be time consuming and stressful, but is also very necessary. I hope you find some respite in your work soon.

I know psychiatrists who openly admit to the medical model being flawed. I know of psychiatrists who are dedicating their life work to researching a better way.

I personally don't accept pathological diagnosis as a given. It is fallible and flawed, just like the people who are responsible for the practice.

'Temet nosce' is Latin for 'know thyself'. I would recommend you invest time in processing what's going on for you and what is causing you to feel as you are.

Finding people who can help and assist you with that is just as important.

 

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Ever since I had to "reevaluate" what kinda person I had become my problem wasn't going to bed early.  My problem is that I don't wanna wake up. I've been a morning person my entire life, but now I just hate every single morning I wake up and know I am breathing and have to deal with life. Guess that's just a minor depression talking. 

I have my own shit to deal with at the moment and am pretty clueless about my own stuff , but I never knew what this mental stuff was about before it hit me like a truck. Fortunately I have been told I will figure all this out, but for people that have it worse than me and this stuff never stops clouding the mind, they have my sympathies. Dante should have written about a few extra levels of hell, cause that's what it feels like. 

Only advice I can give you Dubbs is that it helps talking to someone. I didn't really have anyone, and lost the few I cared about on the way, but a therapist has helped me a lot on processing stuff, even if I've just been there a handful times. Guess it's a reason you have this "load off my mind" idiom.  

Edited by KenjiOgiwara
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