What is your experience of mental health?

[Xela]

My Nan had it. She went from compos mentis to not recognising her son in the space of a few months. It was rapid. Horrible. 

[theboyangel]

3 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

In my Grans last months of living, she developed Dementia and it was heartbreaking. Better off dead. 

It’s strange how we treat sufferers of dementia, they just waste away with no quality of life. We don’t even treat our pets the same way.

personally I’d be happy to see a doctor and solicitor tomorrow and sign an agreement if my mental health reached a certain level due to dementia/Alzheimer’s then I would be put down. 

My mum is worried she’ll get it too and already gets anxious if she forgets the slightest thing...  

[mjmooney]

6 minutes ago, theboyangel said:

It’s strange how we treat sufferers of dementia, they just waste away with no quality of life. We don’t even treat our pets the same way.

personally I’d be happy to see a doctor and solicitor tomorrow and sign an agreement if my mental health reached a certain level due to dementia/Alzheimer’s then I would be put down.

Very much this. My Dad had Alzheimer's, and my Mum had a horrific time trying to cope. As you can imagine, the prospect of me getting it, and my wife having a similar experience is terrifying. I would much rather have the right to 'pull the plug'. 

[AvfcRigo82]

4 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said:

My grandad has just been diagnosed with Dementia. Not sure what to expect, but I know he’s feeling pretty shit at the moment. Anyone been through this with a family member or loved one? 

Sorry to learn of this mate.

From experience (late grandma's 2nd husband) was diagnosed with in/around 2012. {He was 88 at the time}.

At first we weren't sure what was going on and confused by some of the things he started doing etc.

He would start to forget simple things and over the months he got worse.

He would just get up and wonder off and just land up somewhere random. Hairdressers (he was bald!?) or just wandering the street aimlessly until someone noticed him.

I would go to visit them at times and he would answer the door and would ask me things like who was I, or other occasions greet me by telling me he hadn't seen me since we were at school together 

As his condition gradually got worse he would start making dinner and tried to serve my gran cat food etc.

With her being 92 at the time she couldn't really do much. She was frail in a zimmer but still sharp as a knife and had her marbles until her passing.

From looking back it was a bit weird while scary etc. But also very sad when I think of the memories too. (My real grandad had died before I was born) but my Gran married again to him, John, (26th May 1982).

Growing up, we would always play snooker etc. Or go to speedway events.

Just sad to see him develop that in his later years and all the bits that went with it.

Often kept his humour and some days he would be 'normal' if that's the correct wording. A bit pot luck at the beginning but in the end he would get worse.

When my gran passed in 2015 he was sadly put into a care home.

 

You are all doing the right thing though Ruge by all plugging in together and rallying round.   Stay strong.

[Skruff]

My grand mother had it, Alzheimer's. It's a sad story, but I'd like to share it. Don't in any way take this as a indicator of what's going to happen to your grandfather. 

I was quite young at the time. Our grandmother used to care of us when our parents was at work. I remember her starting to do weird things. Like dressing us in winter clothes during the summer. Cooking for huge dinner parties when we were only supposed to be 5 people at the table, coming to visit giving us melted popstickles from her purse, thinking my sister was our mother etc. 

As a kid it was confusing, I was about 6. My grandmother was acting funny, and my mother was at times devastated over it. I couldn't really comprehend or understand what was going on.

It went quite rapid from her acting weird til our family/grandfather was unable to take care of her at home. She was moved to a elderly home specialized for dementia. Which at the time meant locked doors and heavy sedation.

Our mother would rarely take us to visit, she could barely bring herself to go. Gran was there for many years. The last time I saw her she sat in her bed, staring with wide open eyes, trying but unable to utter a word. I remember thinking something in the lines of: this isn't my grandmother anymore. She died when I was about 13. Her funeral was in many ways a relief and closure. As the family had been stuck with the feeling of loss for so many years beforehand. 

However, a lot has changed since then. This happend 20 years ago, give or take. How we deal with dementia has changed much since then. I work in health care,  so I have some experience with it. But I've never worked with it in particular, so I'm far from an expert. Just a few general thoughts. 

It is though on everyone involved. Especially for the person who's going thru it. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Some people can live a long and meaningful life without the disease progressing to much. While for others it goes too quick. 

In the early stages I've seen a lot of denial. Hurt and sense of loss in the person who has it. They have a sense of losing themselves but also their autonomy taken away from them. Especially in the stages where they function well in certain areas but poorly in others. Keep an open dialogue and involve your grandfather as much as possible in any decisions that's being made, if it's possible. Understand that it will take time for him to accept what's happening . He will probably have some reaction on the road towards that: sadness, anger, despair etc. 

Being in a known eviorment is the best. Look into the possibility of home nursing and technology such as a "Stoven  guard", automated medicine disposer, tracking device etc.

As the dementia develops in different ways. There's no perfect answer. Look for information from Dementia Organizations. Doctors, Nurses etc. I believe there are medicine for certain types that will help slow down the disease. 

I'd also look into a supplement called Lions Mane. As it's has shown some very promsing studies in mice when it comes to slowing down nerogenrative dieases and improve growth of brains cells. It's also shown to improved cognitive function in patient with dementia. Very few human trials so far though. Might be worth to read up on it and consult with a doctor. 

 

 

 

Edited February 8, 2019 by Skruff
Spelling

[Rugeley Villa]

28 minutes ago, Xela said:

My Nan had it. She went from compos mentis to not recognising her son in the space of a few months. It was rapid. Horrible. 

Jesus Christ, that’s awful. 

[Rugeley Villa]

Well it seems a few on here have been affected by it. He was on the phone to my mum today basically crying that he didn’t want to live like this. Thank you all for sharing information and your experiences. 

[Rugeley Villa]

I personally think when you’re 21 you should be able to sign a document giving permission for you to be able to freely end your life with medical assistance,  if you go on to get dementia or terminal cancer or anything like that which will massively decrease your quality of life. Obviously it’s your choice, but it would end a lot of suffering for that person and their  family. 

Edited February 7, 2019 by Rugeley Villa

[Paddywhack]

My Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of weeks back. She’s 92 and her memory has been deteriorating slowly for years, so it wasn’t too much of a shock.

I think I’ve stopped myself from thinking about how difficult the next few years might be though, mainly for my Dad and my Grandad.

There’s a photo of my nephew above her TV and the last few times I’d been round she’d mentioned that she’d seen him moving in the picture. I stupidly didn’t think too much of it at the time and assumed she just meant her eyes were going a bit funny, but it’s turns out that seeing things/hallucinations can be a part of Alzheimer’s. I never knew that. She’s actually seen him moving around in the photo, like in Harry Potter.

The bloke who diagnosed her explained that imagining animals is quite common. This annoyed my grandad because he’s 93 and has been getting up from his chair a lot recently to try and catch the rat that my nan has been seeing hiding behind the TV  

Also, as soon as the bloke assessing her had left their house my Nan asked what time the bloke assessing her was getting there. I thought that was quite apt.

[Rugeley Villa]

10 hours ago, Paddywhack said:

My Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of weeks back. She’s 92 and her memory has been deteriorating slowly for years, so it wasn’t too much of a shock.

I think I’ve stopped myself from thinking about how difficult the next few years might be though, mainly for my Dad and my Grandad.

There’s a photo of my nephew above her TV and the last few times I’d been round she’d mentioned that she’d seen him moving in the picture. I stupidly didn’t think too much of it at the time and assumed she just meant her eyes were going a bit funny, but it’s turns out that seeing things/hallucinations can be a part of Alzheimer’s. I never knew that. She’s actually seen him moving around in the photo, like in Harry Potter.

The bloke who diagnosed her explained that imagining animals is quite common. This annoyed my grandad because he’s 93 and has been getting up from his chair a lot recently to try and catch the rat that my nan has been seeing hiding behind the TV  

Also, as soon as the bloke assessing her had left their house my Nan asked what time the bloke assessing her was getting there. I thought that was quite apt.

Reading this made me smile, although it’s tragic. The bit about your grandad keep getting up to catch the rat 

[KenjiOgiwara]

Okey I don't know where to turn at the moment, so I am giving it a go here. I don't feel comfortable talking with family or friends about it, so here goes nothing. Hoping this is a serious thread and not a joke thread, cause I just read the title when i searched for it. 

I've struggled all my life with intimacy confidence I guess. I've never really let anyone in and the very few people I've let in, I do a very good job of hurting them and pushing them out of my life. I am 34 I can't keep a steady relationship going for my life. I always **** up, deliberately or not. I have probably pretty massive trust issues. 

I tend to bottle all of my emotions up, and just explode at a point. When explode my goal is really to tell everyone I care about to go **** themselves, and then I regret like a dog. Ultimately it leads to me losing people I care about deeply.

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

I don't know what to do atm. I feel so **** bad. I am not always a bad person, and 95% of the time I think I am pretty nice, but the remaining 5% I just melt down. It's gotten gradually worse the last 2-3 years, and unfortunately I've gotten more aware of what an asshole I am. I cut out girls I am dating, friends, family, and for some bizarre reason the break down is reasoned by me being in the right when I am obviously not and acting completely irrational.

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?  I've never been to therapist so I don't know how it works, but I have to admit it's so incredibly difficult for me to accept the idea that I need help. 

I come from a family of some mental illness, but much worse than me. Which is also why I've never accepted that the little stuff I have is worthy of therapist sessions.

Just talking about this makes my eyes watery and I haven't cried in 25 years or something. This is so difficult. 

[jackbauer24]

@KenjiOgiwaraKenjiOgiwara

You will get some responses on here. They may even be useful. But there's a much better place to start - your Doctor.

Yes, absolutely there will be things the doctor/therapist/psychologist can do for you. If you're asking for help then you're clearly not an awful person - awful people would just carry on.

Tomorrow morning, phone up your GP and ask for an appointment. They'll point you in right direction.

[AvfcRigo82]

21 minutes ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Okey I don't know where to turn at the moment, so I am giving it a go here. I don't feel comfortable talking with family or friends about it, so here goes nothing. Hoping this is a serious thread and not a joke thread, cause I just read the title when i searched for it. 

I've struggled all my life with intimacy confidence I guess. I've never really let anyone in and the very few people I've let in, I do a very good job of hurting them and pushing them out of my life. I am 34 I can't keep a steady relationship going for my life. I always **** up, deliberately or not. I have probably pretty massive trust issues. 

I tend to bottle all of my emotions up, and just explode at a point. When explode my goal is really to tell everyone I care about to go **** themselves, and then I regret like a dog. Ultimately it leads to me losing people I care about deeply.

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

I don't know what to do atm. I feel so **** bad. I am not always a bad person, and 95% of the time I think I am pretty nice, but the remaining 5% I just melt down. It's gotten gradually worse the last 2-3 years, and unfortunately I've gotten more aware of what an asshole I am. I cut out girls I am dating, friends, family, and for some bizarre reason the break down is reasoned by me being in the right when I am obviously not and acting completely irrational.

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?  I've never been to therapist so I don't know how it works, but I have to admit it's so incredibly difficult for me to accept the idea that I need help. 

I come from a family of some mental illness, but much worse than me. Which is also why I've never accepted that the little stuff I have is worthy of therapist sessions.

Just talking about this makes my eyes watery and I haven't cried in 25 years or something. This is so difficult. 

Hey Kenji. Sorry to learn of this.

Would you mind me asking, where could this have all stemmed from. I mean going as far back as childhood, retracing steps?

What would you base as the starting point that could have potentially led to this further down the line.

 

Fwiw. I think alot of posters on this forum are slightly reserved at first about coming out with real in depth troubles in our private lives wether it be depression, illness, relationship related - anything, that we face in our lives (myself included). Some of the many great folk on here have taught me and many other posters that we are mostly all willing to listen and help where we can where possible, so well done for speaking up about this mate.

[Carlos_the_third]

26 minutes ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Okey I don't know where to turn at the moment, so I am giving it a go here. I don't feel comfortable talking with family or friends about it, so here goes nothing. Hoping this is a serious thread and not a joke thread, cause I just read the title when i searched for it. 

I've struggled all my life with intimacy confidence I guess. I've never really let anyone in and the very few people I've let in, I do a very good job of hurting them and pushing them out of my life. I am 34 I can't keep a steady relationship going for my life. I always **** up, deliberately or not. I have probably pretty massive trust issues. 

I tend to bottle all of my emotions up, and just explode at a point. When explode my goal is really to tell everyone I care about to go **** themselves, and then I regret like a dog. Ultimately it leads to me losing people I care about deeply.

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

I don't know what to do atm. I feel so **** bad. I am not always a bad person, and 95% of the time I think I am pretty nice, but the remaining 5% I just melt down. It's gotten gradually worse the last 2-3 years, and unfortunately I've gotten more aware of what an asshole I am. I cut out girls I am dating, friends, family, and for some bizarre reason the break down is reasoned by me being in the right when I am obviously not and acting completely irrational.

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?  I've never been to therapist so I don't know how it works, but I have to admit it's so incredibly difficult for me to accept the idea that I need help. 

I come from a family of some mental illness, but much worse than me. Which is also why I've never accepted that the little stuff I have is worthy of therapist sessions.

Just talking about this makes my eyes watery and I haven't cried in 25 years or something. This is so difficult. 

Really sorry to hear you’re going through some tough times. Definitely, 100% go and talk to a doctor. It’s free, and could make a world of difference. It is very overwhelming coming to a realisation that you may need some help (I think this is especially the case if you, like me, come from a family that is no stranger to mental illness, as there is an inner pressure to be the strong one in that case), so it is totally understandable if you’re scared of talking to the doctor, as admitting you’re having issues is a whole new world from the one that so many of us are used to where we bottle things up. Going to a doc can simply be for a conversation, it doesn’t have to lead to medication (although I’m sure it can if you want it to now or further down the line) - the doctor can then provide an initial assessment, and some advice for the future.

This advice will almost certainly include therapy. You can either pay to go private, or wait for one on the NHS (waiting times can be long but exact times will depend on where you live in the country). There are all sorts of different types of therapy, and I’m sure the doctor would be able to advise which is best for you (for instance, there is just standard talk therapy where you let all your problems loose, cognitive behavioural therapy where you look at how to rewire negative thought patterns, plus many more). Therapy can be an amazing tool, and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - I was foolishly embarrassed to admit to my friends that I was in therapy, and it turned out a load of them had also been in it or were still in it!

There are also so, so many aspects of life that we can all improve on that can lead to a massive added positive effect on our mental health and lives. Diet, exercise, hobbies, meditation, yoga are all proven to help with wellbeing - I have recently changed my diet completely, and feel a world of difference to before.

You are not an awful person - would an awful person think they are an awful person? No. You have a massive advantage over a lot of people, in that you have identified something in your personality that you would like to improve. This is a very large positive step in the right direction, and going to the doctors is the next step along this path. They will have some valuable advice, and then you can take that on board, in conjunction with therapy and all other sorts of things like I mentioned above to improve your happiness and quality of relationships tenfold. It won’t be easy - you will have to re-wire your thinking patterns, which may take some time, but it will be so worth it!

 

 

[KenjiOgiwara]

1 hour ago, AvfcRigo82 said:

Hey Kenji. Sorry to learn of this.

Would you mind me asking, where could this have all stemmed from. I mean going as far back as childhood, retracing steps?

What would you base as the starting point that could have potentially led to this further down the line.

 

Fwiw. I think alot of posters on this forum are slightly reserved at first about coming out with real in depth troubles in our private lives wether it be depression, illness, relationship related - anything, that we face in our lives (myself included). Some of the many great folk on here have taught me and many other posters that we are mostly all willing to listen and help where we can where possible, so well done for speaking up about this mate.

Feel more comfortable if I did that in pmmate. Thanks for asking 

Edited February 10, 2019 by KenjiOgiwara

[HanoiVillan]

1 hour ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Okey I don't know where to turn at the moment, so I am giving it a go here. I don't feel comfortable talking with family or friends about it, so here goes nothing. Hoping this is a serious thread and not a joke thread, cause I just read the title when i searched for it. 

I've struggled all my life with intimacy confidence I guess. I've never really let anyone in and the very few people I've let in, I do a very good job of hurting them and pushing them out of my life. I am 34 I can't keep a steady relationship going for my life. I always **** up, deliberately or not. I have probably pretty massive trust issues. 

I tend to bottle all of my emotions up, and just explode at a point. When explode my goal is really to tell everyone I care about to go **** themselves, and then I regret like a dog. Ultimately it leads to me losing people I care about deeply.

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

I don't know what to do atm. I feel so **** bad. I am not always a bad person, and 95% of the time I think I am pretty nice, but the remaining 5% I just melt down. It's gotten gradually worse the last 2-3 years, and unfortunately I've gotten more aware of what an asshole I am. I cut out girls I am dating, friends, family, and for some bizarre reason the break down is reasoned by me being in the right when I am obviously not and acting completely irrational.

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?  I've never been to therapist so I don't know how it works, but I have to admit it's so incredibly difficult for me to accept the idea that I need help. 

I come from a family of some mental illness, but much worse than me. Which is also why I've never accepted that the little stuff I have is worthy of therapist sessions.

Just talking about this makes my eyes watery and I haven't cried in 25 years or something. This is so difficult. 

I realise I'm not adding massively to the responses you already got to this, but I just want to add my voice to those recommending you see a therapist. I had cause to see relationship counsellors at Mind nearly a decade ago now, and they helped my wife and I enormously. 

If you don't do anything to change, nothing will change. 

I wish you the best of luck mate. 

[Xela]

1 hour ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

Have you spoken to your female colleague about this? If she is as cool as she sounds then i'm sure she would understand. 

Sorry to hear of your troubles pal. I'm not expert in this but would echo the sentiments of others. Speak to your Doctor first. 

[mikeyp102]

3 hours ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Okey I don't know where to turn at the moment, so I am giving it a go here. I don't feel comfortable talking with family or friends about it, so here goes nothing. Hoping this is a serious thread and not a joke thread, cause I just read the title when i searched for it. 

I've struggled all my life with intimacy confidence I guess. I've never really let anyone in and the very few people I've let in, I do a very good job of hurting them and pushing them out of my life. I am 34 I can't keep a steady relationship going for my life. I always **** up, deliberately or not. I have probably pretty massive trust issues. 

I tend to bottle all of my emotions up, and just explode at a point. When explode my goal is really to tell everyone I care about to go **** themselves, and then I regret like a dog. Ultimately it leads to me losing people I care about deeply.

Recently I became friends with a female colleague. Pretty cool chick. Football nut and everything. Nothing romantic, just buddies. She was always very understanding to my shit. So once I realized this was a very good friend, I started doing my best to treat her like trash. No idea why. I just bottle up and lash out. So no I've basically gone over the line and lost her friendship. Like many others. Ironically this woman was the first person to point all of this out to me, and said I should see a professional. She means a great deal to me, but I suspect she will never understand that now.

I don't know what to do atm. I feel so **** bad. I am not always a bad person, and 95% of the time I think I am pretty nice, but the remaining 5% I just melt down. It's gotten gradually worse the last 2-3 years, and unfortunately I've gotten more aware of what an asshole I am. I cut out girls I am dating, friends, family, and for some bizarre reason the break down is reasoned by me being in the right when I am obviously not and acting completely irrational.

My question is really whether this is something I could see a therapist about, or whether I am just an awful person. Can stuff like this be helped?  I've never been to therapist so I don't know how it works, but I have to admit it's so incredibly difficult for me to accept the idea that I need help. 

I come from a family of some mental illness, but much worse than me. Which is also why I've never accepted that the little stuff I have is worthy of therapist sessions.

Just talking about this makes my eyes watery and I haven't cried in 25 years or something. This is so difficult. 

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. You definitely don’t sound like a bad person. Sometime coping mechanisms can do the weirdest things and yours for some reason is to push people away. As others have said definitely go speak to a doctor, as there will be ways of changing your coping mechanisms. It will be hard to speak to people about it, but you’ve taken the first steps now by admitting you have a problem. There are also plenty of books I’m sure you could obtain again to help you change your mechanisms. 

As for the colleague at work, apologise to her, give her a brief explanation, she doesn’t have to know full details until you are confident enough. Tell her you would like to still be friends, I’m sure she’ll come round. 

[KenjiOgiwara]

7 hours ago, Xela said:

Have you spoken to your female colleague about this? If she is as cool as she sounds then i'm sure she would understand. 

Sorry to hear of your troubles pal. I'm not expert in this but would echo the sentiments of others. Speak to your Doctor first. 

It's unfortunately not the first time I act like a child I am afraid. I've been worse than normal the last year(s) or so and she has been a victim to it more than once. I fully understand her position, but it's heartbreaking to have this impulsive character flaw where you ruin your own life by pushing everyone away. 

Edited February 10, 2019 by KenjiOgiwara

[KenjiOgiwara]

It's weird how just talking a bit about it makes me feel better. Just hope this therapist is easy going. 

Edited February 10, 2019 by KenjiOgiwara