Popular Post Brumerican Posted June 5, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted June 5, 2021 3 hours ago, choffer said: Does someone want to help me out and tell me that you do get over losing your mum? I could never have imagined how hard it would hit. I like to think I’m normally a pretty resilient type but three weeks in and I’m not sure I’ll ever get past the overwhelming grief. You never really lost your mum. She's inside every strand of your DNA and lives on through you so make her proud. You may never "get over it" but when you truly understand that nobody is ever truly gone it gets easier . Day by day , little by little then eventually you see the big picture and it's BEAUTIFUL. I see my mom in reflections of myself all the time and it makes me cry with elation rather than sadness. It Hz because of LOVE. Never forget that. 13 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 @chofferTell us about your favourite memories of you mom. What are the happy memories? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 Sorry to hear about your loss Choffer. Not sure people fully get over losing a loved one, but time is an healer as they say, and it’s still early days. At some point you’ll find yourself starting to have good days. All the best x 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) @chofferI don't want to come across as blunt but I think that we (at best) adapt to our losses. We never fully get over our bereavements. I have lost both my parents so i tend to focus on the good times and memories i had with them. One thing i will say is that you will have occasional lapses where you're getting stronger as time goes by and then all of a sudden you see or hear something that triggers off sadness. That's fine and is normal, so don't think that "it's been a year, i shouldn't feel like this now". To be honest I'd be concerned if that didn't happen to you. Blokes are generally crap at expressing our emotions so if you want to, then cry, shout, pull the duvet over your head for a day then do it....just don't bottle it up. Edited June 5, 2021 by mottaloo 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted June 5, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted June 5, 2021 Thanks all. Not to diminish my original post but I really should put my phone away when I’ve had a drink or two. Today, the sun is shining, the cricket is on the telly and I’m feeling much brighter. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 16 minutes ago, choffer said: Thanks all. Not to diminish my original post but I really should put my phone away when I’ve had a drink or two. Today, the sun is shining, the cricket is on the telly and I’m feeling much brighter. No need to explain mate. Alcohol (VERY OCCASIONALLY)loosens my tongue and frees me to open up a bit more and if by accident one of us says something on here that you find helpful then that's great. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villaphan04 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 figured that i'd post this here. I've just been not really at it for a while. I'm about to finish up my university masters degree and it just feels so hollow. Almost this entire year I've just been stuck at home "working" on my classes. With things opening up over here in the states a bit more, I'm getting in better spirits but i don't really know. I haven't really been able to socialize for a long time (outside of posting on message boards) and i feel like I always have time for nothing but never do anything either. With the pandemic & me doing grad school stuff I moved back with my parents to save money (since I wasn't able to work as schools were closed). Mentally I feel fine outside of the ups and downs I get on occasion. I just am not really sure what the answer is. My younger sister moved to her own place maybe 7 months ago because she wanted to be on her own (with her roommate) and has been working from home since. since her roommate is gone for work the entire day, she is alone and has almost nothing really to do or socialize with. My cousins have similar stories where they just didn't feel like living in their own apartments etc and moved back in with family specifically with the socializing issues. I'm the only one I think that's hasn't gone to a professional for help and I don't know if one would be helpful or not. I've had some depression issues in the past but usually don't bring me down to the extremes. I also think that having a few of my mates not doing stuff is also being very unhelpful (one of them hasn't left his parents house since the pandemic began other than for groceries and getting vaccinated). It's probably just social and issues with making new mates & friends, but at this time I just don't see how I can do that. It just feels weird to be having social issues as a lad in his early twenties, but covid has changed a whole lot of stuff. Anyone have any ideas or recommendations? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I suspect a lot of people feel like this. During the 15 months of restrictions we have lost all of those habits and routines that made up our social life. But the restrictions aren't over and we can't go mad** and have a massive party or go on that round the world cruise. I guess the answer is to build up our social lives again like we did when we were younger. We built up our social lives, hobbies and interests over several years and as we get older we constantly change them. Our social lives were "turned off" overnight. We now need to build them back. ** probably not the best word to use on this thread. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I was pretty gutted last Thursday when our family holiday to Dorset got cancelled the day before we were meant to go, due to my son's nursery nurse contracting Covid19 and my 2 year old having to isolate for 10 days. Yesterday was the first day he could do anything, and whilst the rest of us didn't have to isolate, it's meant we've been split in 2 for 10 days entertaining my 6 year old who was really crestfallen at losing the holiday. We tested him and ourselves daily (what a pleasure that is for my 2 year old..) and he hasn't got it, so it's been really frustrating. We've had days out, I took my 6 year old down to watchet for the day, to go fossil hunting, took him to Legoland Birmingham and sea life centre etc, but I'm really pissed off at stuff atm. We packed and everything, got loads of treats to take away, the only thing we didn't do is load the car, but everything was ready to get put in the boot. Luckily we got ALL of the money back, which would have been extra annoying, but wow, after 15 months and no holiday, for us to get punished because of someone else, totally out of our control, when we've really tried with the social distancing measures, left a very sour taste. Had to cancel our trip to Disney last year, so my 6 year old was pretty upset. Can't wait for this all to go away now, I'm really done with it all. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wazzap24 Posted June 6, 2021 Share Posted June 6, 2021 On 05/06/2021 at 00:20, choffer said: Does someone want to help me out and tell me that you do get over losing your mum? I could never have imagined how hard it would hit. I like to think I’m normally a pretty resilient type but three weeks in and I’m not sure I’ll ever get past the overwhelming grief. I lost mine to cancer a few years back and feel your pain. You go through a range of emotions. I was very angry for a while, mainly because of how she was treated by the NHS in her last few weeks. Then came the sadness/feeling of loss, which hung around for a while. It does get easier and you’ll get through it, it just takes time. Take care of yourself. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 6, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted June 6, 2021 5 hours ago, wazzap24 said: I lost mine to cancer a few years back and feel your pain. You go through a range of emotions. I was very angry for a while, mainly because of how she was treated by the NHS in her last few weeks. Then came the sadness/feeling of loss, which hung around for a while. It does get easier and you’ll get through it, it just takes time. Take care of yourself. Yeah, there’s a bit of that here too. Presented at her GP for over a year with a range of symptoms that were all signifiers of cancer and he continued to dismiss her as a hypochondriac. Even when one of his colleagues suggested cancer, he scoffed at the suggestion and spent another six months dismissing mums ailments. Then in her last month, she spent 8 days in the QE waiting for a chest X-ray. They forgot she was there and treated her extremely poorly. We were ringing 20+ times a day to try to find out what was going on and only once got a phone call back. I’m normally a big advocate of the NHS but it’s difficult to get my head around how dysfunctional it can be at times. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wazzap24 Posted June 6, 2021 Share Posted June 6, 2021 @choffer This may sound a bit daft, but my wife booked a ‘rage room’ for me at some place in Brum. They give you a metal baseball bat and 15/20 mins to smash up a load of old phones/computers/office equipment in a big empty room. I cannot tell you what a release it was. The anger kind of drained out of me there and then. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 7, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted June 7, 2021 17 hours ago, wazzap24 said: @choffer This may sound a bit daft, but my wife booked a ‘rage room’ for me at some place in Brum. They give you a metal baseball bat and 15/20 mins to smash up a load of old phones/computers/office equipment in a big empty room. I cannot tell you what a release it was. The anger kind of drained out of me there and then. That's awesome. I might look into that. To be honest though, that angle isn't really my biggest concern. I'm just struggling a wee bit to get my head on straight at the moment. Feels like I can't quite get my brain in gear. Sure it'll pass eventually - I'm just thankful I've got such a good boss. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chindie Posted June 8, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted June 8, 2021 Having lost both parents in a short time when I was still quite young, the best thing I can say on loss is that whilst it never really goes away, it is blunted in time. The hardest thing is the loss of the memory of them - I can't recall my mother's voice. But with that and the time, and every additional memory, the pain is blunted. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 I still have both parents so have not experienced pain of the loss, but am more than aware they are not getting any younger. I always imagine though losing anyone through old age is inevitable (not that it makes it any better), but losing a loved one through a accident or the like, must be the worst pain, although maybe I'm wrong. One thing I do know is having a child who was extremely poorly as a 3 year old spending over 2 weeks in hospital no knowing what was wrong with him, was one of the worst experiences I would never want myself, or anyone to go through. How parents handle having a terminally ill child is beyond comprehension. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peckham Wanderer Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 I (finally) watched Ian Wright's docu. on domestic violence (I'd been putting it off). Jesus. Way too familiar a conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post leighavfc Posted June 24, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted June 24, 2021 (edited) Here I am again... i feel like that this is the only place to get my words out.. I struggle to talk to people I know, but this place is my sanctuary. I don't post on here often these days and when I do it's about me and my struggles which I'm sorry you all have to read. Another day of chaos for me personally... resulting in my partner walking out... As you may have read in the past I've struggled with drug addiction most of my adult life, and struggling secretly with my mental health. Then of course on top it's the day to day problems you get in every day life which grind you down even more. Around a year ago we lost the mother in law to covid which was obviously a real sad and bad time for firstly my partner, her dad and sister....then the rest of us around her also like me and the kids. My partner was coping as "well" as she could until a few months ago... but it's really hit her hard recently. This has obviously resulted in a lot of bad days for her and us both as a couple.. it's really been hell at home.. especially these last couple of weeks... arguments, crying, upset.. normal things but on a bigger than normal scale. Today we found out her sister has covid.... my partner was with her last night also! We've both been stressed about that and what to do etc. We had a bit of a row over.... god knows what tbh! It's been ok for the rest of the day but this evening when I got home she went absolutely mental... about her being depressed and thinking she has ptsd. I try my best to talk to her about it but I'm useless at it. I don't understand it myself and struggle to offer any reasonable advice as I struggle to cope with my stuff too... I haven't even discussed my troubles with her at any point and especially not during this past year. I suggested maybe professional help would help her and get her the proper advice and guidance through it... this was the match to the dynamite stick! She's laid into me big time tonight... really ripped me to shreds and then gone out the door. For a split second I wondered if ending it all would be easier... that's the first time I've ever had this thought in my entire life... I lost my best friend to suicide and quickly remembered the pain of that happening which snapped me out of it. I'm calmer now, especially since writing this. I bottle all my problems up all the time at the expense of helping others with theirs... that's absolutely the kind of person I am and always have been. It's all getting on top of me now though too and today has just brought it all up again to me. I have nowhere to turn, I struggle to open up, I'm trying to keep everything together at home whilst running a business and a kids football team also... work is so busy at the moment I barely catch a breathe.. it's so tough juggling it all. I don't hate my missus for what's happened tonight as I understand she is having a bad moment... the nasty stuff she has said to me whilst some of it is true, some of it is completely unreasonable... but again I can look past that due to her feelings/issues at the moment. Mentally though its another hammer blow to already badly damaged goods. I'm not good enough, I have baggage, I don't do enough for everybody.... life is not easy for any of us of course and I'm not the only one... I just feel it at the moment and god knows what's coming up in the days ahead. I'm so low at the moment... been sitting here for 2 hours in the dark in silence on/off crying. Life is not good at the moment for me. Sorry for the long me me me post I needed to put some of my thoughts down somewhere. Thank you for reading, it has brought me down a little and at least I've been able to write this and get it out somewhere. Thanks VillaTalk, your an unusual sanctuary for some like me in times I really need it Edited June 24, 2021 by leighavfc 2 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dodgyknees Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 I have had anxiety and panic attacks, I used to suffer massively from depression when younger. Still get the occasional moment of anxiety (such as through Covid, especially when suffering) and irs not nice. Hope you’re ok mate. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MNVillan Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 17 minutes ago, avfcDJ said: I have had anxiety and panic attacks, I used to suffer massively from depression when younger. Still get the occasional moment of anxiety (such as through Covid, especially when suffering) and irs not nice. Hope you’re ok mate. I’ll be fine, therapy helps a lot. I try to get it out on social media and message boards to help stop the stigma. But mods can feel free to delete if this topic crosses the line on the board. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted July 16, 2021 Share Posted July 16, 2021 6 hours ago, MNVillan said: I’ll be fine, therapy helps a lot. I try to get it out on social media and message boards to help stop the stigma. But mods can feel free to delete if this topic crosses the line on the board. My youngest is having a particularly bad summer and its been made worse by some really poor service from the NHS on this. To the point where we’ve cut them out of the equation as they were becoming a major factor. It’s fascinating to me that it was a subject I knew very little about, and now, if I mention it to anyone, they can almost always reel off their own experiences or those of a close contact. Good day, good day, good day….. crash, start again, good day, good day… Keeping to a schedule and pre planning and being single minded and ‘mindfulness’ appears to be the way to go, for us. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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