What is your experience of mental health?

[kurtsimonw]

Taken a real nosedive lately. 

I've missed a few days at work, haven't been eating, I have no desire to get out of bed. I managed to get to work yesterday and spent over an hour with HR, and had to be honest with them. I don't really see the point in life if I'm going to be unhappy. Medication and therapy aren't fixes for my problem, so when I'm seeing someone I just start feeling guilty that I'm wasting time that someone else can benefit from. 

I spent the weekend googling about things I shouldn't be, but it's got to the point where I've had enough. I went through this about 18 months ago and my ex just popped up. I doubt there's going to be a miracle to save me this time. 

[villa89]

52 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

I spent the weekend googling about things I shouldn't be, but it's got to the point where I've had enough. I went through this about 18 months ago and my ex just popped up. I doubt there's going to be a miracle to save me this time. 

Have you any friends or family you can talk to? Meet them for a coffee and tell them everything, the full lot. Once you say the words and get everything out you'll realise things aren't as bad as you think they are. 

[MCU]

2 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

Taken a real nosedive lately. 

I've missed a few days at work, haven't been eating, I have no desire to get out of bed. I managed to get to work yesterday and spent over an hour with HR, and had to be honest with them. I don't really see the point in life if I'm going to be unhappy. Medication and therapy aren't fixes for my problem, so when I'm seeing someone I just start feeling guilty that I'm wasting time that someone else can benefit from. 

I spent the weekend googling about things I shouldn't be, but it's got to the point where I've had enough. I went through this about 18 months ago and my ex just popped up. I doubt there's going to be a miracle to save me this time. 

Apologies I'm late to this thread and your story but I'm really sorry you're going through this. Do you have any ideas what triggered you to feel this way? I just want to say without sounding cliché you are definitely not alone in this and these feelings will pass.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

3 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

Taken a real nosedive lately. 

I've missed a few days at work, haven't been eating, I have no desire to get out of bed. I managed to get to work yesterday and spent over an hour with HR, and had to be honest with them. I don't really see the point in life if I'm going to be unhappy. Medication and therapy aren't fixes for my problem, so when I'm seeing someone I just start feeling guilty that I'm wasting time that someone else can benefit from. 

I spent the weekend googling about things I shouldn't be, but it's got to the point where I've had enough. I went through this about 18 months ago and my ex just popped up. I doubt there's going to be a miracle to save me this time. 

You are not alone. 

You are feeling low at the moment and that's not the right time to make any decisions. 

Get help. 

Get out of the house and do something.  Cookery courses are always good. You get to meet new people. Even if none become friends you have still learnt a skill that will help you make friends. 

Life can be shit but the alternative  (in my opinion) is nothing

Edited May 10, 2019 by Mandy Lifeboats
Speeling mishsteaks

[kurtsimonw]

4 hours ago, villa89 said:

Have you any friends or family you can talk to? Meet them for a coffee and tell them everything, the full lot. Once you say the words and get everything out you'll realise things aren't as bad as you think they are. 

I've done enough talking and I'm worse than ever. I've spoken to people on these crisis lines, but they can't really help. Being so lonely and depressed isn't just fixed by talking to someone. As soon as I put the phone down, they forget who I am. I don't have many friends, I didn't go to work for nearly 10 days and nobody reached out to see if I was okay, because nobody cares. 

3 hours ago, MCU said:

Apologies I'm late to this thread and your story but I'm really sorry you're going through this. Do you have any ideas what triggered you to feel this way? I just want to say without sounding cliché you are definitely not alone in this and these feelings will pass.

I think it's a number of things. A bunch of people at work are in new relationships every week, and it depresses me how I just feel so unliked in that way. For all the putting myself out there and working on myself for so many years, I never had any success. And the one girl who chased me has ended up running so far the other way. 

2 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

You are not alone. 

You are feeling low at the moment and that's not the right time to make any decisions. 

Get help. 

Get out of the house and do something.  Cookery courses are always good. You get to meet new people. Even if none become friends you have still learnt a skill that will help you make friends. 

Life can be shit but the alternative  (in my opinion) is nothing

I've done a lot though. I joined a bunch of meetup groups for fitness, film, sports. I stayed learning Italian at classes. It got me out of the house, but that's all it really achieved. 

Isn't the alternative better? If I hate a movie, I turn it off. If I don't like someone, I have nothing to do with them. The not doing of something, nothing, is better than a negative. 

[Xela]

Please don't do anything silly mate.

 

3 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:

A bunch of people at work are in new relationships every week, and it depresses me how I just feel so unliked in that way. 

Don't judge yourself by others - most of these relationships don't work - as you say, new relationships every week! Some people feel the need to have to be with someone all the time, even if they aren't right for them. 

 

[kurtsimonw]

1 minute ago, Xela said:

Please don't do anything silly mate.

 

Don't judge yourself by others - most of these relationships don't work - as you say, new relationships every week! Some people feel the need to have to be with someone all the time, even if they aren't right for them. 

 

But in 16 years as an adult, I've been depressed for 15 of them. The 1 year I had a relationship, I was so genuinely happy. 

Whether or not it works out, surely being wanted by someone else is something? That's how I felt. That of all the people on the planet, she wanted to spend time with  me. Now I feel of all the people on the planet, nobody wants to spend time with me. 

I'm not comparing myself to other people as such, I am deeply unhappy and I know the reason why. 

[mjmooney]

This new BBC mental health season looks interesting - Alistair Campbell on depression, Nadiya Hussein on anxiety, David Harewood on psychosis. Of course, with Harewood being a bluenose, there's nothing unusual about being psychotic. 

[Carlos_the_third]

On 10/05/2019 at 13:35, kurtsimonw said:

I've done enough talking and I'm worse than ever. I've spoken to people on these crisis lines, but they can't really help. Being so lonely and depressed isn't just fixed by talking to someone. As soon as I put the phone down, they forget who I am. I don't have many friends, I didn't go to work for nearly 10 days and nobody reached out to see if I was okay, because nobody cares. 

I think it's a number of things. A bunch of people at work are in new relationships every week, and it depresses me how I just feel so unliked in that way. For all the putting myself out there and working on myself for so many years, I never had any success. And the one girl who chased me has ended up running so far the other way. 

I've done a lot though. I joined a bunch of meetup groups for fitness, film, sports. I stayed learning Italian at classes. It got me out of the house, but that's all it really achieved. 

Isn't the alternative better? If I hate a movie, I turn it off. If I don't like someone, I have nothing to do with them. The not doing of something, nothing, is better than a negative. 

I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time of things Kurt, and you’re feeling so low.

From my experience of depression, your brain is not your friend right now, so be very careful about listening to anything it is telling you (in fact you are much better off not listening to any of the negative stuff as it ain’t doing you any good). You may not be happy now, but you have proved to yourself that you can be happy. That is an incredible piece of knowledge going forwards, and one you can use as you get yourself better. It will not be easy, but you will be so much stronger for it once you get there.

 

[chrisvilla4]

@kurtsimonw I hope you're doing ok. It will pass, keep talking/ posting etc.  by doing this you are moving forward. UTV.

[kurtsimonw]

Last time it didn't pass, it lasted for 15 years. I happened to fluke my way in to a relationship and I was happy. Some people are happy on their own and that's fine. But from experience it isn't for me. I don't really do social media, but I posted some pretty desperate stuff to no response. It's funny when you realise you're just one insignificant person. That nobody actually wants to spend any time with you. 

[lapal_fan]

28 minutes ago, kurtsimonw said:

Last time it didn't pass, it lasted for 15 years. I happened to fluke my way in to a relationship and I was happy. Some people are happy on their own and that's fine. But from experience it isn't for me. I don't really do social media, but I posted some pretty desperate stuff to no response. It's funny when you realise you're just one insignificant person. That nobody actually wants to spend any time with you. 

Not being funny, but apart from proximity, there seem to be plenty of people in this thread rooting for you.

As you've probably read on here multiple times, people become immune and tired from desperate stuff on Facebook.

If you want a response, try picking up the phone? 

[kurtsimonw]

5 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

Not being funny, but apart from proximity, there seem to be plenty of people in this thread rooting for you.

As you've probably read on here multiple times, people become immune and tired from desperate stuff on Facebook.

If you want a response, try picking up the phone? 

I have. I called a few people who I thought cared, they didn't answer. Or if they pick up, they've got "two minutes", but mostly they don't answer.  I don't post on social media, maybe a couple of times a year at most, it's not like I'm some dramatic person who does it every month. I can't seem to create any kind of connection with people, nothing beyond acquaintance level, anyway. 

My GP seems to be out of ideas. I'm out of luck it seems. It seemed to good to be true when things turned around. 

[ROTTERDAM1982]

Best wishes kurt, the fact that so many are giving you messages indicates to me that people do care.

Without trying to be too flippant , have you tried volunteering to do work with special needs children/adults. My son is severely autistic, and the added responsibility of looking after another vulnerable person, sometimes allows you to reflect on your own situation.

Best wishes anyway, I don't like people being so down as you seem to be.

[Rugeley Villa]

Suicide is a permanent solution to what could be a temporary problem . Your posts are a concern. You’ve just got to try and dig deep, and hopefully It will all be worth it. if you’re are as bad as you say you are, which I fully believe you are, then section yourself. Not sure how it works, but if you are a danger to your own life, then section yourself and try and get help that way. It might seem extreme, and maybe im being out of order, but your post does come across quite extreme. If you’re prepared to admit what you have on here, then there is probably more that you haven’t admitted yet in how you are feeling . 

Edited May 13, 2019 by Rugeley Villa

[Rugeley Villa]

Have you got any family you can be around and support you? 

[AvfcRigo82]

@kurtsimonw are you gonna PM mate?

Read this last page and I HAVE been where you are now..

It ain't over pal, trust me.

[AvfcRigo82]

6 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said:

Have you got any family you can be around and support you? 

He's prob a bit like me.. 

Sacked off the people who I thought were friends and turned out to be court jesters.. no room for those **** irrelevant to how long I have known some of them.

As Kurt states.. where are these so called friends when you need them most.

It's times like this you really do learn who is who in your life.

As for family. All the good ones in mine have sadly died.. the rest are all clearings in the woods who I chose to have nothing more to do with as they have no life of their own and prefer to cause drama in other peoples,  so..  bye!

As for women.. I wasted 10 years of my life on one who all along was living a lie herself and did nothing but hold me back.

As Alice Deejay once sang, are you better off alone?  From what I've been through in the last 6 years!   F*** yeah!

 

Edited May 13, 2019 by AvfcRigo82

[A'Villan]

On 14/05/2019 at 07:05, AvfcRigo82 said:

He's prob a bit like me.. 

Sacked off the people who I thought were friends and turned out to be court jesters.. no room for those **** irrelevant to how long I have known some of them.

As Kurt states.. where are these so called friends when you need them most.

It's times like this you really do learn who is who in your life.

As for family. All the good ones in mine have sadly died.. the rest are all clearings in the woods who I chose to have nothing more to do with as they have no life of their own and prefer to cause drama in other peoples,  so..  bye!

As for women.. I wasted 10 years of my life on one who all along was living a lie herself and did nothing but hold me back.

As Alice Deejay once sang, are you better off alone?  From what I've been through in the last 6 years!   F*** yeah!

 

Alone, I'm always in good company. That's not to suggest that I avoid people in any way. Life is all about relationship.

[A'Villan]

As I've said in DM @kurtsimonw, you're always welcome in my inbox. As long as it suits you to be there.

I want to be careful, as I don't want things to be misconstrued when I speak, because while I empathise with what you're going through, I also want to challenge you.

Unfortunately, as I've said, some of the time I'm going to get it wrong, like everybody does. I may misinterpret what you've said, or some of my ideals may not resonate with you.

I can say unequivocally though, that I want you to do well, and I believe that you can find the wisdom of the owl within you and see through the darkness that surrounds you.