Cheers Andy and of course you all.
At the moment I'm fine...haven't drunk a drop since last night.
It's not the drink that gets me going. It can be, but most often than no it's when I get home from work and stick the kettle on. I'll have been stood there looking out the window for ten minutes or something. Then, when I pull myself out of it I'll start tearing up. When I get a few cans down me I'll be on top form, making girls laugh sometimes taking them home. It's the drinking that takes me to a safer place.
I'm the guy that makes everyone laugh. That's not to say I think I'm hilarious, it just works that way. I'll try and make everyone laugh and it usually ends up where we're all in a bar and after about an hour or so a few other tables have joined us an I'm there holding court...it's then that I feel most comfortable and less suicidal. Last Wednesday, when I stood at the end of the pier it was after a stroll after work. I don't really know how I got there. I have these ten minute blank-outs where I just discover myself somewhere. The past two times it's been looking at the water at the end of the port. It's these moments that scare the shit out of me.
It's the odd little things that get to me as well. I went to collect a few things from my old place and I asked permission to enter the house. Ringing the bell when I've got the keys in my hand, to be let into my old place...
I dunno guys, hopefully I'll sort it out soon. There's no cheap option here to speak to people, and most of the friends I made here were through my wife, so they've slowly trickled away. Building up a new life with friends is difficult.
Making new friends will be the most important thing really. Once you've got friends around you you should be able to improve a bit. Not going to be easy though, just gonna have to keep going and enjoy the good days more and try and make the bad days less frequent.
If you want to PM at all you're more than welcome mate