Five Ken McNaughts

This is exactly where the dividing line is drawn between those who see a decent footballer and those who would rather join in with the jokes and general social media pile-on. His stats per “minute” played have always been decent. On the other hand, you can hang your hat on “games” played and get all excited every time he comes on after 92 mins and you can add another “game” to your evidence against him. I felt bad for the guy when he was interviewed by Sky after scoring against West Brom last season. The reporter came out with some classically ignorant statistic (“50 games without a goal” or something) and he was too shy and polite to say “Three minutes isn’t exactly a game, now, is it?” In any case, while I doubt we’ll see him in a Villa shirt again, I hope he gets a move to Forest and to some fans who will sing his name rather than see it as a punchline to a Twitter joke.

You think Suarez mentioned Patrice Evra’s skin colour during a heated argument to show his affection for him?? Hmm... Well, his account is below. After trying to persuade the reader what a warm, cuddly, and “affectionate” word it is, we finally get to the nub of the matter in bold – surprise, surprise, the whole affectionate angle is a complete red-herring because of the context in which the word was used. (Naturally, Suarez also finds time to paint himself as the victim at every opportunity) https://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/oct/26/luis-suarez-am-i-a-racist-no-absolutely-not-i-was-horrified “...I recalled that the referee had called us over at one point. Evra had come looking for me at a corner asking me why I had kicked him. It is always a bit hypocritical when a defender who spends the whole game kicking you complains of being kicked. He initiated the argument and he chose to do so in Spanish. In the following exchanges between me and him I used the Spanish word “negro” once. What some people will never want to accept is that the argument took place in Spanish. I did not use the word “negro” the way it can be used in English. As I am now fully aware (and I did not even know this at the time), in English there is a word that is spelled the same way but is pronounced differently and it is highly offensive: negro, pronounced nee-gro. Negro (pronounced neh-gro) in Spanish means “black”, nothing more. It is not in itself an insult. Now, people will say: “Okay, but you said ‘black’ – you shouldn’t have.” But Evra had started the argument in Spanish and the Spanish language is full of these ways of addressing someone: “Guapo” (handsome), “Gordo” (fatty), “Flaco” (skinny), “Rubio” (blond), and so on. Just names based on physical characteristics, nothing more. Negro can refer to anyone with dark hair as well as dark skin and I’ve been used to the word being used in Spanish in this way all my life. My wife sometimes calls me “Negro” or (the diminutive version) “Negrito”. My grandmother used to call my grandfather “Negrito” and she would occasionally call me that too. I’m not trying to pretend it was meant in a friendly way to Evra because clearly we were arguing. But nor was it ever meant as a racist slur.”

Indeed. Character. As in moral character, rather than simple will-to-win. The one (rather important) area where Luis Suarez has been found to be utterly lacking throughout his entire career. All of his notorious “incidents” are followed by a string of denials and excuses – often so bad they are unintentionally comical – until public opinion forces some kind of damage-control insincere apology. A terrible role model for our young players (not to mention the exact opposite of Gerrard’s “zero excuse” mantra). Maybe, just maybe, I could forgive him for repeatedly biting other humans (three times, is it?) due to some kind of psychological disorder, but his racial abuse of Patrice Evra – an 8 match ban and £40,000 fine – means I never want to see this man in Aston Villa colours. I also cannot think of a more divisive character to bring into the dressing room. I have just gone and read his version of the incident in his autobiography, no doubt carefully crafted with the help of his agent and PR team. Even after all that, his “defence” remains that he only called Evra an N-word once, and it wasn’t the worst N-word, and he just can’t see what silly old Patrice is getting so hot under the collar about. Give me strength. (I had actually forgotten about his subsequent refusal to shake the hand offered by Evra when they next met until it was mentioned it in this thread. Absolute disgrace). The Liverpool team’s decision to all wear pre-match t-shirts in defence of Suarez while the case was ongoing remains one of the most misguided and ignorant decisions of the modern football era, and should be a source of extreme embarrassment for that club. I really don’t think we need to be associating ourselves with any of this.

My initial gut instinct is that I don’t like it. Then I think about it carefully, and like it even less. Each to their own, but this signing wouldn’t make me happy.

So true! It was Rob Hawthorne commentating on Sky. The bloke was bloody obsessed with the idea that Konsa was feigning injury. ”He’s making the most of it...” ”Must be extra painful with the extra rolls...” The sort of comments you might expect for an absurd dive in the box – not a defender sustaining some blow to his kidneys on the half way line. Naturally, when Konsa was forced off, there was just a stony silence from Rob regarding his earlier 100% conviction that the whole thing was a sham (anyone with even a scrap of class would have said something about how they might have misjudged it). And what did he say when Cavani was rolling around in the Villa area for 5 minutes before sprinting back onto the pitch?... “Cavani has a problem”... “Cavani still feeling the effects of that challenge.” Sky Sports and their minions sure as hell know their target audience (hint: it isn’t us).

Cheers for that clip, @Phil Silvers. So Fernandes was incensed that Villa were allowed to bring on a concussion substitute for Buendia when his injury was shoulder-related? Good point, Bruno... if ANY of that had actually happened. What a bizarre interview.

David Coote who single-handedly rewrote offside for one night to allow Man City to beat us? And Mike Dean who thinks Fernandes stamping on Konsa’s ankle is a penalty to Man United? Jesus wept. The fix is in. Edit: My bad. That was Jon Moss who decided Fernandes assaulting Konsa’s ankle was a pen. Mike Dean merely decided that Harry Kane kicking Matty Cash was a pen. So hard to keep track of all the times we are shafted by the PGMOL mafia.

Are these the same stats that reckoned Bjorn Engels could move at 36.9km/h and was the 9th fastest man in the Premier League? (I’m no tech expert, but I think “margin of error” might play a role in some of these numbers).

I think they got a certificate of participation from the municipal athletics track they used to play at.

Edit: Think I was expressing myself rather badly after too many beers at this point. The rambling gist of my comment was that by focusing on the narrow head-on angle as they did, VAR were showing lots of movement before the free kick was taken – but Ramsey can surely position himself wherever he likes before play resumes. (The wide angle, not shown by VAR, proved his movement once the ball was kicked was entirely minimal while Cavani ran straight into him).

Global TV Match Director: “What the actual hell? Rule that shitty goal out right now! There were like TWO guys standing a million miles offside.” VAR truck: “Err… That’s called ‘first phase’, sir.” Director: “First WHAT? Forget it. This Watson fella touches it just before the goal, right? So that’s STILL offside for the other guy.” VAR: “We’ve zoomed in and done our best, sir… Watkins doesn’t make any contact with the ball.” Director: “Okay, forget that too. But this Ingles guy, he just, like, punches the ball into the goal, right? What is this sport? Punchball?” VAR: “We’ve been looking at that for over three minutes, sir… The ball hits his thigh.” Director: “Jesus, somebody throw me a bone here, would ya? Does anyone have ANY idea how many viewing figures are depending on this for Round Two?” VAR: “Round Four, sir…” Director: “WHAT?” VAR: “Never mind… just a minute… I can see Cavani sort of runs into Ramsey about 15 yards away from anything relevant. We could maybe…” Director: “ DO IT!!! (Switches to line 2)… Pam, I don’t like this VAR guy. He just doesn’t seem to get it. See that I don’t have to work with him again.” Pam: “Yes, sir.”

Forest fans in the ground seemed to appreciate that performance... Loads of praise for him on Twitter... Ally McCoist with a ton of compliments during the game... I’m not entirely sure what some Villa fans get out of slating the guy when he’s clearly had a good day in his life. Not very gracious and, frankly, a bit weird.

Glad someone else saw it that way. Very deliberately pinned his arm and landed on it. Naturally, the commentary team went for the whole “got tangled up”, “got his arm stuck under him” etc. . Buendia’s season very nearly ended right there.

Whatever protocols are in place, if they involve information being received / assessed 2 hours before kick off they are the wrong protocols.

Any chance of the whole team warming up in “Wesley” t-shirts while Neil Cutler stands on the centre spot eye-balling Ben Mee?

So “Marv” is immediately changed to “Naka”? Gerrard doesn’t mess around.

Fair play – that made me laugh a lot. Then I realised I was thinking of “bitty” from Little Britain . Ignore me.

Robert Fleck, Dale Gordon and Jeremy Goss.

Those fake teeth were clattering away like something from a 1980s joke shop. I have no idea why the 4th officials indulge this guy. It just encourages him.

I know Gerrard has highlighted the penalty shouts today. but I would love him to get round to this too. The fact Leicester and Liverpool received just one yellow card each in those last two games is an embarrassment, even to the closed cartel of PL refs. Ignoring everything that went before (such as Ramsey being chopped down twice when breaking down the left and the van Dijk elbow on Young) Sanson was practically launched into space by Milner in injury time. I can only imagine Stuart Atwell was simply bored by that point. Done his job and thinking about dinner.

So glad Gerrard has apparently come out and said that! Would also love a reporter with a spine (I know they don’t exist) to ask Salah exactly what rotational forces made his body spin 180 degrees when everyone was moving in the same direction.

Clear foul.... on Mings! Salah takes a totally unnatural stride across Mings’ path and elbows him in the f—in back!

3 wins from 5, and in the other two the fans of Man City and Liverpool have been whistling for the game to end. I like this new era.

Clear elbow on Young while on a yellow. No “using arms to jump” excuse – his feet were planted. The ref and linesmen have absolutely bottled it there.

Excellent news! And a great example to every Villa youngster out on loan (also still the best name at the club – if “Cameron Archer” wasn’t a footballer, he’d be a rogue CIA assassin on the run from the people who created him).