Laursen&Mellberg

Wesley Hurlingfan You heard it here first. Or did you?

Remember the golden days of transfer crapchat when we were linked with 'the likes of' Riquelme or Gilberto Silva? And Saviola every window? And Mark Kinsella? Well we got him in the end didn't we. And there's a lesson there. Somewhere.

2009 Gareth Barry leaves AVFC for a lucrative contract at Man City after 11 years of fine service. The fans are upset to see him go, but understand his ambitions and give him an understanding and gracious farewell. 2013 Despite being instrumental in their historic league win, Gareth Barry finds himself on the fringes of an all-star Man City team. His former club are crying out for someone with his experience and ability in Midfield. Everton come in with a loan offer, but instead he comes back to Villa Park to boss the midfield and pay back the fans who treated him so well. Cue MELT DOWN ...

Due to his injury, he owes us another season of form out of that contract anyway I love his feet and I love his energy, but no way on earth has he justified that wage. If we are going to keep this wage structure, we could certainly get two new players in for a combined 55k a week, one could provide the goal, the other the assist. So in response to your hypothetical, if Newcastle offer 40k, we should offer 41k

We wouldn't get penny one for either of those two (Lowton or Westwood) right now, you're right. But would Liverpool have got a packet of crisps for Lucas in his first or second seasons? Fergie let 'dross' like Rossi, Pogba and Forlan go too, among others. I doubt Westwood will ever play like Paul Pogba's currently playing, but we might yet see him in an England shirt one day. I believe they'll come good, or at least good enough to get the paltry £5million (for both!) we spent on them back.

And how did they get the money in the kitty for those outrageous signings (Saldado and Lamela)? From the astro-sale of a former 'young and hungry' player they had swiped from a lower league team. I'm not saying Madrid will be coming in for Matty Lowton anytime soon, but my point is Lambert's transfer policy is certainly correct. I'm sure that nobody more than he would love to compliment that with some more experienced (read expensive) heads. But unfortunately in 2007 instead of buying Bale (or KP Boateng, or Kaboul) as they did, we bought NRC, Harewood and Zat Knight. This is why Lerner's purse strings are wickedly taut. Saying that, the next year they spent £9million (9!!) on Sir Alan Hutton, so ....

He should drive back to Dundee in his bare feet

Hi Randy, Paul here. Yeah the one with the specs. Can I have an entire new midfield please? Yeah that's right, completely new. Oh OK then. No harm in asking. Ciao

I would give that an 8.62 out of 10. What more can we hope for? The extra 1.38 would be achieved with the signing of a brutal and rusting CB.

Maybe he'll be dropping deeper into a midfield role (À la Yorke) and will solve all our creativity problems with his exuberance, vision and craft. Then you'd be sorry. Wouldn't you. Go Grant Go. And I'll have a steak bake too please.

So the players he has got in last window are yet to realise their full potential (hopefully) or are terribly out of their depth. Of course, this is ultimately the managers (and scouting teams) fault. Either way, this has forced the negative tactics. However, show me a manager with a 100% record in this department. Would you say that Benteke, Vlaar, Kozak, Lowton, Bacuna and Westwood have been relatively successful signings to varying degrees. Add Steer and Okore (and maybe even Helenius?) as unknowns and that's a 50% success rate on all of his quite restricted dealings. I know some people (not me!) would even add KEA, Bennett and Luna to that list. We get some people in who can look after the ball a bit more than I think we will see more dynamism in the tactics. Or Grant Holt. Ah.

So who could we possibly get in as a replacement? Lambert should be given till the end of the season and if we finish anywhere near where we currently stand in the table then he should be given another season. And yes, I am playing the stability card.

Hello VT I am a Quinton boy living in Berlin and have been reading on VT for many years. I figured now was the time to start contributing, preferably with the blinkers of fandom firmly on and using the words MELT and DOWN far too often. UTV