gareth_barry's_left_foot

If that's true, then that's the funniest thing I've read for ages!

I think with time, he can become a good manager (possibly even a great one) but it's asking a lot of any player who has only just finished his playing career to become a managerial sensation overnight. I thnk he'll do okay at Sundaerland but will probably struggle to get them promoted in his first season.

FIFA Press release It has been confirmed that two members of the Portuguese football team, which beat England on penalties in the quarter finals of the world cup, failed a drugs test taken after the match. If the subsequent tests ('B Samples') confirm this, under FIFA rule 12.1, Subsection 3, Portugal will be disqualified and England would play France in an replayed Semi Final which would be played tomorrow. The England team will fly out to Germany today to await the verdict from FIFA. Wayne Rooney will not be suspended as the Portugal match will be deleted from the records. A statement from the English FA follows below. Carlsberg don't issue FIFA press releases, but if they did they would probably be the best press releases in the world.

Sorry Chaps

What I did on my summer holiday. ANYONE WHO WANTS THIS VERY FUNNY DIARY ENTRY WILL NEED TO PM GBLF - SORRY BUT IT IS LIBELLOUS AND WE CANNOT ALLOW IT TO STAY - MODS

Two dyslexics travelling in a car together. One says to the other and says "Can you smell petrol?" The other turns to him and says "Petrol? I can't even smell my name" Sorry

Wayne Rooney has had his scan results back. Doctors have confirmed that he really does look like that.

Take your pick....

Not a chance in hell. Fortunately, I'm way too 'normal' to be considered and even if that weren't the case, there's no chance you'd get me in there. I like my own space too much and have too much respect for myself and people I care about to humiliate myself in that way. Although if the pot was £1m, I might say otherwise but I gotta be honest, I'd rather waste my time trying to get on Who Wants to be a Millionnaire. I don't hold great store by money; I have enough to live on with a little spare at the end of each month for a few beers with my mates every weekend and I'm happy with that.

Sven's Chosen Ones are announced

With apologies for the double posting..... Sven confirms Walcott's squad number

Sven's Odd-Squad on way to World Cup

Not enough!

Steve Bruce signs a new keeper....

You been on Trim's gear again Designer1?

Rob hears there's a 19-yr-old snowboarder that lists cottaging as one of her hobbies competing at the Olympics

Up_The_Baros lift the inaugural VT Xpert Eleven Cup

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Lancs send his poor excuse of an Xpert Eleven team on a bike ride to boost fitness

CV issues another hard team talk

JC's latest signing for Doug Ellis RIP shows off his tricks

AndyVilla's latest Xpert Eleven signings limber up

The artist behind NV's latest shirt design is revealed

Doug responds to DOL's request for transfer window finance

And there was me expecting one to do with crayons! Besides, my pet cat may be scared of fireworks but he's damn good at getting back at birds who leave bits of their underwear in my washing machine!